DIGIJOURNAL 029--22 OCT 2007

DATELINE: 22OCT07

Friends,

I just finished my morning PT (Physical Training), which includes a couple of laps around the patrol base. I had been running on a treadmill, but most of those are now out of service. It is better to run outside anyway. During my second lap, two helicopters came in, and the sunrise painted the Blackhawks a pleasant orange and red. It is not all ugliness over here. My run is more like a steeple chase. Instead of jumping over hurdles and through water, I try to avoid the ponds of moon dust, piles of ankle-spraining rocks, and various tanker trucks cleaning out the latrines. Despite all this, running in morning over here is my favorite time of the day. I think of how Christ used to spend time alone in the morning praying and thinking about his upcoming day. No matter what mood I am in, the sunrise always makes me smile.

U2’s “City of Blinding Lights” came up on my playlist while I circled our little piece of America. I first heard this song when I was jogging at LSA Anaconda, waiting for my return flight to the States after my first deployment. The song, for me, has come to represent the bittersweet feelings of coming home. We have a memorial wall in our chapel that has the pictures and bios of all the soldiers we have lost. I was speaking with one of our soldiers about the date, April 8th, when 1LT N died. It was Easter morning. I am very happy to be coming home, but not completely happy. Some folks are not coming home with us.

Sports leagues are sprouting up all over the patrol bases in an effort to fight boredom. C Company had a very robust flag/tackle football league, complete with jerseys, a playoff, trophies, and an all-pro game. The guys at Paliwoda have either taken to the basketball court to play combat hoops (no blood or compound fracture, no foul) or our lighted volleyball court. I never thought infantryman would take their volleyball so seriously.

I am off to play some basketball. Hope you all have a blessed week.

DIGIJOURNAL 028--21 OCT 2007

DATELINE: 21OCT07

Friends,
A few observations before signing off for the day…

• While at Paliwoda, which I affectionately call Camp Polliwog, my chaplain assistant and I share a room split only by a half-completed wall. As I write this, I hear whatever techno band he is listening to at the moment blasting through his headphones as he cleans his M9 pistol and his M4 rifle. The harsh metallic clangs made by a sliding rifle bolt or the charging of a pistol are the only sounds that interrupt the dull pulse of music. I have just finished my evening service, where we looked at Psalm 65 and talked about the inner joy that Christians should have because of God’s grace. I am struck by how much of what I do (or, I hope, what God does through me) depends upon that pistol and that rifle. No matter what opinion I might have about combat or what complex theological ruminations I have concerning war, my life depends upon the training, skill, and discipline of a 21-year-old from Efrata, Pennsylvania.
  
• When I am out on a patrol, some soldiers marvel at my “courage” because I do not carry a weapon (per Army regulation). I would be kidding myself if I claimed courage. It is not courage. Instead, my willingness to venture out of the FOBs with the troops, even without a weapon, is one part ignorance, one part stupidity combined with four parts of the tactical competence of our soldiers, many of whom cannot legally drink and are barely old enough to vote. When I am out in sector, which is much rarer for me than it is for the majority of our troopers, I do not think about my death or other impending threat. In fact, I try not to think of anything that serious at all. I just look for changes and things out of the ordinary that might signal that the enemy is going to try to do something. If ever I am afraid (reminding everyone that I am the “ignorance is bliss” chaplain not the John Wayne-swagger soldier), I find immediate comfort in the number of soldiers around me, their personal courage, their readiness for a fight, and the quantity of weapons systems the average infantry squad employs.
  
• At any given moment, I think it is realistic, and perhaps a little generous, for me to expect that 25% of the soldiers know and like me, 25% have no use for me, and 50% do not even have me on their radar. I wish I could think of myself as the “beloved chaplain,” but it is just not true. And it is not false modesty but rather a realistic assessment of what our soldiers deserve and what limited offerings I bring to the table that allow me to accept this honest vision. What I do know and take comfort in is that 100% of our soldiers do not want to be that unit that loses its mascot to the opposing team. Whatever they think of me, they do not want to be embarrassed by my wounding or worse.
  
• 42 more days, 4 hours, 40 minutes, and 32 seconds and a bunch of mal-adjusted, cowardly, hateful theocrats are all that stands between us and home, but who is counting and who is bitter?
  

We thank you for your support and your prayers and the time you take to read these grammatically incorrect and misspelled screeds. God bless you all.

DIGIJOURNAL 027--19 OCT 2007

DATELINE: 19OCT07

Friends,

I am sorry that I have not posted an entry in almost two months. CPL C and I have traveled across our area of operations giving redeployment briefs. Most of the battalion hit the one-year-in-country mark in early October. Additionally, the loss of two soldiers in September sent many of us into a funk. I think we all, at some level, are suffering from emotional fatigue. In the days ahead, I will try to get in a few more updates chronicling what it is like getting ready to redeploy. For brevity’s sake, I will use the bullet-comment format to share with you some of my observations. Here are some (in no particular order):

• As we start to prepare to return home, time has slowed. I feel like I am back in my college physics class. I have a countdown clock on my computer desktop, but it never seems to move. I have finally taken the advice of one of our soldiers to stop counting, for it only seems to make it worse.
  
• There has been much talk about the declining standards of new recruits coming into the Army. Statistically, standards may have dropped, but we are still seeing high-quality Americans joining the Army. One of the soldiers killed in early September was a 19-year-old Specialist, had just arrived to the unit, was full of enthusiasm, was highly-trained, and volunteered to go out on missions, including the one resulting in his death. Personally, I have lost patience with the crowd who doubts the professionalism of our troops. I would argue that we are the best- trained, the most moral, and have exercised the greatest amount of restraint towards non-combatants than any other Army in our history. I have concluded my redeployment briefs with the comment of how great our soldiers are. Despite all the hardships my family and I have endured during this deployment, being able to associate and serve our men and women in uniform has made any sacrifice worth it.
  
• Another hot topic on editorial pages has been the lack of service on behalf of the sons and daughters of our country’s educational, economic, and political elite. I think, for one, that this statistic is inflated. I have met several officers and enlisted who come from what many would call the upper middle class. However, I agree that, despite this, the service of the sons and daughters of our Brahmin class is proportionately under-represented. The most popular solution to this problem is to reinstate the draft. Make no mistake about this: most of those who want to reinstate the draft do not want to improve the military, but instead they want to create enough chaos within the military to end the war. Those in power will be able to get deferments; they always have and always will. I would much rather have someone who wants to be fighting on my left and my right flank than someone who was forced to be there. Critics complain that the leadership of the military is out of touch with our civilian elite. What they do not consider is that our civilian elite might be out of touch with who the military still represents: the American people. The problem might be with the people who have the time and money to get elected to high office. Maybe our own voting habits, when combined with a desire for entertainment and to get as many benefits from the government as possible, have given us the government we deserve. I am not a Republican or a Democrat, and I subscribe to the old-school belief that officers should not vote in elections since they serve on behalf of the electorate. I do not have a dog in this fight. I do have a love for the military, not as an organization but for the people who serve. I believe with all my heart that our service men and women really are the best our country has to offer. All I ask of our political leadership, Republican, Democrat, or Independent, is let us serve without trying to score political points off our service, be they positive or negative. Hold us accountable, criticize us when we need it, be skeptical of military power grown too elite, or corrupt, or self-centered, but do not impugn our character. You did that to us in the seventies, and we have a long memory. We will not stand by and let you do it to us again.
  
• The last point has to do with your continued support. October 15th will be the last day you can send mail to us. If you send things to us after this date, it might get returned. Many have asked if they could send items to my replacement. I think that will be possible, but I do not know who he is or when he will arrive. I will publish that info as soon as he gets here. I will also attempt to keep the thank you notes coming and the gift list updated, but, as we approach our redeployment date, tracking all these things will be difficult. Please know that what you send is greatly appreciated and has been used to make our soldiers’ lives brighter and the Iraqi’s lives better.
  

I am off to write my sermon. God bless you all.

DIGIJOURNAL 026--3 SEPT 2007

DATELINE: 3SEP07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

Dear Friends,
It seems like the days fill up with activity but pass too slowly as our hearts yearn for home. The weather is still incredibly hot, but we have finally seen some clouds in the sky…a reminder that fall is coming, bringing with it much needed rain.

A couple of weeks ago we had our new division chaplain, CH (LTC) Tom Wheatley, down to speak at our prayer breakfast. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of soldiers who showed up at 0700 in the morning. Our schedule, what we call our battle rhythm, usually has our soldiers staying up late into the evening, so it was a real effort for them to come so early. I am easily shamed by their devotion. I have had a soldier come to our Saturday afternoon Bible study soaking wet after enduring an 18-hour patrol. There are so many faithful men here.

CH Wheatley is a great guy and true mentor. Sadly, there are many chaplains who identify too much with their rank and not enough with the cross. I am always trying to find veteran chaplains to guide and direct me, but it is hard to discover them....fortunately for me, CH Wheatley came our way.

CH Wheatley was an inspiration to our soldiers. Years ago he completed Ranger school as a chaplain and has served in the Ranger Regiment and the Ranger Training Brigade. Not going to Ranger school has always been one of the great regrets of my military career. I have a tremendous respect for anyone who wears the Tab. And, because of his Ranger Tab, CH Wheatley had "instant" credibility with our guys.

I took him on a tour of Patrol Base Paliwoda. Both he and his assistant, MSG Holliday, enjoyed speaking with our soldiers. I left them for a moment, as they spoke with some of our tower guards, to watch a patrol of Bradleys and humvees leave the base. The dull, repetitive, clunking noise of a Bradley as it rolls into battle will be one of those sounds of war that will always be in my mind. No matter how many times I have watched it before, I still get emotional watching our “Joes” plod off to go one more time into the breach. What great men, courageous men, they truly are.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel


FROM THE CHAPLAIN’S BOOKSHELF

On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace
By Dave Grossman

This is the follow-up book to the national bestseller On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by LTC (Ret) Dave Grossman. LTC Grossman began his look into the psychological components of killing on the battlefield while he was a professor of psychology at West Point. In this book, he places the focus on what is needed to produce effective and professional warriors in society. While a little plodding at times and heavy on the examples taken from law enforcement, it is nonetheless a valuable study on how people experience the stresses of combat.

The Five Love Languages, Men’s Edition
By Gary Chapman

Mr. Chapman has developed an entire industry around his five love languages concept. The book and the concept highlights the basic differences in how couples communicate love. This men’s edition is a very easy read with summaries and questions at the end of every chapter. This would be a good book (with wives reading the original edition) to read prior to redeployment.

Seize the Fire: Heroism, Duty, and the Battle of Trafalgar
By Adam Nicolson

A very interesting book that does a great job of highlighting the personalities, leadership styles, and ethos of the British Navy, the world’s most powerful military force at the time. Centered around the historic battle of Trafalgar, Mr. Nicolson brings out the drama, suffering, and heroism of all the classes of individuals serving on the most complicated war machines of their day. Interspersed in his narrative are several primary source accounts of what took place and what the major players were thinking.

Cannery Row
By John Steinbeck

John Steinbeck produced this novel in response to his soldier-fans in WWII wanting him to write something funny and not serious. Loosely based upon the life of his close friend, the biologist Ed Ricketts, Steinbeck uses the real town of Monterey, California as the backdrop to the lives of his colorful characters that prowl and party on cannery row. An entertaining, heartbreaking, and nostalgic look and a slice of pre-WWII America.

Brave New World
By Aldous Huxley

Aldous Huxley’s novel of the future is the foil to George Orwell’s 1984. In Huxley’s world, people are not dominated by an aggressive police state but through methods of eugenics, narcotics, and entertainment. 1984 has come and gone, but, sadly, the Brave New World looks like an ever more present option for those who wish to take away man’s liberty.

The Collected Poems of Wilfred Owen
By Wilfred Owen

Some believe Wilfred Owen to be the greatest poet to have penned from the battlefield of World War I. His poems tell the story of the futility, horror, and heroism that the British “Tommies” faced in places like the Somme, Ypres, and Verdun. Owen, a Victoria Cross winner who was killed a week before the armistice, paints a realistic view of battle that is still relevant today.

Grace Under Fire: Letters of Faith in Times of War
Andrew Carroll, Editor

This collection of letters from the Civil War to the War on Terror highlights some of the spiritual struggles our military face on the battlefield. A touching chronicle that is both timely and timeless, Carroll uses the letters to form a narrative that traces the highs and lows of faith.

Shoot to Kill: From 2 Para to the SAS
By Michael Asher

Michael Asher has written one of the better military non-fiction books I have read in a long while. This should be a must-read for junior military leaders who want to see a preview of combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. Asher traces his movement through the British Paratroop Regiment, our equivalent of a Ranger Battalion, the Special Air Service (SAS), equivalent to Special Forces, and finally the undercover police of Ulster. He makes several deployments to Northern Ireland in the 1970s as “the Troubles” reached a crescendo. The type of warfare he and his fellow “paras” encountered is not much different that what we face today. Also of note is how the IRA, heavily funded by sympathizers in the United States, exported its terror tactics to the Middle East. A chilling and truthful look at one man’s descent and ultimate redemption as a modern warrior.

Flags of Our Fathers
By James Bradley

This excellent book, the source of the recent Clint Eastwood directed movie, tells the stories of the six men whose effort to raise the American flag was captured in the most popular photograph of the 20th century. Starting with their childhoods, then boot camp, and then their landing at Iwo Jima, Mr. Bradley, the son of one of the flag-raisers, shares the broken dreams, haunting memories, and not-so-happy lives that followed this battle. Three of the Marines would later die on Iwo, and only the corpsman, Jack Bradley, would go on to live a fulfilling life upon his return from the war. The only criticism I have of the book echoes GEN Patton, who, as he was racing across Europe, complained the American press’s infatuation with the Marine Corps made it sound like they were single-handedly winning the war. Mr. Bradley has a couple over-the-top statements about the "Naval Infantry" (said the Army officer), but it is an otherwise very moving book.

The Pearl
By John Steinbeck

John Steinbeck originally intended this short novella to be a movie script. Ultimately he crafted a morality tale where fate can take even the best and most noble intentions and turn them for evil. He based his work in coastal Mexico.

DIGIJOURNAL 025--11 AUGUST 2007

DATELINE: 11AUG07 CAMP ANACONDA

Greetings from Camp Anaconda.

It appears that we may have passed through the worst part of the summer heat. While it is still unbearably hot, especially for our guys who conduct dismounted operations, the mornings at least have grown a little cooler than they were a few weeks ago. Think of it as going from extreme pain to pain.

Often I will write about our soldiers who leave the FOB every day to go out on patrols and face the enemy. Sometimes I forget to mention all of our soldiers who do the often unglamorous work of keeping the battalion running. Sections like S6 (commo), the cooks, maintenance, S2 (intelligence), S4 (supply), S3 (plans) are just a few of the many sections that, though they may not face the same danger that a dismounted armor or infantry soldier might, are vital to keeping our equipment ready and safe and keeping our soldiers in the fight. Every soldier is important to the mission. We may not make movies about them, and we often do not think of them, but we would not be able to function without them.

I thought that as we grew accustomed to wearing our body armor that the annoyance of wearing it would fade. I thought it would get lighter as the deployment lengthened. The opposite has happened. Every time I pick up the flak vest it feels like it has gained another pound. It is such a pain to wear in the heat, and I do not even have half the weight some of our soldiers carry since I do not need ammunition. Despite the impression that some media shaped by reporting that the body armor we use is faulty, it absolutely saves lives. The vest works. While it may be a pain to wear, we always have the alternative to motivate us to keep it on, despite how our body groans underneath it.

The last item for this entry concerns the interesting feedback I have received to the posts in this blog. I spoke with some soldiers at breakfast at Patrol Base O’Ryan, and as we conversed they brought up this website. I did pause for a moment, because I knew that the harshest yet best critics of what I wrote would be the soldiers I write about. They told me (and I think they were being honest, or as honest as they could be to the chaplain without ripping into his opinion) that it was “pretty good,” which I took to mean around the C+/B- range. The number one critique is that they wanted more pictures, which I will correct this week.

Thanks to you for keeping us in your prayers. We are definitely at a very difficult part of our deployment, and our soldiers truly appreciate all the kindness and support that you give to them.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel


CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

The Cloister Walk
By Kathleen Norris

This is a wonderful collection of essays and reflections by an author who had drifted away from the faith of her childhood faith but then returned via two paths when her Protestant (Presbyterian) roots combined with her experience as a lay member of a Catholic (Benedictine) order. Ms. Norris touches on such far ranging topics as life on the Western Plains of North Dakota, the challenges of teaching poetry to elementary school children, and the shaping struggles of marriage, all through the eyes of a very modern believer who is nonetheless grounded in the very ancient traditions of Christianity. A very good read for those who wish to discover the gifts of the contemplative life.

The Moon Is Down
By John Steinbeck

In 1941, the Noble Prize winning author, John Steinbeck, was asked to write a play for the Office of Strategic Services as part of a counterpropaganda effort by the United States as its involvement in WWII developed. The result was not a play but this small novella. Set in a provincial and unnamed town, it chronicles the inescapable escalation of violence and suffering as a small German contingent slowly loses control of the local population. It is still a very modern book that accurately describes some of the situations we have encountered in Iraq.

Casino Royale
By Ian Fleming

While many have seen the James Bond movies, few have read the novels upon which the films are based. This was the first Bond book written by the former British Naval Intelligence Officer Ian Fleming. While the most recent cinematic adaptation of this work was great, as with any other attempt to make a movie out of a book, much was lost in the process. The James Bond of the novels is a much more complex and fallible character than the Bond of the films.

DISPATCH 017--8 AUGUST 2007

Dear Friends,

The Warhorse Battalion continues to make headway in bringing stability to our area, with each new sunrise bringing us closer to home. The soldiers have acted professionally and compassionately despite the many hateful things they have witnessed and fought, and I cannot say enough how proud you should be that they have responded to evil by doing what is good.

We have entered the eleventh month of the deployment knowing we must wait until December for our return. No time in a deployment is easy, but, according to recent studies done by Army psychologists, we are in the most difficult period. For some, the coping skills that we have been using do not work like they once did. It is easy, as we look into what I call “the iron tongue of midnight,” to begin to wonder if there will be a dawn.

I will not give you a list of examples or pat proverbs to try to encourage you to do what you have already been doing—-persevering. Fifteen months is a long time to be away from the one you love, and fifteen months is a long time to constantly soldier. The best defense against despair is to have faith in those timeless aspects of our lives that are important: our vows, our families, our friendships, and, for some, our God. Let us not let temptation or indifference destroy what we have built, nurtured, and defended.

Your home-front sacrifices and successes have exceeded ours downrange. We still have much for which to be thankful. May we also remind ourselves that we do not endure alone. There are many around you who know what it was like to say goodbye after a mid-tour leave, to worry about your soldier’s safety, and to pray for a safe return.

I have included, belatedly, three of the topics I promised to address in an earlier dispatch. Let me offer a disclaimer before you continue. I am not a psychologist nor do I believe I am an expert on all these things. I write about them based on my reading, my observing of patterns, and my own personal experience. Many would disagree with my conclusion or focus on different things. My main purpose for addressing these issues is to remind us that the end is in sight and to get folks thinking about the next phase in our deployment, coming home. It does not end when we get off the plane. We should be as energetic in our preparations for return as we were to leave.

Grace and Truth,
Warhorse Shepherd


REDEPLOYMENT TOPICS

• I. EMOTIONAL/SPIRITUAL ADJUSTMENTS
  
  
  
  • A. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    
    
    
    • Some studies state that as many as 22% of our returning soldiers will suffer from PTSD.
      
    • Those who have deployed multiple times will often suffer a relapse from prior episodes or compound existing PTSD that was not treated.
      
    • PTSD may be the cause but is not a rationale or excuse for reckless and/or irresponsible behavior.
      
    • Not every soldier will have PTSD.
      
    • The vast majority of soldiers will face few long-term challenges as they redeploy and adjust to being at home.
      
    • A new theory suggests that each person has a different limit of how much stress they can take, and this is also affected by prior stress events (turbulent childhood, car accident, etc.).
      
    • Every PTSD event is specific to the individual soldier.
      
    • There are numerous PTSD symptoms, ranging from insomnia to outright violence.
      
    • The earlier the soldier and/or family member receives treatment the better.
      
    • Be proactive in your pursuit of treatment.
      
    • Take PTSD seriously. It is a disease that doctors can and should treat. I would also share a very non-politically-correct view of PTSD. Some folks might claim to suffer from PTSD when in fact they are using it to validate their experience in Iraq. For example: consider the soldier who claims to suffer from PTSD caused by a mortar attack when in fact he was never directly threatened. The vast majority of our Warhorse soldiers do operate at the “pointy tip of the spear.” They have seen and faced trauma.
      
    • The cliché is usually correct: the soldiers who talk about combat the least are the ones who have seen the most.
    
    
  • B. Seeking counseling
    
    
    
    • Seeking counseling is not showing weakness.
      
    • Soldiers should seek counseling earlier rather than later. Please do not “white knuckle” it after redeployment, ignoring a problem in hopes that it would go away.
      
    • It is easy to confuse normal adjustment patterns with PTSD.
      
    • Generally, it is good to talk about things.
      
    • Contrary to what most think, seeking and receiving counseling will not hurt a career.
      
    • It is usually a good idea, if a licensed physician recommends it, to take medicine for treatment. However, it is usually not good to rely on medication alone.
    
    
  • C. Making a big decision
    
    
    
    • Try to avoid if possible making a big life decision (buying a house, changing careers, etc.) immediately upon redeployment.
      
    • Before you make a big decision, allow for the normal, communication avenues to re-establish themselves in your relationship.
    
    
  • D. Depression
    
    
    
    • Is a real disease that is often biochemical as well as emotional in nature.
      
    • Over one third of all women and one fourth of all men will suffer from a serious bout of depression in their lifetime.
      
    • Periodic depression, getting “the blues,” is a normal part of life. If it persists and/or begins to drastically alter your lifestyle or thoughts, seek treatment.
      
    • Can be dangerous if left untreated.
      
    • Risky behaviors and major personality shifts are signs of serious depression.
    
    

DIGIJOURNAL 024--30 JULY 2007

DATELINE: 30JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

A Country to Fight For
An old saw has it that the best proof of a man's loyalties lies in the sports teams he roots for. If so, Iraq's fairytale 1-0 victory yesterday over Saudi Arabia in soccer's Asia Cup--and the euphoria it inspired from Basra to Baghdad to Kirkuk--is a timely reminder that Iraq is not just a notional country.

"Once again, our national team has shown that there is only one, united Iraq," Sabah Shaiyal, a Baghdad policeman, told the Associated Press. "You can see the national feeling," added one Abu Baqir of Sadr City to a reporter from the New York Times. "It has always been there, and we hope this winning will be the beginning of the end of sectarianism."

It is easy to get carried away by the symbolism of a single soccer victory. Still, it was remarkable that the winning team -- known as the "Lions of the Two Rivers"--was Iraqi in the broadest sense of the word. Younis Mahmoud, the team captain who scored the winning goal, is Turkman. Teammate Hawar Mulla Mohammed, who put the ball into position, is Kurdish. Goalkeeper Noor Sabri is Shiite Arab.

No less remarkable were the circumstances in which the team had to train and compete. Coach Jorvan Vieira of Brazil had to move the Iraqi players beyond their political differences. The team, which could not train on home turf, went from match to match in economy seats. (Their Saudi rivals travelled more comfortably.) The celebration of their previous victory, over South Korea, was cut short by a suicide bombing that killed 50.

Yet for everything they lacked, the Iraqis had a powerful if intangible asset over their more pampered rivals: a country to fight for. Perhaps their victory will give all Iraqis a taste of what they may yet achieve together.

fromThe Wall Street Journal, 30 July 2007, p. A12

Yesterday was an unusual and interesting day that in many ways summarizes the kind of character our soldiers have.

For the Religious Support Team, or RST—-consisting of yours truly and the loyal and capable chaplain assistant CPL C, we began this Sunday with our worship service. Afterwards, we spoke of how thankful we were that things had been relatively quiet in our particular sector. When I use the word quiet, I do not mean absence of war, violence, or danger, but just not as much. Our commander, Warhorse 6, put it best—-the Iraqis in our area of operation (AO) had begun to be more worried about the price of government-provided gas than they were about getting killed.

Around lunchtime, a huge explosion shattered the oppressively hot but quiet afternoon. One of our battalion surgeons, Doc B, said he saw a Mount Saint Helens-like mushroom cloud rising in the sky on the horizon. The insurgents had hit one of the Iraqi-manned checkpoints with a vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device (VBIED). After our command sergeant major, Warhorse 9, notified us, we rushed over to the aid station and awaited the incoming casualties.

One of the first things I ask is whether any of our soldiers were hurt. Fortunately none were, but we still had human beings coming into the aid station in various stages of trauma.

And speaking of trauma, one of our docs told me that, in his conversations with the doctors down at the combat surgical hospital (CaSH) at Anaconda, they admitted that even rotations at inner-city trauma centers had not prepared them for the types of injuries they've seen soldiers sustain in war.

I wish I could say I enter the aid station courageously and without fear when I know that there is a high probability that something horrific awaits on the other side of the door. My stomach still turns and I have to pray just to cross the threshold. CPL C, as the son of a nurse (and much braver man than I), seems to have an easier time dealing with the sights, sounds, and smells of the aid station.

Our two surgeons and several of our medics were huddled around the litter of an 11- year-old girl who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As the terrorists were launching their attacks, they also sent in mortar rounds to the local city of Balad. The insurgents tend to be foreign nationals or former, disgruntled members of the military. Of the foreign nationals, the vast majority of them come from Saudi Arabia, whose main exports seem to be oil and hate.

The girl and her father were working in a field when the mortars landed. A recent news item tells the story of an American soldier writing a column under an alias for a newspaper back in the States. The column has been controversial due to his claims of atrocities committed by his fellow soldiers against local Iraqis. Contrast those farcical tales with the scene of seven soldiers working feverishly to save this girl. CPL C and I stood in the background, with our medical gloves on, looking for any way we could help.

The girl died despite all the treatment. Our soldiers covered her up, prepared her body with dignity, and the RST went outside to tell her two uncles who waited for news. Communicating through a translator, we assured the men that our docs had done all that they could. They were appreciative, but their faces wore the hue of resignation that comes from having to pick up dead loved ones too many times. We helped carry the body to the waiting truck, and back we went to the aid station.

Our medical personnel continued to attend to the incoming Iraqi police and soldiers, and we were able to medically evacuate (MEDEVAC-usually by Blackhawk helicopter) the serious injuries to the CaSH.

When things quieted down, we began to walk back to the chapel and our offices (I call it the chapel complex to make it sound important). I spoke with some soldiers who were milling about, but out of the corner of my eye I saw one of our interpreters, Tupac, weeping. You might wonder about the names. Out of concerns for their safety, we give our interpreters nicknames, usually the names of rappers or historical mafia figures. I went up to him, and Tupac told me he had lost his neighbor and school-boy friend in the blast. His tears reminded me that despite what we hear or what we have come to think, there are still many brave Iraqis trying to make their country work. The soldiers who died or were wounded are young men who courageously stood out on the line, in the heat, attempting to make their country safe.

Later that evening, we conducted evening worship services. Celebratory gunfire greeted us as we left the chapel. I knew that the Iraqi national soccer team must have defeated the Saudis in the finals of the Asia Cup. Since the terminal velocity of a descending bullet is the same as when it leaves the muzzle, I encouraged everyone to stay under thick ceilings for awhile. I was and am happy for the Iraqis.

At the end of the day I had the following thoughts that I thought the people at home might want to know.

• Our soldiers, despite long deployments and changing strategies, continue to be some of the most professional and compassionate people (my italics) I have ever known.
  
• Having a morally upstanding chain of command makes all the difference in the world.
  
• Leadership is everything at all levels.
  
• The Iraqi people are incredibly resilient. They can be very frustrating, but this is mostly due to cultural differences than it is to ethical deficiencies. At the ground level there are many courageous men and women who refuse to be terrorized by homicidal killers, aka terrorists, Al Qaeda, etc.
  
• Aside from the Divine, soccer is the most important democratic force in the universe.
  
• Our AO is still safe and making progress. Everything did not unravel despite the terrorists best efforts.
  
• It is a sad commentary that humanity allows a girl to die just because she was born into the “wrong-believing” family.
  
• It is a hopeful commentary on humanity that so many people, Iraqi and American, worked to save her life and many others in response to the attacks by cowards.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Our soldiers are great men and women, and I still get choked up when I see the things they do. Take care.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel


SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH, WOODBRIDGE, VA
Snacks, clothes, toiletries, books, and Bible studies have all emerged from the boxes sent by this faithful congregation. By keeping us in their prayers, sending us the items that improve our living conditions, and giving us spiritually edifying things to read, this church has made our "adventure vacation" a little more bearable. Thank you.


CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

Home Fires Burning: Married to the Military—for Better or Worse
by Karen Houppert


Ms. Houppert, growing up the daughter of a career Air Force pilot, losing him in a training accident when she was just 11 years old, has a great deal of personal experience with the military. In her book she follows several Army wives from Ft. Drum as they cope with their husbands’ deployments as part of the 10th Mountain Division. While not always flattering, I believe her book is nonetheless very truthful. It provides an especially valuable insight into the challenges of the wives of lower enlisted soldiers.

Under the Sabers: The Unwritten Code of Army Wives
by Tanya Biank


A daughter of a career Army Colonel, a wife of an Army officer, and a reporter for the local Fayetteville, NC (Fort Bragg) paper, Ms Biank chronicles the lives of several Ft. Bragg wives, highlighting the circumstances surrounding the four homicides that took place in 2003-2004 after soldiers returned from deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq. Her book stems from the nationally recognized articles she published as a military correspondent for Ft. Bragg. Her work is also the source for the new Lifetime Channel series Army Wives. A very honest description of the highs and lows that Army wives experience.

The Road
by Cormac McCarthy

In his fictional account of life in post-apocalyptic America, Mr. McCarthy accurately describes the powerful feelings a loving father has for his son as they travel “the road” to safety on the coast. Using a quasi-Odyssey like journey, his novel also tells of the painful fears fathers have for their sons as they live in a world that causes them to grow up much too soon.

DIGIJOURNAL 023--19 JULY 2007

DATELINE: 19JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

A LETTER TO JOSHUA

My Beloved Son,

It seems like I have been thinking about you more than usual. I think about you because of this separation and the effect that it has on you and us. Boys your age normally have a difficult time communicating their feelings about “daddy” being gone. Perhaps you think that I love the Army more than you or that I enjoy being away. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Every day that passes finds me loving you even more. I wish I had a job that I loved that did not keep me away from home for so long. I wish I had a job where all I had to do would be to take you to school and then play with you when we returned home. Unfortunately and fortunately, God has called me to minister to the military. Since He has called me, I pray and have faith that He will help our family navigate during these difficult times.

I want you to know that I have resolved to come back a better father. I need to play with you more. I should never refuse an opportunity to spend time with you.

Soon, boy, before you know it, you will be a man. But I will always remember you as my little boy with a great laugh and piercing blue eyes. The little boy who, thankfully, has so much of his mother in him. The little boy who makes me proud when he holds my hand and calls me Daddy.

I love you,
Daddy

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel


SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
WATERMARK CHURCH, Dallas, TX
This congregation has a military ministry that has sent numerous boxes, sermons, Bible studies, and other items to our soldiers. They have taken the time to write our soldiers, telling them of their support. It seems like their boxes seem to arrive at times when we are feeling down. Some would call that luck; I call it providence. Thank you Watermark.


CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

COMBAT
Warriors: Portraits from the Battlefield
by Max Hastings

Mr. Hastings, a noted English military historian, compiles the life stories of sixteen war heroes from various nations during the 19th and 20th centuries. Written for the laymen as well as the serious scholar, Mr. Hastings takes care to point out not only the battlefield successes of these 15 men and 1 woman but also their post-war struggles. The author, in addition to the historical facts, also gives us some of the underlying psychological tensions involved with the characters. A great book…I could not put it down.

Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of Seal Team 10
by Marcus Luttrell with Patrick Robinson

Marcus Luttrell is a native Texan who grew up wanting to be a Navy Seal. The first half of the book deals with the harrowing experience of Seal training, with the second half describing the mission of Operation Redwing in Afghanistan. The strength of the book comes from the telling of ethical dilemmas that arise in combat and how soldiers prepare for and confront them. He highlights how training must be as difficult as possible in peacetime so that military personnel can face the challenges of combat.

Brave Men, Gentle Heroes: American Fathers and Sons in World War II and Vietnam
by Michael Takiff

Michael Takiff has put together this marvelous collection of stories and interviews of fathers who served in WWII and sons who served in Vietnam. The value it has for military families is the honest portrayal of the lessons learned and burdens shared by military personnel who deploy and return home from combat. It helps the reader get a more developed picture of what these heroes face before, during, and after war. It also shows that many of these men can return home as better husbands and fathers as they begin to reflect on what has happened to them.

CULTURE
The Kite Runner
by Khaled Hosseini

Dr. Hosseini, who spent his childhood in Afghanistan until his family was forced to flee during the Soviet occupation, has not only written the first English novel by a native Afghan but, more importantly, a great novel that combines evil, betrayal, redemption, and hope. In The Kite Runner, Dr. Hosseini chronicles the lives of two boys who grow up in the Afghan capital of Kabul, with one staying after the occupation while one flees to America. The book humanizes the Afghan and, by extension, the Arab peoples by getting behind the disjointed stares we often see out on patrol and instead telling their stories and their dreams. A great work of fiction that forces us to re-examine some of the prejudices we might hold against the culture of this part of the world.

A Thousand Splendid Suns
by Khalid Hosseini

This is the second and most recent book by Dr. Hoseini. It takes place in the same setting as The Kite Runner, but now telling the story of two Afghan women whose lives become entwined during the Soviet occupation and subsequent Taliban takeover. It is an unflinching glimpse of life behind the veil for two women, one modern and one pre-modern, and how they cope with life’s challenges while developing into their own identities.

The Cairo Trilogy: Palace Walk, Palace of Desire, Sugar Street
by Naguib Mahfouz

Many scholars consider Mr. Mahfouz, an Egyptian and Nobel Prize winner, the first Arab novelist. The Cairo Trilogy tells the tale of an upper middle-class Egyptian family whose tranquil existence collides with the forces tearing at the modern Arab world. A fictional narrative of the larger cultural and religious issues that afflict the region, Mr. Mahfouz brings out the human inconsistencies of his characters as they pursue various lives to deal with the forces that threaten to consume them.

HOMEFRONT
Courage After Fire: Coping Strategies for Troops Returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and Their Families
by Keith Armstrong, Suzanne Best, and Paula Domenici

This is a book of lists compiled by three mental health care professionals. By using a quasi-PowerPoint style instead of a narrative, the strength of the book comes from the way it lays out in detail the reactions families can expect from their returning family members and themselves. The authors also list all the resources available to the family to address particular issues. Another good aspect of this book is that it stresses not only negative but positive things can come out of a deployment.

The Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman’s Guide to Raising a Military Family
by Jacey Eckhart

I highly recommend this very readable and funny book. Ms. Eckhart grew up as the daughter of an Air Force fighter pilot swearing that she would never marry anyone in the military. At age 20 she promptly married the only Navy guy she ever dated. Ms. Eckhart uses humor to address serious topics such as dealing with loss, raising children, and when to stay in or get out of the military. She sheds light on the changing culture of the military and the different expectations it has for wives and children. In a perfect world, every FRG leader and every wife would receive this book prior to a deployment.

DIGIJOURNAL 022--13 JULY 2007

DATELINE: 13JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

PHYSICAL COURAGE
Greetings from Paliwoda. CPL C and I just returned from visiting our D Company “Dragoons” up at Patrol Base Brasfield-Mora. They are doing well and have been keeping up with all those speed bumps, also known as the 82nd Airborne Division. We had a good time, and their morale is good as we head into the final stretch of this deployment.

We experienced a little excitement on the flight up to Brasfield. Last time we flew, CPL C had a dog and then a MP barf next to him. This trip, after taking off from Paliwoda, we apparently received some gunfire directed at the Blackhawk. This I did not see, but what I did see was our door-gunner light up whoever was shooting at us. Judging from the sheer amount of ammo he poured into his target, I am pretty sure that that particular enemy fighter had a very bad day.

One of the things that I want to share with you is to describe the raw, physical courage that our troopers display on a daily basis. The best way to illustrate this is to tell you about the conditions in which they operate.

I just finished reading The Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. Luttrell is a Navy Seal who, despite losing three of his closest friends in an ambush, managed to survive in the mountains of Afghanistan for five days before a group of Army Rangers rescued him. In the beginning of his book he mentions all the tortuous types of training that prospective Seals must endure before they can don the coveted trident of their branch. Time and time again he is told by his instructors that it is mental, not physical, toughness that will get them through difficult times.

Our soldiers must be mentally tough as well in order to face the environment of combat. Every day the temperature hits the low to mid 120s, and at night it only drops to 100-105. In the morning, our guys roll out in their Bradley Fighting Vehicles, carrying three crew and up to 9 dismounts in the back. These dismounts, with a full combat load of ammo, grenades, flares, aid bags, body armor, etc., carry roughly 100 lbs. of extra weight. The temperature inside the vehicles can rise to up to 200 degrees. Ice melts in 30 minutes, and the water they carry can be as hot as coffee as they drink it down.

And drink it down they must, for it takes only a few minutes for one to go from heat exhaustion to the life-threatening condition of heat stroke. In and out of the Bradleys these guys move in sector, with long foot patrols breaking up the monotony of riding in a mobile pizza oven. By the way, as they roam the battlefield, they are looking for IEDs, avoiding sniper and RPG fire, scanning for enemy, shaking hands with the locals, discerning who is friendly and who is not, passing out school supplies, and generally trying to be the warrior-diplomat that we ask them to be. After doing this all day, these guys return to the base exhausted and drained.

Throughout our history, many American fighting men have faced tougher conditions. I think of the 101st at Bastogne or First Cav in the Ia Drang Valley. However, our soldiers still must dig deep every day just to make the mission happen. I have always said that I am just an observer, a witness to what this generation can and is doing. No matter what history eventually says about this conflict, the men and women of 3/8 CAV will be able to hold their heads up when they think of what they have done and overcome.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
VAUGHN HENRY
Mr. Henry is a part of the Adopt-a-Chaplain network. He has personally taken us under his wing. He usually sends 2-4 boxes every week, filled with donuts for the commo shop, drink mixes for me, and DVD movies and TV shows for our media library. All these endeavors take time and cost money, and I do not even want to think about the total amount of either that he has spent on us. It has been very much appreciated.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 016--13 JULY 2007

PREP FOR REDEPLOYMENT

Warhorse Family Members and Friends,

We are approaching mid-summer, and as our children attend camps or other activities and while moms begin to plan for the upcoming school year, I wonder if some of us are not feeling a bit frazzled. We faced a great challenge when we heard about the news of our extension. It takes some mental and emotional discipline to readjust one’s “coming home” clock by adding three months. Many soldiers, like me, had to make the painful adjustment on the count down timers we keep on our computer desktops. We charge ahead with our missions, eagerly thinking and dreaming of home.

One of the phenomena that my wife and I, and, from what we have heard, many other couples have faced, is the post-leave let-down. If leave went well, the goodbyes were difficult, and the brief respite we experienced by having two people around to help with household and child responsibilities came to an end. We have entered, perhaps, the most difficult part of the deployment—-the finish. Our patience, understanding, and tolerance for each other, the Army, and the war have, for many of us, reached a breaking point. I want to acknowledge that the trials you have faced personally and as a family are real. As military families, your challenges are unique, and ones that very few Americans can understand. When I talk with our soldiers, one of the themes that I hear over and over again is how much they appreciate what you are doing on the home front.

There is good news amidst the frustration and the loneliness—-redeployment. At times it may seem too far in the future to think about, but it is closer than we think. My plan is to write more frequently about some of the topics that will be helpful as we prepare for our reunions. At the end of this letter, I have enclosed a rough outline of the topics. If you see something that is missing or you want to respond to a topic, please do not hesitate to send me an email at kevin.wainwright@hotmail.com.

Before I share the outline, I would like to state my disclaimer about anything I write. I am not some fount of wisdom (just ask my wife, household 6) that claims to know and see all. In fact, most of the advice or opinions I share I sometimes have a difficult time following myself. I am reminded about the article I read in Time magazine when this war started, mentioning how some of the soldier’s wives were taken aback and even insulted by some of the briefings they received from their unit chaplains. In no way is any of this meant to be condescending. Instead, it is my hope to share some of the patterns I have either seen or read about when it comes to redeployment issues and adjustments. My family and I will be going through the same things ourselves, so I will have much to learn.

I would like to close by saying thank you for your service and your sacrifice. The Warhorse leadership cannot say this enough. We are able to do what we do, fight and win on the battlefield, because of what you do for us at home. You are the most important contributor to the emotional and spiritual morale of our soldiers. We will continue to keep you in our prayers, both individually and collectively during chapel services, as we prepare to finish our mission here strong and safe. God bless you all.

Honor et Ferocitas (Honor and Courage)
Warhorse Shepherd


BOOK REVIEWS
From time to time I will mention some of the books I am reading, especially if I think they will help soldiers, their families, and supporters back home better understand what life is like over here.

The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family
by Martha Raddatz

The Long Road Home is an excellent book that has been making the rounds through our battalion. I know her book is good when all the soldiers who read it agree with the perspective offered by Ms. Raddatz. The book chronicles the battle the 2/5 Cavalry Battalion fought in OIF II as it was taking over its area of operations. Up to that point, relatively speaking, Sadr City was fairly docile. Everything exploded when the 1st Cavalry Division came in to swap out with the First Armored Division. The strength of this narrative is that the author sticks to reporting the facts, which are dramatic enough. She also tells the story of the wives and families back at Ft. Hood as the news of the battle and the casualties began to trickle in from Iraq. I have spoken to several soldiers in our battalion who were in 2-5 during their last rotation, and they all agree that this book is an accurate portrayal. I will make the early prediction that, when they make a movie out of this book, it will have a similar impact that Blackhawk Down had for our understanding of the war in Somalia.

Brave Men, Gentle Heroes: American Fathers and Sons in World War II and Vietnam
by Michael Takiff

Michael Takiff has put together this marvelous collection of stories and interviews of fathers who served in WWII and sons who served in Vietnam. The value it has for military families is the honest portrayal of the lessons learned and burdens shared by military personnel who deploy and return home from combat. It helps the reader get a more developed picture of what these heroes face before, during, and after war. It also shows that many of these men can return home as better husbands and fathers as they begin to reflect on what has happened to them.


REDEPLOYMENT TOPICS

• I. Emotional/Spiritual Adjustments
  
  
  
  • A. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    
  • B. Seeking counseling
    
  • C. Making a big decision
    
  • D. Depression
  
  
• II. Red Alert: When Depression Can Turn Deadly
  
  
  
  • A. Suicide prevention
    
  • B. Addictive behavior
    
  • C. The Demon of Anger
  
  
• III. Growing Closer
  
  
  
  • A. Changes in relationships
    
  • B. Adjustment back to family life
    
  • C. Who is in charge?
    
  • D. It is both/and, not either/or
    
  • E. Sharing your dreams
    
  • F. Recommit to your vows
    
  • G. The challenge and blessing of intimacy
    
  • H. The first fight: a marital growth opportunity
  
  
• IV. Healing the Wounded
  
  
  
  • A. Grace and forgiveness
    
  • B. Limits of understanding
    
  • C. Suffering and growth
    
  • D. Acknowledging the pain
    
  • E. Not everybody will come home to a happy ending
    
  • F. Daddy’s war blanket: family rituals and their role in healing
    
  • G. And there I was: how war stories can help
  
  
• V. Listen before Fixing (Read the instructions)
  
  
  
  • A. Sacrifices on the home front
    
  • B. Sacrifices while deployed
    
  • C. The dangers of score-keeping
    
  • D. Communicate, communicate, communicate
  
  
• VI. Remember the Kids
  
  
  
  • A. Mentor and include your children
    
  • B. Learning from your children
  
  
• VII. For the Spartans (Single Soldiers)
  
  
  
  • A. They need our support, too
    
  • B. Who are their mentors?
    
  • C. What can their families do to help?
    
  • D. Setting goals
    
  • E. Safe celebrations
  
  
• VIII. Practical Advice
  
  
  
  • A. Adjusting your finances
    
  • B. Preparing for a move
  
  
• IX. Have a Plan (for those who are ETSing)
  
  
  
  • A. What is your plan?
    
  • B. How will you support your family?
    
  • C. The reality of civilian life
    
  • D. Take advantage of what the Army has to offer
    
  • E. Thank you for your service
  
  
• X. Your support network
  
  
  
  • A. Chaplains
    
  • B. Counselors
    
  • C. Friends & extended family
  
  
• XI. Grappling with Reality
  
  
  
  • A. The next deployment
    
  • B. Upcoming retirement
  
  

DIGIJOURNAL 021--4 JULY 2007

DATELINE: 4JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

FAITH
What follows is the letter I sent to my youngest son, Nathanael, for his third birthday. Three years ago, on July 5th, Heather and I welcomed him into the world. Or, to be more accurate, Heather welcomed him in because I was over here when he arrived. After he was born, the nurses noticed some irregularities with his breathing, and they whisked him away to the ICU where he spent most of his first week of life. After several days of testing and monitoring, Nate’s system stablized and he was released from the hospital. During that week, however, spotty communication with Heather combined with my imagination, and I began to think the worst. Fortunately, this story has a happy ending, but it was the most traumatic thing that I have ever experienced.

As you read this, understand that my story is not unique, for many soldiers have shared the same experience. What is amazing about them is that both parents, despite the challenges of separation and deployment, continue to function. Life and soldiering must go on, and I hope this gives you an idea of the type of sacrifice that our military families make in order to support their soldier and their country.

My Beloved Son,
Your name comes from the Old Testament Hebrew and means “gift from God.” After all that I went through when you were born, you have definitely lived up to your title. You were born in the summer of 2004 while I was in Iraq on my first tour. After much debate, your mother and I decided that it would be better for me to come home for R&R leave after you were born instead of before. We both wanted me to spend as much time with you and Josh as possible. I will always admire your mother’s courage for having to face her pregnancy and your delivery without me by her side. I had classmates at West Point who were born while their fathers were in Vietnam, and it amazed me how their young mothers maintained any shred of sanity while pregnant, listening to the news, and wondering if their child would have a father.

You came early, three weeks early, but you were still considered full-term. I was on my way to a morning staff meeting when our S1, the guy in charge of personnel and administrative stuff, said to me, “By the way, chaplain, your son was born this morning.” I did not attend the meeting. Instead I rushed to the Brigade Chaplain’s office, got a satellite phone, and called home.

Your mother was doing very well, but she sounded worried. She told me that there had been some complications, that your blood counts were off, and that you were in ICU. She said that you would be fine and that you were only in the special ward because they wanted to take precautions. During the next three days your condition seemed to rise and fall with every phone call. I would call in the morning, and your condition would be worse, but in the afternoon you would be better. It was heart-breaking, and I felt so helpless because I was in Iraq and could not be back there with you or your mother. This is the great challenge of serving two families, the Army family and one's own family—-sometimes you have to betray one in order to honor the other.

I learned much about my faith-life then. I would stand in front of soldiers and talk about maintaining our faith in God during tough times, and I meant it and still do, but now I had to walk the walk. One night, things were real bad, and I remember one of our lieutenants knocking on my door in the middle of the night. Usually this meant that someone had lost a family member or had to receive bad news. When I looked at his face, it was completely white. All the blood had run out of it, and it was then that I knew that the knock was for me.

The only time your mother ever cried during my whole deployment was when I called that night. She asked me if I could come home early on emergency leave because you were having trouble. I always felt as a chaplain that I had to support my chain of command, and often my support took place when I would tell a soldier that his life crisis was a crisis but did not merit him going home on emergency leave. Now I was that soldier. I will always remember the words I had to speak to your mother, my wife, when I told her that, unless you were dead or dying, I could not come home. Her voice cracked, but she then recovered and said that you were not that bad. After I hung up I wondered if she would ever forgive me.

I believe that we must always seek for and do God’s will, and I did not think that I should somehow be immune from life’s fair share of calamities. But I remember bargaining with God throughout your entire first week. I specifically said that I did not care if I had to change your diapers until you were 65; I just wanted you to live. I also prayed that your mother would not be so devastated by your sickness and/or death that our marriage would disintegrate as well. Part of me felt selfish for praying that, but part of me did not.

I remember thinking some quirky things after you were born. I kept asking your mother time and time again was she sure that my name was on your birth certificate. It became an obsession. I also repeatedly asked if they spelled your name correctly. Most people spell Nathaniel with an “ie.” Since I always liked Hebrew more that Greek, I insisted on spelling it the Old Testament way, Nathanael, with an “ae.” So now you know who to blame when you have to forever correct people on how to spell your name. At least I did not name you Sue.

Three years have passed, and I am back in Iraq, and you are still here. Your mom and I think you will be the child that will age us. You still have some lingering health issues, but you have so far managed to overcome all the little physical hiccups that came with your life. I, or rather your mother, still have to change your diapers, but you are showing that you might even grow out of that. I hope you do before I get home.

Because of this war and how you came to us, I will always think of you with both joy and sorrow. I worried so much that it is really the only thing that I think about that might be classified as PTSD. You are such a smart and handsome little boy. My heart sings every time you grab my hand, whether it is to show me how you sneak cookies when your mother is not looking or when you want to shoot baskets on your small hoop. You were and are a gift from God. Happy Birthday from your father.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION of VETERANS, Illinois
The American Association of Veterans from Illinois sent the 3/8 BN several hundred flame retardant shirts to wear under our uniforms. I tried to get them out to as many of our "trigger-pullers" as possible. This group also sent several hundred dollars worth of phone cards that were eagerly snatched up by our soldiers stationed at LSAA. Thank you AMVETS for thinking of us when you were looking for projects to work on over here.

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF
The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family by Martha Raddatz



From time to time I will mention some of the books I am reading, especially if I think they will help soldiers, their families, and supporters back home better understand what life is like over here. The Long Road Home is an excellent book that has been making the rounds through our battalion. I know a book is good when all the soldiers who read it agree with the perspective offered by Ms. Raddatz. The book chronicles the battle the 2/5 Cavalry Battalion fought in OIF II as it was taking over its battlespace from the previous unit. Up to that point, relatively speaking, Sadr City was fairly docile. Everything exploded when the 1st Cavalry Division came in to swap out with the First Armored Division. The strength of this narrative is that the author sticks to reporting the facts, which are dramatic enough. She also tells the story of the wives and families back at Ft. Hood as the news of the battle and the casualties began to trickle in from Iraq. I have spoken to several soldiers in our battalion who were in 2-5 during their last rotation, and they all agreed that this book is an accurate portrayal. I will make the early prediction that, when they make a movie out of this book, it will have a similar impact that Blackhawk Down had for our understanding of the war in Somalia.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

LETTER to ARMED FORCES SUPPORT COALITION--21 JUNE 2007

21JUN07

DOES YOUR VIDEO MATCH YOUR AUDIO?

“For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.” James 2:26

James wrote these words as a way to hold early Christians accountable. Whether one is a Christian or not, it is easy to discover the folks who tend to say one thing and do another. As I like to say, their video does not match their audio.

Does our video match our audio when we say, regardless of what our position is concerning the war, that we support our troops? It is easy to slap a yellow ribbon on the back of a car, raise the flag, and proclaim loudly that one supports our soldiers, but it is entirely another thing to make a real sacrifice of time and money in order to support them. This is exactly what the Armed Forces Support Coalition (AFSC) of Durango, Colorado has done.

The AFSC has sent hundreds of boxes full of needed items to deployed soldiers. As the chaplain for the Third Battalion, Eighth Cavalry Regiment, I have received 20-30 boxes a week…for the last six months. The 800 soldiers that I serve have almost come to expect their weekly ration of goodies from the AFSC. Their charity, however, goes even further than that, for they have not only sent items for our soldiers to use but also for our soldiers to pass out to the Iraqi civilians, especially the children.

What individuals and/or groups participate in or belong to the AFSC? One would be surprised, like I was, at the political and social diversity of this organization. We have had several books stores, including those on the alternative side of the social spectrum, provide enough books for our battalion to have three separate libraries, one at each patrol base, for our soldiers. Individuals and organizations have sent much needed toiletry items for our men and women who do not live near a big base. They have sent stuffed toys, backpacks, and school supplies for our troopers to distribute to the Iraqi children in our area of operation, and they have done all this despite the wide-range of views concerning the overall purpose and rationale for this war.

Some might cynically scoff at these efforts to help soldiers and Iraqi civilians by saying that what the AFSC provides is but a drop in an ocean size bucket of need. In some ways they would be correct. I can tell you, however, that real, concrete benefits have come because some small businesses and organizations have taken the time to reach out to us.

The most important thing they have done is to communicate to our deployed troopers that they have not been forgotten. As the war has lengthened, one of my concerns is that we would be pushed aside by the Anna Nicole Smiths and the Paris Hiltons of the world. It would be easy and in some ways understandable for the average American to begin to disconnect from an emotional involvement in this conflict. When we continue to receive boxes, notes, items, and supplies, it says to us that we have not become a footnote in the minds of John and Jane Q. Public.

The second blessing the AFSC gives to us is the opportunity to help the Iraqi people on an individual level. One of the challenges of soldiering in any war is to fight the inevitable onset of emotional fatigue. It is easy to begin to see all people as the enemy, especially in this guerilla-war type setting. The simple act of giving a hospitalized, Iraqi child a beanie-baby helps us to rediscover the common humanity we all share, and it makes us less cold and formidable in the eyes of the local Iraqi people. An act of service grants both parties the ability to see each other’s humanity, which, quite frankly, is a gift from God, especially in a combat zone.

It is easy to find a message of hope in this quiet but powerful outreach. I am amazed at how nostalgia seems to plague all generations, from the “greatest generation” to the “flower children,” making them believe that they were the last ones to have any standards, whatever those standards were, or to do anything that was good and noteworthy. The willingness of our young men and women to make the sacrifice of service coupled with the support they receive from individuals and groups of all political stripes shows me that we still have some terrific people both in our country and in our military. The support we receive is also an act of subversion, for it shows the intellectual Brahmin of our society on both sides of the political spectrum that Americans are a little more sophisticated then suspected. Lastly, and most importantly, the support of the AFSC and groups like it will mean, no matter what the verdict given by historians on the need for and outcome of this war, an easier transition back home and back into society. While I am thankful for the help we have received, my heart is also sad when I think about the lack of support given to other veterans of earlier wars.

On behalf of the Troopers of the 3/8 Cavalry “Warhorse” Battalion, I would like to thank the Armed Forces Support Coalition for their efforts. It speaks volumes about the quality of your community and the values all her people espouse.

I can truly say that your video matches your audio.
CH (CPT) Kevin Wainwright
Warhorse Shepherd

DIGIJOURNAL 020--2 JULY 2007

DATELINE 2JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

COURAGE
As a chaplain, one of the things that I do on a far too regular basis is visit our soldiers who come in on the medevac flights to the CASH (the acronym for a forward emergency room hospital). There, one can experience the entire gamut of human emotions from outright grief to humor. What follows are some highlights that I remember now that we are ten months into the deployment.

• A route clearance soldier was admitted to the CASH with wounds received from an RPG (rocket propelled grenade) attack. The RPG hit the windshield but did not penetrate. Unfortunately, it did cause debris from the windshield to eject into this trooper’s face. (Note: this debris is called spall, which is the source of most wounds our soldiers sustain over here--not the fragments that come from the exploding ordnance.) The soldier came out of his amnesia induced with over a hundred stitches in his face. The first thing he tells his platoon sergeant is that now he feels he can go to the promotion board, since he will receive some more promotion points from his purple heart. He also asks us if the fragments damaged any of his tattoos, and we all comment that his facial scars will make him look manlier to the ladies. When the joking goes away, we pray for his recovery and for all those who are working to heal him, closing with a prayer for his unborn child.
  
  
• Several months ago, one of our soldiers came into the CASH with very severe wounds. It was a tough visit for all of us, especially the first sergeant and the company commander. One of the most moving things I have seen over here is how much our leaders genuinely care about those they lead. Now, we can all be pains in the rear when it comes to standards, personality quirks, and just plain getting along, but, when the bullets fly and people go down, it is those very same leaders that can drive so many crazy that now must bear the greatest burdens. They always struggle with the fact that they were the ones that sent the now-wounded into combat. And, as they watch the doctors work on their soldiers, the second-guessing game begins. I hope that one of the things I get across to our leaders is that it is not their fault that we are here or that we must face danger to do our job. A medic asked me once if he would ever get over the changes he has experienced while serving in a combat zone, treating the severely wounded on both the American and Iraqi sides. I was honest and told him that none of us would get back to what we were, and it was up to our own relationship with God to determine if these changes would make us better or worse men.
  
  
• The most chilling reception I ever had when I entered the CASH was when I came to visit three wounded soldiers from another battalion. Their patrol was hit by two IEDs (improvised explosive devices), leaving five of their buddies dead and one of the three severely wounded. As I entered the CASH, a call came over the loud speaker for anyone with type A blood to report immediately to the donation room. Having type A, I and about twenty others made our way to make our donation. They were putting the blood into the wounded soldier as quickly as it was bleeding out of him.
  
  
• The most humorous story has to do with one of our soldiers who received a slight wound that nonetheless required that he stay at the CASH for a couple of days. Being an infantryman, he already smelled ripe when they brought him into the emergency room. The ER is no place for the bashful, for the staff usually picks out the prettiest and youngest nurse to cut off all your clothes in order to inspect any wounds. This soldier had a piece of shrapnel take a small chunk out of his thigh, so he spent a good part of the day in his birthday suit getting treated. It was not long before even he began to grow tired of his stink, so he gathered the courage to request a sponge-bath, hoping to draw one of the many attractive nurses who work in the hospital. His hopes rose when one of those said nurses agreed with his idea. What he did not see was when she mentioned his request to the biggest, burliest guy in the ward who also happened to be a nurse’s aid. The last time we spoke about his experience, I think he would have preferred staying dirty.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
AGAPE SISTERS, Hawaii
Last month this group of ladies who meet for Bible study and prayer sent thirty boxes to our soldiers. The Agape sisters hail from the great island of Hawaii. The soldiers appreciated all that they sent, and we all were able to daydream about what it would be like to be on the sand there instead of in the sand here.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 019--14 JUNE 2007

DATELINE 14JUN07 LSA ANACONDA

COMMUNION
“This is my body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” Luke 22:19

Every worship service we have, no matter the size, ends with the celebration of the sacrament of communion. I take a small, portable, Army-issue communion set with me wherever I go. I am always struck at how personally meaningful it is to join with other believers in sharing in the presence of Christ.

During the Reformation, one of the critiques that the reformers had of the Church (at the time), was that it did not celebrate the sacraments enough. Tradition held sway that, at most, the people received communion once a year, or, even less infrequently, only on their deathbed. At the time, many believed that to sin after receiving baptism or communion would condemn a person to hell. John Calvin, one of the early reformers in my tradition, believed that Christians should celebrate communion at every worship service.

Now fast forward to today, where one cannot conduct a Roman Catholic Mass without celebrating the Eucharist, while many reformed churches celebrate communion once a month or even only once a quarter. I remember how special, how powerful it was, to watch my friends in high school (I was a protestant who attended a Catholic high school, St. Pius X) go forward en masse to receive communion from the priest. It was powerful because I was able to see, sitting in the stands in the gym, the great leveling and unifying effect communion had. Instead of 800 separate students, faculty, and administrators, we were one.

As a Presbyterian pastor, my efforts to increase the number of times we celebrated communion at the various churches I served often ended in frustration. It was not because parishioners were petty; it was because we as a clergy had failed to educate those whom we served in the importance and meaning of communion.

Why does this matter? Why is this important?

Three weeks ago I visited the EOD (Emergency Ordinance Disposal) team at Patrol Base O’Ryan. Composed of three Air Force personnel, I had a pleasant time just talking about life with them. Later that evening, Airman William Newman and two other soldiers came to our hasty chapel service (due to missions, services tend to be small at OR), and we ended with communion. After the benediction, we always grip each other’s hands and pass the peace of Christ.

The next week, while the EOD team was disarming an IED (Improvised Explosive Device), it detonated, killing William instantly. I met his buddies, the platoon leadership, and his body at the CASH. We said a prayer for the dead and joined together in mourning for our comrade and friend. I had no doubt about his faith and the way he would have wanted to have concluded his life. William also knew where he was going.

The next week, his two other team members showed up to services, and, as we joined together for worship and the celebration of communion, I reminded them that, through the Holy Spirit, through the elements, we not only joined together with each other, but all Christians across the globe and across time. We joined as the living with those who had crossed into the Promised Land. William was as present at Christ’s table that day as he was two weeks ago.

Christians, especially American Christians, who tend to over-emphasize the personal experience of faith against the idea of the communal ecclesia or church, forget that the primary purpose of the sacraments is not to comfort one’s own spirit or give one a sense of uniqueness. In fact, it is the opposite. They remind us that we are not alone, and that not even death can separate us from the love of God and from each other.

As we gripped hands at the end of the service, SGT F, Airman Newman’s team chief, thanked me for the service. I asked that we both thank God for allowing the living to not forget the dead, and for letting all believers in history to sit at the Master’s Table, as one Body, in His love, rejoicing in the abundant life He grants us in the present, and the eternal life He has given us in the future.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
I would like to introduce a new part of my journal updates. Your support, both individually and collectively, has been overwhelming. I feel led to recognize some of the groups that have given so much to our soldiers. It is interesting to see such a wide-variety of people that have come together to support us.

ARMED FORCES SERVICE COALITION, Durango, Colorado
This group has donated literally hundreds of boxes in the past nine months. With their help we have built three separate libraries for soldiers, passed out numerous toys and backpacks to Iraqi children, and have received many unique gifts and tools for our Joes (soldiers). The Coalition is a collection pf public and private individuals and groups who have come together to let our soldiers know that they have not been forgotten. Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us.

NEW ADDRESS
I now have a new, old address. CPL C and I are moving our base of operations back to Patrol Base Paliwoda. The new address is listed below. If you have sent packages to the old one, do not worry, we will still receive them.
Wainwright, Kevin
HHC 3/8 CAV, 1CD
Patrol Base Paliwoda
APOAE 09391

Grace and Peace,
Warhorse Archangel