DISPATCH 011--29 JAN 2007

“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Psalm 31:29

As I have been visiting our soldiers at the different FOBs, it is apparent to me that we are in what some call “the gloom period.” The gloom period is the point in the deployment where, even though we have completed almost four months of it, we realize that more than half of our time remains. It is easy to get depressed, irritable, and frustrated. Unfortunately, instead of each of us finding some way to cope from within ourselves, we at times take it on those around us. The gloom period is a natural and normal phase of a deployment, but can we do something in order to cope?

Before the birth of our first child, one of the things my wife made me promise not to tell her during his delivery was to “suck it up.” I did not (but almost did) tell her that then, and I will not tell it to you now. Instead I suggest that we must start with being aware of what is really causing our problems. Most if not all of us have suffered from misplaced frustration. Since we cannot voice our anger at the source (boss, spouse, co-workers, family members, etc.), we often take it out on those with whom we feel more comfortable. We can behave this way at home, in Iraq, or in both places via the phone and internet. The real issue is that by month four, the newness of the deployment is gone and the complications from it have piled up. The deployment itself is at the heart of the problem, but it is hard to take out our frustrations on an idea rather than a person.

My heart goes out especially to the wives and families back at home, because, during this or any deployment, I believe you have a greater challenge. We stay pretty busy here, and it is easy to watch the day pass when it is filled with mission responsibilities. You, however, while being just as busy, also have to get through the day not knowing exactly what is happening over here. While we might be residing safely inside our FOBs at the moment you think of us, you do know for sure. I think the other problem with having a deployed spouse is that people you meet or talk to immediately begin to ask how your soldier is doing and tend to overlook you. While you appreciate their concern, it has to be difficult to constantly answer how your husband or wife is doing while not having people ask how you are doing. I can picture the thought in your overhead cartoon bubble (my term for what we think but do not say) when someone tells you that your husband is a hero, “Well my hero, when he is home, cannot seem to complete the burdensome task of picking up his dirty socks off the floor and putting them in the laundry basket.” The final hurdle you must face is that those with children never really get a break from being Mommy (or Daddy). Even the busiest soldiers get a little time to themselves, but the Moms and Dads on the home-front are never off the "Mommy-clock."

I chose the Scripture for this dispatch because you are doing well and deserve as much or more honor than we do. I believe that you have made the greater sacrifice. And even in this gloom period of the deployment, you continue to do the things at home that keep us focused on our missions here and their safe conduct. Your efforts have not and do not go unnoticed by your spouses or by God.

One of my prayers for all the family members back home is that in times of great anxiety and frustration that you will discover a sense of God’s grace. You are not going through this alone, and you are not without help. Just as I am often surprised by how and where God is working over here, I know that you will find Him working in and through some of the most difficult situations back at home.

It is during times like these that we develop our wisdom. We can only gain wisdom by patiently enduring during times of trial. We earn it when we are faithful to the promises we have made to God, to each other, and to ourselves. I try to remind our soldiers (in a non-preachy way) that, with the limited amount of time we have in this life, we cannot think of our time in Iraq as a waste. God, through His grace, can use this time to prepare us for the future: preparing us not for our sake, but for others.

I feel blessed by the daily acts of grace I see our soldiers do. God has also blessed me through this deployment by getting to know some of the families that support the great men and women of the Warhorse Battalion. Because of your faithfulness, patience, hope, and fortitude, this time in Iraq has not and will not be a waste. You truly "excel them all."


Gratia et Veritas,
Chaplain Kevin Wainwright