DISPATCH 016--13 JULY 2007

PREP FOR REDEPLOYMENT

Warhorse Family Members and Friends,

We are approaching mid-summer, and as our children attend camps or other activities and while moms begin to plan for the upcoming school year, I wonder if some of us are not feeling a bit frazzled. We faced a great challenge when we heard about the news of our extension. It takes some mental and emotional discipline to readjust one’s “coming home” clock by adding three months. Many soldiers, like me, had to make the painful adjustment on the count down timers we keep on our computer desktops. We charge ahead with our missions, eagerly thinking and dreaming of home.

One of the phenomena that my wife and I, and, from what we have heard, many other couples have faced, is the post-leave let-down. If leave went well, the goodbyes were difficult, and the brief respite we experienced by having two people around to help with household and child responsibilities came to an end. We have entered, perhaps, the most difficult part of the deployment—-the finish. Our patience, understanding, and tolerance for each other, the Army, and the war have, for many of us, reached a breaking point. I want to acknowledge that the trials you have faced personally and as a family are real. As military families, your challenges are unique, and ones that very few Americans can understand. When I talk with our soldiers, one of the themes that I hear over and over again is how much they appreciate what you are doing on the home front.

There is good news amidst the frustration and the loneliness—-redeployment. At times it may seem too far in the future to think about, but it is closer than we think. My plan is to write more frequently about some of the topics that will be helpful as we prepare for our reunions. At the end of this letter, I have enclosed a rough outline of the topics. If you see something that is missing or you want to respond to a topic, please do not hesitate to send me an email at kevin.wainwright@hotmail.com.

Before I share the outline, I would like to state my disclaimer about anything I write. I am not some fount of wisdom (just ask my wife, household 6) that claims to know and see all. In fact, most of the advice or opinions I share I sometimes have a difficult time following myself. I am reminded about the article I read in Time magazine when this war started, mentioning how some of the soldier’s wives were taken aback and even insulted by some of the briefings they received from their unit chaplains. In no way is any of this meant to be condescending. Instead, it is my hope to share some of the patterns I have either seen or read about when it comes to redeployment issues and adjustments. My family and I will be going through the same things ourselves, so I will have much to learn.

I would like to close by saying thank you for your service and your sacrifice. The Warhorse leadership cannot say this enough. We are able to do what we do, fight and win on the battlefield, because of what you do for us at home. You are the most important contributor to the emotional and spiritual morale of our soldiers. We will continue to keep you in our prayers, both individually and collectively during chapel services, as we prepare to finish our mission here strong and safe. God bless you all.

Honor et Ferocitas (Honor and Courage)
Warhorse Shepherd


BOOK REVIEWS
From time to time I will mention some of the books I am reading, especially if I think they will help soldiers, their families, and supporters back home better understand what life is like over here.

The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family
by Martha Raddatz

The Long Road Home is an excellent book that has been making the rounds through our battalion. I know her book is good when all the soldiers who read it agree with the perspective offered by Ms. Raddatz. The book chronicles the battle the 2/5 Cavalry Battalion fought in OIF II as it was taking over its area of operations. Up to that point, relatively speaking, Sadr City was fairly docile. Everything exploded when the 1st Cavalry Division came in to swap out with the First Armored Division. The strength of this narrative is that the author sticks to reporting the facts, which are dramatic enough. She also tells the story of the wives and families back at Ft. Hood as the news of the battle and the casualties began to trickle in from Iraq. I have spoken to several soldiers in our battalion who were in 2-5 during their last rotation, and they all agree that this book is an accurate portrayal. I will make the early prediction that, when they make a movie out of this book, it will have a similar impact that Blackhawk Down had for our understanding of the war in Somalia.

Brave Men, Gentle Heroes: American Fathers and Sons in World War II and Vietnam
by Michael Takiff

Michael Takiff has put together this marvelous collection of stories and interviews of fathers who served in WWII and sons who served in Vietnam. The value it has for military families is the honest portrayal of the lessons learned and burdens shared by military personnel who deploy and return home from combat. It helps the reader get a more developed picture of what these heroes face before, during, and after war. It also shows that many of these men can return home as better husbands and fathers as they begin to reflect on what has happened to them.


REDEPLOYMENT TOPICS

• I. Emotional/Spiritual Adjustments
  
  
  
  • A. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
    
  • B. Seeking counseling
    
  • C. Making a big decision
    
  • D. Depression
  
  
• II. Red Alert: When Depression Can Turn Deadly
  
  
  
  • A. Suicide prevention
    
  • B. Addictive behavior
    
  • C. The Demon of Anger
  
  
• III. Growing Closer
  
  
  
  • A. Changes in relationships
    
  • B. Adjustment back to family life
    
  • C. Who is in charge?
    
  • D. It is both/and, not either/or
    
  • E. Sharing your dreams
    
  • F. Recommit to your vows
    
  • G. The challenge and blessing of intimacy
    
  • H. The first fight: a marital growth opportunity
  
  
• IV. Healing the Wounded
  
  
  
  • A. Grace and forgiveness
    
  • B. Limits of understanding
    
  • C. Suffering and growth
    
  • D. Acknowledging the pain
    
  • E. Not everybody will come home to a happy ending
    
  • F. Daddy’s war blanket: family rituals and their role in healing
    
  • G. And there I was: how war stories can help
  
  
• V. Listen before Fixing (Read the instructions)
  
  
  
  • A. Sacrifices on the home front
    
  • B. Sacrifices while deployed
    
  • C. The dangers of score-keeping
    
  • D. Communicate, communicate, communicate
  
  
• VI. Remember the Kids
  
  
  
  • A. Mentor and include your children
    
  • B. Learning from your children
  
  
• VII. For the Spartans (Single Soldiers)
  
  
  
  • A. They need our support, too
    
  • B. Who are their mentors?
    
  • C. What can their families do to help?
    
  • D. Setting goals
    
  • E. Safe celebrations
  
  
• VIII. Practical Advice
  
  
  
  • A. Adjusting your finances
    
  • B. Preparing for a move
  
  
• IX. Have a Plan (for those who are ETSing)
  
  
  
  • A. What is your plan?
    
  • B. How will you support your family?
    
  • C. The reality of civilian life
    
  • D. Take advantage of what the Army has to offer
    
  • E. Thank you for your service
  
  
• X. Your support network
  
  
  
  • A. Chaplains
    
  • B. Counselors
    
  • C. Friends & extended family
  
  
• XI. Grappling with Reality
  
  
  
  • A. The next deployment
    
  • B. Upcoming retirement