Warhorse Chaplain's Story

DIGIJOURNAL 029--22 OCT 2007

2007-10-23T11:56:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 22OCT07

Friends,

I just finished my morning PT (Physical Training), which includes a couple of laps around the patrol base. I had been running on a treadmill, but most of those are now out of service. It is better to run outside anyway. During my second lap, two helicopters came in, and the sunrise painted the Blackhawks a pleasant orange and red. It is not all ugliness over here. My run is more like a steeple chase. Instead of jumping over hurdles and through water, I try to avoid the ponds of moon dust, piles of ankle-spraining rocks, and various tanker trucks cleaning out the latrines. Despite all this, running in morning over here is my favorite time of the day. I think of how Christ used to spend time alone in the morning praying and thinking about his upcoming day. No matter what mood I am in, the sunrise always makes me smile.

U2’s “City of Blinding Lights” came up on my playlist while I circled our little piece of America. I first heard this song when I was jogging at LSA Anaconda, waiting for my return flight to the States after my first deployment. The song, for me, has come to represent the bittersweet feelings of coming home. We have a memorial wall in our chapel that has the pictures and bios of all the soldiers we have lost. I was speaking with one of our soldiers about the date, April 8th, when 1LT N died. It was Easter morning. I am very happy to be coming home, but not completely happy. Some folks are not coming home with us.

Sports leagues are sprouting up all over the patrol bases in an effort to fight boredom. C Company had a very robust flag/tackle football league, complete with jerseys, a playoff, trophies, and an all-pro game. The guys at Paliwoda have either taken to the basketball court to play combat hoops (no blood or compound fracture, no foul) or our lighted volleyball court. I never thought infantryman would take their volleyball so seriously.

I am off to play some basketball. Hope you all have a blessed week.

DIGIJOURNAL 028--21 OCT 2007

2007-10-23T11:45:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 21OCT07

Friends,
A few observations before signing off for the day…

While at Paliwoda, which I affectionately call Camp Polliwog, my chaplain assistant and I share a room split only by a half-completed wall. As I write this, I hear whatever techno band he is listening to at the moment blasting through his headphones as he cleans his M9 pistol and his M4 rifle. The harsh metallic clangs made by a sliding rifle bolt or the charging of a pistol are the only sounds that interrupt the dull pulse of music. I have just finished my evening service, where we looked at Psalm 65 and talked about the inner joy that Christians should have because of God’s grace. I am struck by how much of what I do (or, I hope, what God does through me) depends upon that pistol and that rifle. No matter what opinion I might have about combat or what complex theological ruminations I have concerning war, my life depends upon the training, skill, and discipline of a 21-year-old from Efrata, Pennsylvania.
When I am out on a patrol, some soldiers marvel at my “courage” because I do not carry a weapon (per Army regulation). I would be kidding myself if I claimed courage. It is not courage. Instead, my willingness to venture out of the FOBs with the troops, even without a weapon, is one part ignorance, one part stupidity combined with four parts of the tactical competence of our soldiers, many of whom cannot legally drink and are barely old enough to vote. When I am out in sector, which is much rarer for me than it is for the majority of our troopers, I do not think about my death or other impending threat. In fact, I try not to think of anything that serious at all. I just look for changes and things out of the ordinary that might signal that the enemy is going to try to do something. If ever I am afraid (reminding everyone that I am the “ignorance is bliss” chaplain not the John Wayne-swagger soldier), I find immediate comfort in the number of soldiers around me, their personal courage, their readiness for a fight, and the quantity of weapons systems the average infantry squad employs.
At any given moment, I think it is realistic, and perhaps a little generous, for me to expect that 25% of the soldiers know and like me, 25% have no use for me, and 50% do not even have me on their radar. I wish I could think of myself as the “beloved chaplain,” but it is just not true. And it is not false modesty but rather a realistic assessment of what our soldiers deserve and what limited offerings I bring to the table that allow me to accept this honest vision. What I do know and take comfort in is that 100% of our soldiers do not want to be that unit that loses its mascot to the opposing team. Whatever they think of me, they do not want to be embarrassed by my wounding or worse.
42 more days, 4 hours, 40 minutes, and 32 seconds and a bunch of mal-adjusted, cowardly, hateful theocrats are all that stands between us and home, but who is counting and who is bitter?

We thank you for your support and your prayers and the time you take to read these grammatically incorrect and misspelled screeds. God bless you all.

DIGIJOURNAL 027--19 OCT 2007

2007-10-23T11:34:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 19OCT07

Friends,

I am sorry that I have not posted an entry in almost two months. CPL C and I have traveled across our area of operations giving redeployment briefs. Most of the battalion hit the one-year-in-country mark in early October. Additionally, the loss of two soldiers in September sent many of us into a funk. I think we all, at some level, are suffering from emotional fatigue. In the days ahead, I will try to get in a few more updates chronicling what it is like getting ready to redeploy. For brevity’s sake, I will use the bullet-comment format to share with you some of my observations. Here are some (in no particular order):

As we start to prepare to return home, time has slowed. I feel like I am back in my college physics class. I have a countdown clock on my computer desktop, but it never seems to move. I have finally taken the advice of one of our soldiers to stop counting, for it only seems to make it worse.
There has been much talk about the declining standards of new recruits coming into the Army. Statistically, standards may have dropped, but we are still seeing high-quality Americans joining the Army. One of the soldiers killed in early September was a 19-year-old Specialist, had just arrived to the unit, was full of enthusiasm, was highly-trained, and volunteered to go out on missions, including the one resulting in his death. Personally, I have lost patience with the crowd who doubts the professionalism of our troops. I would argue that we are the best- trained, the most moral, and have exercised the greatest amount of restraint towards non-combatants than any other Army in our history. I have concluded my redeployment briefs with the comment of how great our soldiers are. Despite all the hardships my family and I have endured during this deployment, being able to associate and serve our men and women in uniform has made any sacrifice worth it.
Another hot topic on editorial pages has been the lack of service on behalf of the sons and daughters of our country’s educational, economic, and political elite. I think, for one, that this statistic is inflated. I have met several officers and enlisted who come from what many would call the upper middle class. However, I agree that, despite this, the service of the sons and daughters of our Brahmin class is proportionately under-represented. The most popular solution to this problem is to reinstate the draft. Make no mistake about this: most of those who want to reinstate the draft do not want to improve the military, but instead they want to create enough chaos within the military to end the war. Those in power will be able to get deferments; they always have and always will. I would much rather have someone who wants to be fighting on my left and my right flank than someone who was forced to be there. Critics complain that the leadership of the military is out of touch with our civilian elite. What they do not consider is that our civilian elite might be out of touch with who the military still represents: the American people. The problem might be with the people who have the time and money to get elected to high office. Maybe our own voting habits, when combined with a desire for entertainment and to get as many benefits from the government as possible, have given us the government we deserve. I am not a Republican or a Democrat, and I subscribe to the old-school belief that officers should not vote in elections since they serve on behalf of the electorate. I do not have a dog in this fight. I do have a love for the military, not as an organization but for the people who serve. I believe with all my heart that our service men and women really are the best our country has to offer. All I ask of our political leadership, Republican, Democrat, or Independent, is let us serve without trying to score political points off our service, be they positive or negative. Hold us accountable, criticize us when we need it, be skeptical of military power grown too elite, or corrupt, or self-centered, but do not impugn our character. You did that to us in the seventies, and we have a long memory. We will not stand by and let you do it to us again.
The last point has to do with your continued support. October 15th will be the last day you can send mail to us. If you send things to us after this date, it might get returned. Many have asked if they could send items to my replacement. I think that will be possible, but I do not know who he is or when he will arrive. I will publish that info as soon as he gets here. I will also attempt to keep the thank you notes coming and the gift list updated, but, as we approach our redeployment date, tracking all these things will be difficult. Please know that what you send is greatly appreciated and has been used to make our soldiers’ lives brighter and the Iraqi’s lives better.

I am off to write my sermon. God bless you all.

DIGIJOURNAL 026--3 SEPT 2007

2007-09-04T10:38:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 3SEP07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

Dear Friends,
It seems like the days fill up with activity but pass too slowly as our hearts yearn for home. The weather is still incredibly hot, but we have finally seen some clouds in the sky…a reminder that fall is coming, bringing with it much needed rain.

A couple of weeks ago we had our new division chaplain, CH (LTC) Tom Wheatley, down to speak at our prayer breakfast. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of soldiers who showed up at 0700 in the morning. Our schedule, what we call our battle rhythm, usually has our soldiers staying up late into the evening, so it was a real effort for them to come so early. I am easily shamed by their devotion. I have had a soldier come to our Saturday afternoon Bible study soaking wet after enduring an 18-hour patrol. There are so many faithful men here.

CH Wheatley is a great guy and true mentor. Sadly, there are many chaplains who identify too much with their rank and not enough with the cross. I am always trying to find veteran chaplains to guide and direct me, but it is hard to discover them....fortunately for me, CH Wheatley came our way.

CH Wheatley was an inspiration to our soldiers. Years ago he completed Ranger school as a chaplain and has served in the Ranger Regiment and the Ranger Training Brigade. Not going to Ranger school has always been one of the great regrets of my military career. I have a tremendous respect for anyone who wears the Tab. And, because of his Ranger Tab, CH Wheatley had "instant" credibility with our guys.

I took him on a tour of Patrol Base Paliwoda. Both he and his assistant, MSG Holliday, enjoyed speaking with our soldiers. I left them for a moment, as they spoke with some of our tower guards, to watch a patrol of Bradleys and humvees leave the base. The dull, repetitive, clunking noise of a Bradley as it rolls into battle will be one of those sounds of war that will always be in my mind. No matter how many times I have watched it before, I still get emotional watching our “Joes” plod off to go one more time into the breach. What great men, courageous men, they truly are.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

FROM THE CHAPLAIN’S BOOKSHELF

On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace
By Dave Grossman

This is the follow-up book to the national bestseller On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by LTC (Ret) Dave Grossman. LTC Grossman began his look into the psychological components of killing on the battlefield while he was a professor of psychology at West Point. In this book, he places the focus on what is needed to produce effective and professional warriors in society. While a little plodding at times and heavy on the examples taken from law enforcement, it is nonetheless a valuable study on how people experience the stresses of combat.

The Five Love Languages, Men’s Edition
By Gary Chapman

Mr. Chapman has developed an entire industry around his five love languages concept. The book and the concept highlights the basic differences in how couples communicate love. This men’s edition is a very easy read with summaries and questions at the end of every chapter. This would be a good book (with wives reading the original edition) to read prior to redeployment.

Seize the Fire: Heroism, Duty, and the Battle of Trafalgar
By Adam Nicolson

A very interesting book that does a great job of highlighting the personalities, leadership styles, and ethos of the British Navy, the world’s most powerful military force at the time. Centered around the historic battle of Trafalgar, Mr. Nicolson brings out the drama, suffering, and heroism of all the classes of individuals serving on the most complicated war machines of their day. Interspersed in his narrative are several primary source accounts of what took place and what the major players were thinking.

Cannery Row
By John Steinbeck

John Steinbeck produced this novel in response to his soldier-fans in WWII wanting him to write something funny and not serious. Loosely based upon the life of his close friend, the biologist Ed Ricketts, Steinbeck uses the real town of Monterey, California as the backdrop to the lives of his colorful characters that prowl and party on cannery row. An entertaining, heartbreaking, and nostalgic look and a slice of pre-WWII America.

Brave New World
By Aldous Huxley

Aldous Huxley’s novel of the future is the foil to George Orwell’s 1984. In Huxley’s world, people are not dominated by an aggressive police state but through methods of eugenics, narcotics, and entertainment. 1984 has come and gone, but, sadly, the Brave New World looks like an ever more present option for those who wish to take away man’s liberty.

The Collected Poems of Wilfred Owen
By Wilfred Owen

Some believe Wilfred Owen to be the greatest poet to have penned from the battlefield of World War I. His poems tell the story of the futility, horror, and heroism that the British “Tommies” faced in places like the Somme, Ypres, and Verdun. Owen, a Victoria Cross winner who was killed a week before the armistice, paints a realistic view of battle that is still relevant today.

Grace Under Fire: Letters of Faith in Times of War
Andrew Carroll, Editor

This collection of letters from the Civil War to the War on Terror highlights some of the spiritual struggles our military face on the battlefield. A touching chronicle that is both timely and timeless, Carroll uses the letters to form a narrative that traces the highs and lows of faith.

Shoot to Kill: From 2 Para to the SAS
By Michael Asher

Michael Asher has written one of the better military non-fiction books I have read in a long while. This should be a must-read for junior military leaders who want to see a preview of combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. Asher traces his movement through the British Paratroop Regiment, our equivalent of a Ranger Battalion, the Special Air Service (SAS), equivalent to Special Forces, and finally the undercover police of Ulster. He makes several deployments to Northern Ireland in the 1970s as “the Troubles” reached a crescendo. The type of warfare he and his fellow “paras” encountered is not much different that what we face today. Also of note is how the IRA, heavily funded by sympathizers in the United States, exported its terror tactics to the Middle East. A chilling and truthful look at one man’s descent and ultimate redemption as a modern warrior.

Flags of Our Fathers
By James Bradley

This excellent book, the source of the recent Clint Eastwood directed movie, tells the stories of the six men whose effort to raise the American flag was captured in the most popular photograph of the 20th century. Starting with their childhoods, then boot camp, and then their landing at Iwo Jima, Mr. Bradley, the son of one of the flag-raisers, shares the broken dreams, haunting memories, and not-so-happy lives that followed this battle. Three of the Marines would later die on Iwo, and only the corpsman, Jack Bradley, would go on to live a fulfilling life upon his return from the war. The only criticism I have of the book echoes GEN Patton, who, as he was racing across Europe, complained the American press’s infatuation with the Marine Corps made it sound like they were single-handedly winning the war. Mr. Bradley has a couple over-the-top statements about the "Naval Infantry" (said the Army officer), but it is an otherwise very moving book.

The Pearl
By John Steinbeck

John Steinbeck originally intended this short novella to be a movie script. Ultimately he crafted a morality tale where fate can take even the best and most noble intentions and turn them for evil. He based his work in coastal Mexico.

DIGIJOURNAL 025--11 AUGUST 2007

2007-08-28T02:33:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 11AUG07 CAMP ANACONDA

Greetings from Camp Anaconda.

It appears that we may have passed through the worst part of the summer heat. While it is still unbearably hot, especially for our guys who conduct dismounted operations, the mornings at least have grown a little cooler than they were a few weeks ago. Think of it as going from extreme pain to pain.

Often I will write about our soldiers who leave the FOB every day to go out on patrols and face the enemy. Sometimes I forget to mention all of our soldiers who do the often unglamorous work of keeping the battalion running. Sections like S6 (commo), the cooks, maintenance, S2 (intelligence), S4 (supply), S3 (plans) are just a few of the many sections that, though they may not face the same danger that a dismounted armor or infantry soldier might, are vital to keeping our equipment ready and safe and keeping our soldiers in the fight. Every soldier is important to the mission. We may not make movies about them, and we often do not think of them, but we would not be able to function without them.

I thought that as we grew accustomed to wearing our body armor that the annoyance of wearing it would fade. I thought it would get lighter as the deployment lengthened. The opposite has happened. Every time I pick up the flak vest it feels like it has gained another pound. It is such a pain to wear in the heat, and I do not even have half the weight some of our soldiers carry since I do not need ammunition. Despite the impression that some media shaped by reporting that the body armor we use is faulty, it absolutely saves lives. The vest works. While it may be a pain to wear, we always have the alternative to motivate us to keep it on, despite how our body groans underneath it.

The last item for this entry concerns the interesting feedback I have received to the posts in this blog. I spoke with some soldiers at breakfast at Patrol Base O’Ryan, and as we conversed they brought up this website. I did pause for a moment, because I knew that the harshest yet best critics of what I wrote would be the soldiers I write about. They told me (and I think they were being honest, or as honest as they could be to the chaplain without ripping into his opinion) that it was “pretty good,” which I took to mean around the C+/B- range. The number one critique is that they wanted more pictures, which I will correct this week.

Thanks to you for keeping us in your prayers. We are definitely at a very difficult part of our deployment, and our soldiers truly appreciate all the kindness and support that you give to them.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

The Cloister Walk
By Kathleen Norris

This is a wonderful collection of essays and reflections by an author who had drifted away from the faith of her childhood faith but then returned via two paths when her Protestant (Presbyterian) roots combined with her experience as a lay member of a Catholic (Benedictine) order. Ms. Norris touches on such far ranging topics as life on the Western Plains of North Dakota, the challenges of teaching poetry to elementary school children, and the shaping struggles of marriage, all through the eyes of a very modern believer who is nonetheless grounded in the very ancient traditions of Christianity. A very good read for those who wish to discover the gifts of the contemplative life.

The Moon Is Down
By John Steinbeck

In 1941, the Noble Prize winning author, John Steinbeck, was asked to write a play for the Office of Strategic Services as part of a counterpropaganda effort by the United States as its involvement in WWII developed. The result was not a play but this small novella. Set in a provincial and unnamed town, it chronicles the inescapable escalation of violence and suffering as a small German contingent slowly loses control of the local population. It is still a very modern book that accurately describes some of the situations we have encountered in Iraq.

Casino Royale
By Ian Fleming

While many have seen the James Bond movies, few have read the novels upon which the films are based. This was the first Bond book written by the former British Naval Intelligence Officer Ian Fleming. While the most recent cinematic adaptation of this work was great, as with any other attempt to make a movie out of a book, much was lost in the process. The James Bond of the novels is a much more complex and fallible character than the Bond of the films.

DISPATCH 017--8 AUGUST 2007

2007-08-12T14:26:00.000+08:00

Dear Friends,

The Warhorse Battalion continues to make headway in bringing stability to our area, with each new sunrise bringing us closer to home. The soldiers have acted professionally and compassionately despite the many hateful things they have witnessed and fought, and I cannot say enough how proud you should be that they have responded to evil by doing what is good.

We have entered the eleventh month of the deployment knowing we must wait until December for our return. No time in a deployment is easy, but, according to recent studies done by Army psychologists, we are in the most difficult period. For some, the coping skills that we have been using do not work like they once did. It is easy, as we look into what I call “the iron tongue of midnight,” to begin to wonder if there will be a dawn.

I will not give you a list of examples or pat proverbs to try to encourage you to do what you have already been doing—-persevering. Fifteen months is a long time to be away from the one you love, and fifteen months is a long time to constantly soldier. The best defense against despair is to have faith in those timeless aspects of our lives that are important: our vows, our families, our friendships, and, for some, our God. Let us not let temptation or indifference destroy what we have built, nurtured, and defended.

Your home-front sacrifices and successes have exceeded ours downrange. We still have much for which to be thankful. May we also remind ourselves that we do not endure alone. There are many around you who know what it was like to say goodbye after a mid-tour leave, to worry about your soldier’s safety, and to pray for a safe return.

I have included, belatedly, three of the topics I promised to address in an earlier dispatch. Let me offer a disclaimer before you continue. I am not a psychologist nor do I believe I am an expert on all these things. I write about them based on my reading, my observing of patterns, and my own personal experience. Many would disagree with my conclusion or focus on different things. My main purpose for addressing these issues is to remind us that the end is in sight and to get folks thinking about the next phase in our deployment, coming home. It does not end when we get off the plane. We should be as energetic in our preparations for return as we were to leave.

Grace and Truth,
Warhorse Shepherd

REDEPLOYMENT TOPICS

I. EMOTIONAL/SPIRITUAL ADJUSTMENTS
- A. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  - Some studies state that as many as 22% of our returning soldiers will suffer from PTSD.
  - Those who have deployed multiple times will often suffer a relapse from prior episodes or compound existing PTSD that was not treated.
  - PTSD may be the cause but is not a rationale or excuse for reckless and/or irresponsible behavior.
  - Not every soldier will have PTSD.
  - The vast majority of soldiers will face few long-term challenges as they redeploy and adjust to being at home.
  - A new theory suggests that each person has a different limit of how much stress they can take, and this is also affected by prior stress events (turbulent childhood, car accident, etc.).
  - Every PTSD event is specific to the individual soldier.
  - There are numerous PTSD symptoms, ranging from insomnia to outright violence.
  - The earlier the soldier and/or family member receives treatment the better.
  - Be proactive in your pursuit of treatment.
  - Take PTSD seriously. It is a disease that doctors can and should treat. I would also share a very non-politically-correct view of PTSD. Some folks might claim to suffer from PTSD when in fact they are using it to validate their experience in Iraq. For example: consider the soldier who claims to suffer from PTSD caused by a mortar attack when in fact he was never directly threatened. The vast majority of our Warhorse soldiers do operate at the “pointy tip of the spear.” They have seen and faced trauma.
  - The cliché is usually correct: the soldiers who talk about combat the least are the ones who have seen the most.
- B. Seeking counseling
  - Seeking counseling is not showing weakness.
  - Soldiers should seek counseling earlier rather than later. Please do not “white knuckle” it after redeployment, ignoring a problem in hopes that it would go away.
  - It is easy to confuse normal adjustment patterns with PTSD.
  - Generally, it is good to talk about things.
  - Contrary to what most think, seeking and receiving counseling will not hurt a career.
  - It is usually a good idea, if a licensed physician recommends it, to take medicine for treatment. However, it is usually not good to rely on medication alone.
- C. Making a big decision
  - Try to avoid if possible making a big life decision (buying a house, changing careers, etc.) immediately upon redeployment.
  - Before you make a big decision, allow for the normal, communication avenues to re-establish themselves in your relationship.
- D. Depression
  - Is a real disease that is often biochemical as well as emotional in nature.
  - Over one third of all women and one fourth of all men will suffer from a serious bout of depression in their lifetime.
  - Periodic depression, getting “the blues,” is a normal part of life. If it persists and/or begins to drastically alter your lifestyle or thoughts, seek treatment.
  - Can be dangerous if left untreated.
  - Risky behaviors and major personality shifts are signs of serious depression.

DIGIJOURNAL 024--30 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T13:48:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 30JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

A Country to Fight For
An old saw has it that the best proof of a man's loyalties lies in the sports teams he roots for. If so, Iraq's fairytale 1-0 victory yesterday over Saudi Arabia in soccer's Asia Cup--and the euphoria it inspired from Basra to Baghdad to Kirkuk--is a timely reminder that Iraq is not just a notional country.

"Once again, our national team has shown that there is only one, united Iraq," Sabah Shaiyal, a Baghdad policeman, told the Associated Press. "You can see the national feeling," added one Abu Baqir of Sadr City to a reporter from the New York Times. "It has always been there, and we hope this winning will be the beginning of the end of sectarianism."

It is easy to get carried away by the symbolism of a single soccer victory. Still, it was remarkable that the winning team -- known as the "Lions of the Two Rivers"--was Iraqi in the broadest sense of the word. Younis Mahmoud, the team captain who scored the winning goal, is Turkman. Teammate Hawar Mulla Mohammed, who put the ball into position, is Kurdish. Goalkeeper Noor Sabri is Shiite Arab.

No less remarkable were the circumstances in which the team had to train and compete. Coach Jorvan Vieira of Brazil had to move the Iraqi players beyond their political differences. The team, which could not train on home turf, went from match to match in economy seats. (Their Saudi rivals travelled more comfortably.) The celebration of their previous victory, over South Korea, was cut short by a suicide bombing that killed 50.

Yet for everything they lacked, the Iraqis had a powerful if intangible asset over their more pampered rivals: a country to fight for. Perhaps their victory will give all Iraqis a taste of what they may yet achieve together.

fromThe Wall Street Journal, 30 July 2007, p. A12

Yesterday was an unusual and interesting day that in many ways summarizes the kind of character our soldiers have.

For the Religious Support Team, or RST—-consisting of yours truly and the loyal and capable chaplain assistant CPL C, we began this Sunday with our worship service. Afterwards, we spoke of how thankful we were that things had been relatively quiet in our particular sector. When I use the word quiet, I do not mean absence of war, violence, or danger, but just not as much. Our commander, Warhorse 6, put it best—-the Iraqis in our area of operation (AO) had begun to be more worried about the price of government-provided gas than they were about getting killed.

Around lunchtime, a huge explosion shattered the oppressively hot but quiet afternoon. One of our battalion surgeons, Doc B, said he saw a Mount Saint Helens-like mushroom cloud rising in the sky on the horizon. The insurgents had hit one of the Iraqi-manned checkpoints with a vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device (VBIED). After our command sergeant major, Warhorse 9, notified us, we rushed over to the aid station and awaited the incoming casualties.

One of the first things I ask is whether any of our soldiers were hurt. Fortunately none were, but we still had human beings coming into the aid station in various stages of trauma.

And speaking of trauma, one of our docs told me that, in his conversations with the doctors down at the combat surgical hospital (CaSH) at Anaconda, they admitted that even rotations at inner-city trauma centers had not prepared them for the types of injuries they've seen soldiers sustain in war.

I wish I could say I enter the aid station courageously and without fear when I know that there is a high probability that something horrific awaits on the other side of the door. My stomach still turns and I have to pray just to cross the threshold. CPL C, as the son of a nurse (and much braver man than I), seems to have an easier time dealing with the sights, sounds, and smells of the aid station.

Our two surgeons and several of our medics were huddled around the litter of an 11- year-old girl who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As the terrorists were launching their attacks, they also sent in mortar rounds to the local city of Balad. The insurgents tend to be foreign nationals or former, disgruntled members of the military. Of the foreign nationals, the vast majority of them come from Saudi Arabia, whose main exports seem to be oil and hate.

The girl and her father were working in a field when the mortars landed. A recent news item tells the story of an American soldier writing a column under an alias for a newspaper back in the States. The column has been controversial due to his claims of atrocities committed by his fellow soldiers against local Iraqis. Contrast those farcical tales with the scene of seven soldiers working feverishly to save this girl. CPL C and I stood in the background, with our medical gloves on, looking for any way we could help.

The girl died despite all the treatment. Our soldiers covered her up, prepared her body with dignity, and the RST went outside to tell her two uncles who waited for news. Communicating through a translator, we assured the men that our docs had done all that they could. They were appreciative, but their faces wore the hue of resignation that comes from having to pick up dead loved ones too many times. We helped carry the body to the waiting truck, and back we went to the aid station.

Our medical personnel continued to attend to the incoming Iraqi police and soldiers, and we were able to medically evacuate (MEDEVAC-usually by Blackhawk helicopter) the serious injuries to the CaSH.

When things quieted down, we began to walk back to the chapel and our offices (I call it the chapel complex to make it sound important). I spoke with some soldiers who were milling about, but out of the corner of my eye I saw one of our interpreters, Tupac, weeping. You might wonder about the names. Out of concerns for their safety, we give our interpreters nicknames, usually the names of rappers or historical mafia figures. I went up to him, and Tupac told me he had lost his neighbor and school-boy friend in the blast. His tears reminded me that despite what we hear or what we have come to think, there are still many brave Iraqis trying to make their country work. The soldiers who died or were wounded are young men who courageously stood out on the line, in the heat, attempting to make their country safe.

Later that evening, we conducted evening worship services. Celebratory gunfire greeted us as we left the chapel. I knew that the Iraqi national soccer team must have defeated the Saudis in the finals of the Asia Cup. Since the terminal velocity of a descending bullet is the same as when it leaves the muzzle, I encouraged everyone to stay under thick ceilings for awhile. I was and am happy for the Iraqis.

At the end of the day I had the following thoughts that I thought the people at home might want to know.

Our soldiers, despite long deployments and changing strategies, continue to be some of the most professional and compassionate people (my italics) I have ever known.
Having a morally upstanding chain of command makes all the difference in the world.
Leadership is everything at all levels.
The Iraqi people are incredibly resilient. They can be very frustrating, but this is mostly due to cultural differences than it is to ethical deficiencies. At the ground level there are many courageous men and women who refuse to be terrorized by homicidal killers, aka terrorists, Al Qaeda, etc.
Aside from the Divine, soccer is the most important democratic force in the universe.
Our AO is still safe and making progress. Everything did not unravel despite the terrorists best efforts.
It is a sad commentary that humanity allows a girl to die just because she was born into the “wrong-believing” family.
It is a hopeful commentary on humanity that so many people, Iraqi and American, worked to save her life and many others in response to the attacks by cowards.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Our soldiers are great men and women, and I still get choked up when I see the things they do. Take care.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH, WOODBRIDGE, VA
Snacks, clothes, toiletries, books, and Bible studies have all emerged from the boxes sent by this faithful congregation. By keeping us in their prayers, sending us the items that improve our living conditions, and giving us spiritually edifying things to read, this church has made our "adventure vacation" a little more bearable. Thank you.

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

Home Fires Burning: Married to the Military—for Better or Worse
by Karen Houppert

Ms. Houppert, growing up the daughter of a career Air Force pilot, losing him in a training accident when she was just 11 years old, has a great deal of personal experience with the military. In her book she follows several Army wives from Ft. Drum as they cope with their husbands’ deployments as part of the 10th Mountain Division. While not always flattering, I believe her book is nonetheless very truthful. It provides an especially valuable insight into the challenges of the wives of lower enlisted soldiers.

Under the Sabers: The Unwritten Code of Army Wives
by Tanya Biank

A daughter of a career Army Colonel, a wife of an Army officer, and a reporter for the local Fayetteville, NC (Fort Bragg) paper, Ms Biank chronicles the lives of several Ft. Bragg wives, highlighting the circumstances surrounding the four homicides that took place in 2003-2004 after soldiers returned from deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq. Her book stems from the nationally recognized articles she published as a military correspondent for Ft. Bragg. Her work is also the source for the new Lifetime Channel series Army Wives. A very honest description of the highs and lows that Army wives experience.

The Road
by Cormac McCarthy

In his fictional account of life in post-apocalyptic America, Mr. McCarthy accurately describes the powerful feelings a loving father has for his son as they travel “the road” to safety on the coast. Using a quasi-Odyssey like journey, his novel also tells of the painful fears fathers have for their sons as they live in a world that causes them to grow up much too soon.

DIGIJOURNAL 023--19 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T12:56:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 19JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

A LETTER TO JOSHUA

My Beloved Son,

It seems like I have been thinking about you more than usual. I think about you because of this separation and the effect that it has on you and us. Boys your age normally have a difficult time communicating their feelings about “daddy” being gone. Perhaps you think that I love the Army more than you or that I enjoy being away. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Every day that passes finds me loving you even more. I wish I had a job that I loved that did not keep me away from home for so long. I wish I had a job where all I had to do would be to take you to school and then play with you when we returned home. Unfortunately and fortunately, God has called me to minister to the military. Since He has called me, I pray and have faith that He will help our family navigate during these difficult times.

I want you to know that I have resolved to come back a better father. I need to play with you more. I should never refuse an opportunity to spend time with you.

Soon, boy, before you know it, you will be a man. But I will always remember you as my little boy with a great laugh and piercing blue eyes. The little boy who, thankfully, has so much of his mother in him. The little boy who makes me proud when he holds my hand and calls me Daddy.

I love you,
Daddy

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
WATERMARK CHURCH, Dallas, TX
This congregation has a military ministry that has sent numerous boxes, sermons, Bible studies, and other items to our soldiers. They have taken the time to write our soldiers, telling them of their support. It seems like their boxes seem to arrive at times when we are feeling down. Some would call that luck; I call it providence. Thank you Watermark.

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

COMBAT
Warriors: Portraits from the Battlefield
by Max Hastings

Mr. Hastings, a noted English military historian, compiles the life stories of sixteen war heroes from various nations during the 19th and 20th centuries. Written for the laymen as well as the serious scholar, Mr. Hastings takes care to point out not only the battlefield successes of these 15 men and 1 woman but also their post-war struggles. The author, in addition to the historical facts, also gives us some of the underlying psychological tensions involved with the characters. A great book…I could not put it down.

Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of Seal Team 10
by Marcus Luttrell with Patrick Robinson

Marcus Luttrell is a native Texan who grew up wanting to be a Navy Seal. The first half of the book deals with the harrowing experience of Seal training, with the second half describing the mission of Operation Redwing in Afghanistan. The strength of the book comes from the telling of ethical dilemmas that arise in combat and how soldiers prepare for and confront them. He highlights how training must be as difficult as possible in peacetime so that military personnel can face the challenges of combat.

Brave Men, Gentle Heroes: American Fathers and Sons in World War II and Vietnam
by Michael Takiff

Michael Takiff has put together this marvelous collection of stories and interviews of fathers who served in WWII and sons who served in Vietnam. The value it has for military families is the honest portrayal of the lessons learned and burdens shared by military personnel who deploy and return home from combat. It helps the reader get a more developed picture of what these heroes face before, during, and after war. It also shows that many of these men can return home as better husbands and fathers as they begin to reflect on what has happened to them.

CULTURE
The Kite Runner
by Khaled Hosseini

Dr. Hosseini, who spent his childhood in Afghanistan until his family was forced to flee during the Soviet occupation, has not only written the first English novel by a native Afghan but, more importantly, a great novel that combines evil, betrayal, redemption, and hope. In The Kite Runner, Dr. Hosseini chronicles the lives of two boys who grow up in the Afghan capital of Kabul, with one staying after the occupation while one flees to America. The book humanizes the Afghan and, by extension, the Arab peoples by getting behind the disjointed stares we often see out on patrol and instead telling their stories and their dreams. A great work of fiction that forces us to re-examine some of the prejudices we might hold against the culture of this part of the world.

A Thousand Splendid Suns
by Khalid Hosseini

This is the second and most recent book by Dr. Hoseini. It takes place in the same setting as The Kite Runner, but now telling the story of two Afghan women whose lives become entwined during the Soviet occupation and subsequent Taliban takeover. It is an unflinching glimpse of life behind the veil for two women, one modern and one pre-modern, and how they cope with life’s challenges while developing into their own identities.

The Cairo Trilogy: Palace Walk, Palace of Desire, Sugar Street
by Naguib Mahfouz

Many scholars consider Mr. Mahfouz, an Egyptian and Nobel Prize winner, the first Arab novelist. The Cairo Trilogy tells the tale of an upper middle-class Egyptian family whose tranquil existence collides with the forces tearing at the modern Arab world. A fictional narrative of the larger cultural and religious issues that afflict the region, Mr. Mahfouz brings out the human inconsistencies of his characters as they pursue various lives to deal with the forces that threaten to consume them.

HOMEFRONT
Courage After Fire: Coping Strategies for Troops Returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and Their Families
by Keith Armstrong, Suzanne Best, and Paula Domenici

This is a book of lists compiled by three mental health care professionals. By using a quasi-PowerPoint style instead of a narrative, the strength of the book comes from the way it lays out in detail the reactions families can expect from their returning family members and themselves. The authors also list all the resources available to the family to address particular issues. Another good aspect of this book is that it stresses not only negative but positive things can come out of a deployment.

The Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman’s Guide to Raising a Military Family
by Jacey Eckhart

I highly recommend this very readable and funny book. Ms. Eckhart grew up as the daughter of an Air Force fighter pilot swearing that she would never marry anyone in the military. At age 20 she promptly married the only Navy guy she ever dated. Ms. Eckhart uses humor to address serious topics such as dealing with loss, raising children, and when to stay in or get out of the military. She sheds light on the changing culture of the military and the different expectations it has for wives and children. In a perfect world, every FRG leader and every wife would receive this book prior to a deployment.

DIGIJOURNAL 022--13 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T12:29:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 13JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

PHYSICAL COURAGE
Greetings from Paliwoda. CPL C and I just returned from visiting our D Company “Dragoons” up at Patrol Base Brasfield-Mora. They are doing well and have been keeping up with all those speed bumps, also known as the 82nd Airborne Division. We had a good time, and their morale is good as we head into the final stretch of this deployment.

We experienced a little excitement on the flight up to Brasfield. Last time we flew, CPL C had a dog and then a MP barf next to him. This trip, after taking off from Paliwoda, we apparently received some gunfire directed at the Blackhawk. This I did not see, but what I did see was our door-gunner light up whoever was shooting at us. Judging from the sheer amount of ammo he poured into his target, I am pretty sure that that particular enemy fighter had a very bad day.

One of the things that I want to share with you is to describe the raw, physical courage that our troopers display on a daily basis. The best way to illustrate this is to tell you about the conditions in which they operate.

I just finished reading The Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. Luttrell is a Navy Seal who, despite losing three of his closest friends in an ambush, managed to survive in the mountains of Afghanistan for five days before a group of Army Rangers rescued him. In the beginning of his book he mentions all the tortuous types of training that prospective Seals must endure before they can don the coveted trident of their branch. Time and time again he is told by his instructors that it is mental, not physical, toughness that will get them through difficult times.

Our soldiers must be mentally tough as well in order to face the environment of combat. Every day the temperature hits the low to mid 120s, and at night it only drops to 100-105. In the morning, our guys roll out in their Bradley Fighting Vehicles, carrying three crew and up to 9 dismounts in the back. These dismounts, with a full combat load of ammo, grenades, flares, aid bags, body armor, etc., carry roughly 100 lbs. of extra weight. The temperature inside the vehicles can rise to up to 200 degrees. Ice melts in 30 minutes, and the water they carry can be as hot as coffee as they drink it down.

And drink it down they must, for it takes only a few minutes for one to go from heat exhaustion to the life-threatening condition of heat stroke. In and out of the Bradleys these guys move in sector, with long foot patrols breaking up the monotony of riding in a mobile pizza oven. By the way, as they roam the battlefield, they are looking for IEDs, avoiding sniper and RPG fire, scanning for enemy, shaking hands with the locals, discerning who is friendly and who is not, passing out school supplies, and generally trying to be the warrior-diplomat that we ask them to be. After doing this all day, these guys return to the base exhausted and drained.

Throughout our history, many American fighting men have faced tougher conditions. I think of the 101st at Bastogne or First Cav in the Ia Drang Valley. However, our soldiers still must dig deep every day just to make the mission happen. I have always said that I am just an observer, a witness to what this generation can and is doing. No matter what history eventually says about this conflict, the men and women of 3/8 CAV will be able to hold their heads up when they think of what they have done and overcome.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
VAUGHN HENRY
Mr. Henry is a part of the Adopt-a-Chaplain network. He has personally taken us under his wing. He usually sends 2-4 boxes every week, filled with donuts for the commo shop, drink mixes for me, and DVD movies and TV shows for our media library. All these endeavors take time and cost money, and I do not even want to think about the total amount of either that he has spent on us. It has been very much appreciated.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 016--13 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

PREP FOR REDEPLOYMENT

Warhorse Family Members and Friends,

We are approaching mid-summer, and as our children attend camps or other activities and while moms begin to plan for the upcoming school year, I wonder if some of us are not feeling a bit frazzled. We faced a great challenge when we heard about the news of our extension. It takes some mental and emotional discipline to readjust one’s “coming home” clock by adding three months. Many soldiers, like me, had to make the painful adjustment on the count down timers we keep on our computer desktops. We charge ahead with our missions, eagerly thinking and dreaming of home.

One of the phenomena that my wife and I, and, from what we have heard, many other couples have faced, is the post-leave let-down. If leave went well, the goodbyes were difficult, and the brief respite we experienced by having two people around to help with household and child responsibilities came to an end. We have entered, perhaps, the most difficult part of the deployment—-the finish. Our patience, understanding, and tolerance for each other, the Army, and the war have, for many of us, reached a breaking point. I want to acknowledge that the trials you have faced personally and as a family are real. As military families, your challenges are unique, and ones that very few Americans can understand. When I talk with our soldiers, one of the themes that I hear over and over again is how much they appreciate what you are doing on the home front.

There is good news amidst the frustration and the loneliness—-redeployment. At times it may seem too far in the future to think about, but it is closer than we think. My plan is to write more frequently about some of the topics that will be helpful as we prepare for our reunions. At the end of this letter, I have enclosed a rough outline of the topics. If you see something that is missing or you want to respond to a topic, please do not hesitate to send me an email at kevin.wainwright@hotmail.com.

Before I share the outline, I would like to state my disclaimer about anything I write. I am not some fount of wisdom (just ask my wife, household 6) that claims to know and see all. In fact, most of the advice or opinions I share I sometimes have a difficult time following myself. I am reminded about the article I read in Time magazine when this war started, mentioning how some of the soldier’s wives were taken aback and even insulted by some of the briefings they received from their unit chaplains. In no way is any of this meant to be condescending. Instead, it is my hope to share some of the patterns I have either seen or read about when it comes to redeployment issues and adjustments. My family and I will be going through the same things ourselves, so I will have much to learn.

I would like to close by saying thank you for your service and your sacrifice. The Warhorse leadership cannot say this enough. We are able to do what we do, fight and win on the battlefield, because of what you do for us at home. You are the most important contributor to the emotional and spiritual morale of our soldiers. We will continue to keep you in our prayers, both individually and collectively during chapel services, as we prepare to finish our mission here strong and safe. God bless you all.

Honor et Ferocitas (Honor and Courage)
Warhorse Shepherd

BOOK REVIEWS
From time to time I will mention some of the books I am reading, especially if I think they will help soldiers, their families, and supporters back home better understand what life is like over here.

The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family
by Martha Raddatz

The Long Road Home is an excellent book that has been making the rounds through our battalion. I know her book is good when all the soldiers who read it agree with the perspective offered by Ms. Raddatz. The book chronicles the battle the 2/5 Cavalry Battalion fought in OIF II as it was taking over its area of operations. Up to that point, relatively speaking, Sadr City was fairly docile. Everything exploded when the 1st Cavalry Division came in to swap out with the First Armored Division. The strength of this narrative is that the author sticks to reporting the facts, which are dramatic enough. She also tells the story of the wives and families back at Ft. Hood as the news of the battle and the casualties began to trickle in from Iraq. I have spoken to several soldiers in our battalion who were in 2-5 during their last rotation, and they all agree that this book is an accurate portrayal. I will make the early prediction that, when they make a movie out of this book, it will have a similar impact that Blackhawk Down had for our understanding of the war in Somalia.

Brave Men, Gentle Heroes: American Fathers and Sons in World War II and Vietnam
by Michael Takiff

Michael Takiff has put together this marvelous collection of stories and interviews of fathers who served in WWII and sons who served in Vietnam. The value it has for military families is the honest portrayal of the lessons learned and burdens shared by military personnel who deploy and return home from combat. It helps the reader get a more developed picture of what these heroes face before, during, and after war. It also shows that many of these men can return home as better husbands and fathers as they begin to reflect on what has happened to them.

REDEPLOYMENT TOPICS

I. Emotional/Spiritual Adjustments
- A. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- B. Seeking counseling
- C. Making a big decision
- D. Depression
II. Red Alert: When Depression Can Turn Deadly
- A. Suicide prevention
- B. Addictive behavior
- C. The Demon of Anger
III. Growing Closer
- A. Changes in relationships
- B. Adjustment back to family life
- C. Who is in charge?
- D. It is both/and, not either/or
- E. Sharing your dreams
- F. Recommit to your vows
- G. The challenge and blessing of intimacy
- H. The first fight: a marital growth opportunity
IV. Healing the Wounded
- A. Grace and forgiveness
- B. Limits of understanding
- C. Suffering and growth
- D. Acknowledging the pain
- E. Not everybody will come home to a happy ending
- F. Daddy’s war blanket: family rituals and their role in healing
- G. And there I was: how war stories can help
V. Listen before Fixing (Read the instructions)
- A. Sacrifices on the home front
- B. Sacrifices while deployed
- C. The dangers of score-keeping
- D. Communicate, communicate, communicate
VI. Remember the Kids
- A. Mentor and include your children
- B. Learning from your children
VII. For the Spartans (Single Soldiers)
- A. They need our support, too
- B. Who are their mentors?
- C. What can their families do to help?
- D. Setting goals
- E. Safe celebrations
VIII. Practical Advice
- A. Adjusting your finances
- B. Preparing for a move
IX. Have a Plan (for those who are ETSing)
- A. What is your plan?
- B. How will you support your family?
- C. The reality of civilian life
- D. Take advantage of what the Army has to offer
- E. Thank you for your service
X. Your support network
- A. Chaplains
- B. Counselors
- C. Friends & extended family
XI. Grappling with Reality
- A. The next deployment
- B. Upcoming retirement

DIGIJOURNAL 021--4 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T11:08:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 4JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

FAITH
What follows is the letter I sent to my youngest son, Nathanael, for his third birthday. Three years ago, on July 5th, Heather and I welcomed him into the world. Or, to be more accurate, Heather welcomed him in because I was over here when he arrived. After he was born, the nurses noticed some irregularities with his breathing, and they whisked him away to the ICU where he spent most of his first week of life. After several days of testing and monitoring, Nate’s system stablized and he was released from the hospital. During that week, however, spotty communication with Heather combined with my imagination, and I began to think the worst. Fortunately, this story has a happy ending, but it was the most traumatic thing that I have ever experienced.

As you read this, understand that my story is not unique, for many soldiers have shared the same experience. What is amazing about them is that both parents, despite the challenges of separation and deployment, continue to function. Life and soldiering must go on, and I hope this gives you an idea of the type of sacrifice that our military families make in order to support their soldier and their country.

My Beloved Son,
Your name comes from the Old Testament Hebrew and means “gift from God.” After all that I went through when you were born, you have definitely lived up to your title. You were born in the summer of 2004 while I was in Iraq on my first tour. After much debate, your mother and I decided that it would be better for me to come home for R&R leave after you were born instead of before. We both wanted me to spend as much time with you and Josh as possible. I will always admire your mother’s courage for having to face her pregnancy and your delivery without me by her side. I had classmates at West Point who were born while their fathers were in Vietnam, and it amazed me how their young mothers maintained any shred of sanity while pregnant, listening to the news, and wondering if their child would have a father.

You came early, three weeks early, but you were still considered full-term. I was on my way to a morning staff meeting when our S1, the guy in charge of personnel and administrative stuff, said to me, “By the way, chaplain, your son was born this morning.” I did not attend the meeting. Instead I rushed to the Brigade Chaplain’s office, got a satellite phone, and called home.

Your mother was doing very well, but she sounded worried. She told me that there had been some complications, that your blood counts were off, and that you were in ICU. She said that you would be fine and that you were only in the special ward because they wanted to take precautions. During the next three days your condition seemed to rise and fall with every phone call. I would call in the morning, and your condition would be worse, but in the afternoon you would be better. It was heart-breaking, and I felt so helpless because I was in Iraq and could not be back there with you or your mother. This is the great challenge of serving two families, the Army family and one's own family—-sometimes you have to betray one in order to honor the other.

I learned much about my faith-life then. I would stand in front of soldiers and talk about maintaining our faith in God during tough times, and I meant it and still do, but now I had to walk the walk. One night, things were real bad, and I remember one of our lieutenants knocking on my door in the middle of the night. Usually this meant that someone had lost a family member or had to receive bad news. When I looked at his face, it was completely white. All the blood had run out of it, and it was then that I knew that the knock was for me.

The only time your mother ever cried during my whole deployment was when I called that night. She asked me if I could come home early on emergency leave because you were having trouble. I always felt as a chaplain that I had to support my chain of command, and often my support took place when I would tell a soldier that his life crisis was a crisis but did not merit him going home on emergency leave. Now I was that soldier. I will always remember the words I had to speak to your mother, my wife, when I told her that, unless you were dead or dying, I could not come home. Her voice cracked, but she then recovered and said that you were not that bad. After I hung up I wondered if she would ever forgive me.

I believe that we must always seek for and do God’s will, and I did not think that I should somehow be immune from life’s fair share of calamities. But I remember bargaining with God throughout your entire first week. I specifically said that I did not care if I had to change your diapers until you were 65; I just wanted you to live. I also prayed that your mother would not be so devastated by your sickness and/or death that our marriage would disintegrate as well. Part of me felt selfish for praying that, but part of me did not.

I remember thinking some quirky things after you were born. I kept asking your mother time and time again was she sure that my name was on your birth certificate. It became an obsession. I also repeatedly asked if they spelled your name correctly. Most people spell Nathaniel with an “ie.” Since I always liked Hebrew more that Greek, I insisted on spelling it the Old Testament way, Nathanael, with an “ae.” So now you know who to blame when you have to forever correct people on how to spell your name. At least I did not name you Sue.

Three years have passed, and I am back in Iraq, and you are still here. Your mom and I think you will be the child that will age us. You still have some lingering health issues, but you have so far managed to overcome all the little physical hiccups that came with your life. I, or rather your mother, still have to change your diapers, but you are showing that you might even grow out of that. I hope you do before I get home.

Because of this war and how you came to us, I will always think of you with both joy and sorrow. I worried so much that it is really the only thing that I think about that might be classified as PTSD. You are such a smart and handsome little boy. My heart sings every time you grab my hand, whether it is to show me how you sneak cookies when your mother is not looking or when you want to shoot baskets on your small hoop. You were and are a gift from God. Happy Birthday from your father.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION of VETERANS, Illinois
The American Association of Veterans from Illinois sent the 3/8 BN several hundred flame retardant shirts to wear under our uniforms. I tried to get them out to as many of our "trigger-pullers" as possible. This group also sent several hundred dollars worth of phone cards that were eagerly snatched up by our soldiers stationed at LSAA. Thank you AMVETS for thinking of us when you were looking for projects to work on over here.

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF
The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family by Martha Raddatz

From time to time I will mention some of the books I am reading, especially if I think they will help soldiers, their families, and supporters back home better understand what life is like over here. The Long Road Home is an excellent book that has been making the rounds through our battalion. I know a book is good when all the soldiers who read it agree with the perspective offered by Ms. Raddatz. The book chronicles the battle the 2/5 Cavalry Battalion fought in OIF II as it was taking over its battlespace from the previous unit. Up to that point, relatively speaking, Sadr City was fairly docile. Everything exploded when the 1st Cavalry Division came in to swap out with the First Armored Division. The strength of this narrative is that the author sticks to reporting the facts, which are dramatic enough. She also tells the story of the wives and families back at Ft. Hood as the news of the battle and the casualties began to trickle in from Iraq. I have spoken to several soldiers in our battalion who were in 2-5 during their last rotation, and they all agreed that this book is an accurate portrayal. I will make the early prediction that, when they make a movie out of this book, it will have a similar impact that Blackhawk Down had for our understanding of the war in Somalia.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

LETTER to ARMED FORCES SUPPORT COALITION--21 JUNE 2007

2007-08-12T10:58:00.000+08:00

21JUN07

DOES YOUR VIDEO MATCH YOUR AUDIO?

“For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.” James 2:26

James wrote these words as a way to hold early Christians accountable. Whether one is a Christian or not, it is easy to discover the folks who tend to say one thing and do another. As I like to say, their video does not match their audio.

Does our video match our audio when we say, regardless of what our position is concerning the war, that we support our troops? It is easy to slap a yellow ribbon on the back of a car, raise the flag, and proclaim loudly that one supports our soldiers, but it is entirely another thing to make a real sacrifice of time and money in order to support them. This is exactly what the Armed Forces Support Coalition (AFSC) of Durango, Colorado has done.

The AFSC has sent hundreds of boxes full of needed items to deployed soldiers. As the chaplain for the Third Battalion, Eighth Cavalry Regiment, I have received 20-30 boxes a week…for the last six months. The 800 soldiers that I serve have almost come to expect their weekly ration of goodies from the AFSC. Their charity, however, goes even further than that, for they have not only sent items for our soldiers to use but also for our soldiers to pass out to the Iraqi civilians, especially the children.

What individuals and/or groups participate in or belong to the AFSC? One would be surprised, like I was, at the political and social diversity of this organization. We have had several books stores, including those on the alternative side of the social spectrum, provide enough books for our battalion to have three separate libraries, one at each patrol base, for our soldiers. Individuals and organizations have sent much needed toiletry items for our men and women who do not live near a big base. They have sent stuffed toys, backpacks, and school supplies for our troopers to distribute to the Iraqi children in our area of operation, and they have done all this despite the wide-range of views concerning the overall purpose and rationale for this war.

Some might cynically scoff at these efforts to help soldiers and Iraqi civilians by saying that what the AFSC provides is but a drop in an ocean size bucket of need. In some ways they would be correct. I can tell you, however, that real, concrete benefits have come because some small businesses and organizations have taken the time to reach out to us.

The most important thing they have done is to communicate to our deployed troopers that they have not been forgotten. As the war has lengthened, one of my concerns is that we would be pushed aside by the Anna Nicole Smiths and the Paris Hiltons of the world. It would be easy and in some ways understandable for the average American to begin to disconnect from an emotional involvement in this conflict. When we continue to receive boxes, notes, items, and supplies, it says to us that we have not become a footnote in the minds of John and Jane Q. Public.

The second blessing the AFSC gives to us is the opportunity to help the Iraqi people on an individual level. One of the challenges of soldiering in any war is to fight the inevitable onset of emotional fatigue. It is easy to begin to see all people as the enemy, especially in this guerilla-war type setting. The simple act of giving a hospitalized, Iraqi child a beanie-baby helps us to rediscover the common humanity we all share, and it makes us less cold and formidable in the eyes of the local Iraqi people. An act of service grants both parties the ability to see each other’s humanity, which, quite frankly, is a gift from God, especially in a combat zone.

It is easy to find a message of hope in this quiet but powerful outreach. I am amazed at how nostalgia seems to plague all generations, from the “greatest generation” to the “flower children,” making them believe that they were the last ones to have any standards, whatever those standards were, or to do anything that was good and noteworthy. The willingness of our young men and women to make the sacrifice of service coupled with the support they receive from individuals and groups of all political stripes shows me that we still have some terrific people both in our country and in our military. The support we receive is also an act of subversion, for it shows the intellectual Brahmin of our society on both sides of the political spectrum that Americans are a little more sophisticated then suspected. Lastly, and most importantly, the support of the AFSC and groups like it will mean, no matter what the verdict given by historians on the need for and outcome of this war, an easier transition back home and back into society. While I am thankful for the help we have received, my heart is also sad when I think about the lack of support given to other veterans of earlier wars.

On behalf of the Troopers of the 3/8 Cavalry “Warhorse” Battalion, I would like to thank the Armed Forces Support Coalition for their efforts. It speaks volumes about the quality of your community and the values all her people espouse.

I can truly say that your video matches your audio.
CH (CPT) Kevin Wainwright
Warhorse Shepherd

DIGIJOURNAL 020--2 JULY 2007

2007-07-03T23:01:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 2JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

COURAGE
As a chaplain, one of the things that I do on a far too regular basis is visit our soldiers who come in on the medevac flights to the CASH (the acronym for a forward emergency room hospital). There, one can experience the entire gamut of human emotions from outright grief to humor. What follows are some highlights that I remember now that we are ten months into the deployment.

A route clearance soldier was admitted to the CASH with wounds received from an RPG (rocket propelled grenade) attack. The RPG hit the windshield but did not penetrate. Unfortunately, it did cause debris from the windshield to eject into this trooper’s face. (Note: this debris is called spall, which is the source of most wounds our soldiers sustain over here--not the fragments that come from the exploding ordnance.) The soldier came out of his amnesia induced with over a hundred stitches in his face. The first thing he tells his platoon sergeant is that now he feels he can go to the promotion board, since he will receive some more promotion points from his purple heart. He also asks us if the fragments damaged any of his tattoos, and we all comment that his facial scars will make him look manlier to the ladies. When the joking goes away, we pray for his recovery and for all those who are working to heal him, closing with a prayer for his unborn child.
Several months ago, one of our soldiers came into the CASH with very severe wounds. It was a tough visit for all of us, especially the first sergeant and the company commander. One of the most moving things I have seen over here is how much our leaders genuinely care about those they lead. Now, we can all be pains in the rear when it comes to standards, personality quirks, and just plain getting along, but, when the bullets fly and people go down, it is those very same leaders that can drive so many crazy that now must bear the greatest burdens. They always struggle with the fact that they were the ones that sent the now-wounded into combat. And, as they watch the doctors work on their soldiers, the second-guessing game begins. I hope that one of the things I get across to our leaders is that it is not their fault that we are here or that we must face danger to do our job. A medic asked me once if he would ever get over the changes he has experienced while serving in a combat zone, treating the severely wounded on both the American and Iraqi sides. I was honest and told him that none of us would get back to what we were, and it was up to our own relationship with God to determine if these changes would make us better or worse men.
The most chilling reception I ever had when I entered the CASH was when I came to visit three wounded soldiers from another battalion. Their patrol was hit by two IEDs (improvised explosive devices), leaving five of their buddies dead and one of the three severely wounded. As I entered the CASH, a call came over the loud speaker for anyone with type A blood to report immediately to the donation room. Having type A, I and about twenty others made our way to make our donation. They were putting the blood into the wounded soldier as quickly as it was bleeding out of him.
The most humorous story has to do with one of our soldiers who received a slight wound that nonetheless required that he stay at the CASH for a couple of days. Being an infantryman, he already smelled ripe when they brought him into the emergency room. The ER is no place for the bashful, for the staff usually picks out the prettiest and youngest nurse to cut off all your clothes in order to inspect any wounds. This soldier had a piece of shrapnel take a small chunk out of his thigh, so he spent a good part of the day in his birthday suit getting treated. It was not long before even he began to grow tired of his stink, so he gathered the courage to request a sponge-bath, hoping to draw one of the many attractive nurses who work in the hospital. His hopes rose when one of those said nurses agreed with his idea. What he did not see was when she mentioned his request to the biggest, burliest guy in the ward who also happened to be a nurse’s aid. The last time we spoke about his experience, I think he would have preferred staying dirty.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
AGAPE SISTERS, Hawaii
Last month this group of ladies who meet for Bible study and prayer sent thirty boxes to our soldiers. The Agape sisters hail from the great island of Hawaii. The soldiers appreciated all that they sent, and we all were able to daydream about what it would be like to be on the sand there instead of in the sand here.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 019--14 JUNE 2007

2007-06-17T12:55:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 14JUN07 LSA ANACONDA

COMMUNION
“This is my body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” Luke 22:19

Every worship service we have, no matter the size, ends with the celebration of the sacrament of communion. I take a small, portable, Army-issue communion set with me wherever I go. I am always struck at how personally meaningful it is to join with other believers in sharing in the presence of Christ.

During the Reformation, one of the critiques that the reformers had of the Church (at the time), was that it did not celebrate the sacraments enough. Tradition held sway that, at most, the people received communion once a year, or, even less infrequently, only on their deathbed. At the time, many believed that to sin after receiving baptism or communion would condemn a person to hell. John Calvin, one of the early reformers in my tradition, believed that Christians should celebrate communion at every worship service.

Now fast forward to today, where one cannot conduct a Roman Catholic Mass without celebrating the Eucharist, while many reformed churches celebrate communion once a month or even only once a quarter. I remember how special, how powerful it was, to watch my friends in high school (I was a protestant who attended a Catholic high school, St. Pius X) go forward en masse to receive communion from the priest. It was powerful because I was able to see, sitting in the stands in the gym, the great leveling and unifying effect communion had. Instead of 800 separate students, faculty, and administrators, we were one.

As a Presbyterian pastor, my efforts to increase the number of times we celebrated communion at the various churches I served often ended in frustration. It was not because parishioners were petty; it was because we as a clergy had failed to educate those whom we served in the importance and meaning of communion.

Why does this matter? Why is this important?

Three weeks ago I visited the EOD (Emergency Ordinance Disposal) team at Patrol Base O’Ryan. Composed of three Air Force personnel, I had a pleasant time just talking about life with them. Later that evening, Airman William Newman and two other soldiers came to our hasty chapel service (due to missions, services tend to be small at OR), and we ended with communion. After the benediction, we always grip each other’s hands and pass the peace of Christ.

The next week, while the EOD team was disarming an IED (Improvised Explosive Device), it detonated, killing William instantly. I met his buddies, the platoon leadership, and his body at the CASH. We said a prayer for the dead and joined together in mourning for our comrade and friend. I had no doubt about his faith and the way he would have wanted to have concluded his life. William also knew where he was going.

The next week, his two other team members showed up to services, and, as we joined together for worship and the celebration of communion, I reminded them that, through the Holy Spirit, through the elements, we not only joined together with each other, but all Christians across the globe and across time. We joined as the living with those who had crossed into the Promised Land. William was as present at Christ’s table that day as he was two weeks ago.

Christians, especially American Christians, who tend to over-emphasize the personal experience of faith against the idea of the communal ecclesia or church, forget that the primary purpose of the sacraments is not to comfort one’s own spirit or give one a sense of uniqueness. In fact, it is the opposite. They remind us that we are not alone, and that not even death can separate us from the love of God and from each other.

As we gripped hands at the end of the service, SGT F, Airman Newman’s team chief, thanked me for the service. I asked that we both thank God for allowing the living to not forget the dead, and for letting all believers in history to sit at the Master’s Table, as one Body, in His love, rejoicing in the abundant life He grants us in the present, and the eternal life He has given us in the future.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
I would like to introduce a new part of my journal updates. Your support, both individually and collectively, has been overwhelming. I feel led to recognize some of the groups that have given so much to our soldiers. It is interesting to see such a wide-variety of people that have come together to support us.

ARMED FORCES SERVICE COALITION, Durango, Colorado
This group has donated literally hundreds of boxes in the past nine months. With their help we have built three separate libraries for soldiers, passed out numerous toys and backpacks to Iraqi children, and have received many unique gifts and tools for our Joes (soldiers). The Coalition is a collection pf public and private individuals and groups who have come together to let our soldiers know that they have not been forgotten. Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us.

NEW ADDRESS
I now have a new, old address. CPL C and I are moving our base of operations back to Patrol Base Paliwoda. The new address is listed below. If you have sent packages to the old one, do not worry, we will still receive them.
Wainwright, Kevin
HHC 3/8 CAV, 1CD
Patrol Base Paliwoda
APOAE 09391

Grace and Peace,
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 015--5 JUNE 2007

2007-06-17T12:13:00.000+08:00

CHARACTER

“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts.” Romans 5:3-5

A few weeks ago I returned from my EML leave. I was again reminded of the sheer daily effort that you all put forth just to keep the children safe and out of trouble, the bills paid, and yourself sane as you continue to keep hearth and home together back in the States. We will never be able to thank you enough for the sacrifices that you have made and are making, not only on behalf of your soldier/family member, but on behalf of our nation.

One of the great joys of leave was being able to reconnect with my family and remind myself that my rank, job, and military service are not the most important qualities that classify who I am--or we are. It is our relationships that are the critical to what really defines us: relationship to God, to spouse, to children, and to friends. It is easy, as this deployment continues, for us to forget who we really are. These important relationships that should ground us instead begin to fade as the responsibilities of soldiering pile up. It is natural to begin to overlook our spouses' role in our lives, for we have no choice but to learn to cope without one another. These are the type of tribulations mentioned in the above Scripture. As our moorings between ourselves and God, between ourselves and our loved ones, are stretched and strained, it is easy for them to break, setting us adrift upon the dangerous seas of temptation, self-absorption, and despair.

So how can we look upon the challenges in our lives with a sense of hope? How can we be positive when so much of the feedback around us is negative?

This is where character plays a part in our destiny. The type of people we are today as we face the difficulties associated with this extended separation will shape who we will become. If we let our hope die, our faithfulness wane, and our joy fade, then how can we not reap a future crop of bitterness? We must not let the day-to-day anxieties that come with the deployment overwhelm us.

How can we do this? Well, it is not about “sucking it up.” Instead, it is remembering the love that God has for us and that we have for one another that will guide us through these dark-valley times. It is by making it through these difficulties that we further strengthen the ties that bind us together as families.

As I de-boarded the plane in Dallas, I had to fight back the desire to rush ahead of my fellow soldiers so that I could see the three “VIPs” that awaited me. In order to get to the customs tables, we had to walk through a glass hallway located above the terminal. Something happened there that reminded me that the annoyances and disappointments of soldiering cannot extinguish the honor of serving our country alongside the great people in Warhorse Battalion. Every person in the terminal, whether he was pushing a mop, preparing to board, or eating her lunch, every person stopped what he or she was doing, stood up, and clapped for us, and they remained standing until all 200+ soldiers made it through the hallway.

They were not just clapping for us; they were also clapping for you. As wives and husbands of combat veterans, you are now part of a sacred band that has stood up and been counted on the roster of character. We make movies and write stories about who you are, what you have sacrificed, and how you have triumphed. When we are reunited once again, the great question is what kind of people will we have become, and what will be the health of our marriages? Blame and frustration are effective tools when it comes to slowly ripping a couple apart. Yet, it does not have to be this way, for our character will produce a hope that does not disappoint, because it is found in the love we have for God and seen in the love we have for one another.

Honor and Courage,
Warhorse Shepherd

DIGIJOURNAL 018--2 JUNE 2007

2007-06-17T12:01:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 2JUN07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

The following is from a conversation between SSG B and myself that took place while visiting a wounded soldier at the Anaconda Hospital. While I was looking at the Purple Heart we would soon award to a Warhorse soldier, I began a light-hearted conversation with SSG B…

SSG B Sir, it is bad luck to touch a Purple Heart.
CH W Sergeant B, I don’t believe in luck.
SSG B Sir, it is still bad luck.
CH W SSG B, God is either in control or He is not.
SSG B That might be true, sir, but we can always minimize risk.

I laughed at how SSG B “got” me. Minimizing risk…that is the best definition for not tempting fate that I had heard in a long time.

I have been spending the last week, or the last seven months for that matter, minimizing risk. After a very relaxing, fun, and overall great two weeks of leave, I have made it back to Iraq. It was hard the first couple of days to get back into the practice of battlefield awareness, but the soldiers I went out with were a great help. I must say again what amazing people they are. One of the byproducts of a long wartime deployment is the sense of closeness and family that begins to develop between us. While I was gone, I did not miss the place, but I did miss the soldiers. It always makes my day when they ask how my leave went, meaning that not only do I care about them but they are also concerned about me. Despite all the rhetoric the flies back and forth, and all the unknowns of how this war will turn out, I still believe that I serve the finest group of Americans that this present generation has produced.

One of the things I did while at home was to reread some of my blog entries. Sometimes I felt like I should turn in my college English degree. My only excuse is that the lateness of hour and the sense of urgency involved combined to make for some interesting and not-well-thought-out or edited writing. I thank all of you who periodically check in to this blog for your patience, understanding, and endurance. As part of a solution, I am going to write shorter but more current entries.

In putting out this blog, my desire was never to draw attention to myself, which I pray you understood. I do have many reasons for taking the time to do this. I want to get the story out there about what our soldiers are doing and what good people they are. If you are looking for objective, riveting reporting on what is happening at the business end of the war on terror, this page is not the place to find it. All that goes on over here is not doom and gloom. In fact, much of what we do is often boring and unrewarding--and some of it is pretty funny. Humor has always been a part of a soldier’s coping skills. I also hope this blog helps family members stay in touch with some of what is going on, as well as providing all of you great Americans who have provided support to us with updates on your packages and their distribution.

As I close, I do want to relate with a sad heart another casualty we suffered while I was on leave. 1LT Andy Bacevich was killed near Samarra on Mother’s Day. I had the opportunity to have dinner with him while I visited our soldiers at his FOB. He was a very intelligent, charismatic guy who cared deeply about his soldiers and their families. My condolences go out to his family: his mother, father, and sisters. Any words I say will sound like a cliché. As soldiers, one of the iron truths of being a combat veteran is that our hearts will never cease to grieve for him or any of the other Warhorse soldiers who have given their lives so that their brothers in arms might live. Requiescat in Pace.

Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 017--21 APR 2007

2007-04-28T12:59:00.001+08:00

DATELINE 21APR07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

Dear Friends,

Once again it has been far too long since I have updated this blog. I want to thank you for your continued support of our soldiers and patience with the timeliness of my submissions. Due to several things, this will be a rather lengthy entry.

The main reason for the delay was the death of 1LT Phillip Neel on April 8th, Easter Morning. Phillip was perhaps the most beloved lieutenant in the battalion, and we have a great group of LTs. He represented all that was good and right about the world. Most importantly, for me, he was a model of what a Christian gentleman should be. Perhaps the greatest complement I could give him is that I want my boys to be like him someday. I will write more about Phillip later, but the subsequent Memorial Ceremony preparation and time spent with A Company delayed my writing.

I promise not to use the words “well” or “as well” in this entry. I reread my last blog and noticed several grammatical and style mistakes. I cringed. As one who prides himself on grammatical orthodoxy, I was chief among sinners in my last submission. I am usually writing these things at night, and quickly, so I do not always put out my best stuff (and you might not be too terribly impressed with even my best stuff). I will do better this time.

Thank you for your prayers, your donations, and your love for our soldiers. They are the best people that our country has to offer, and there is not enough time or computer space for me to justify and quantify this belief. After seeing their daily displays of courage and honor, I have no doubts about the veracity of this claim.

INTERESTING QUOTES
A series of quotes that I have come across in my travels or study that I thought were interesting:

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I will fear no evil; for You are with me—and I carry more ammo than Rambo. -One of our A Co. Platoon Mottos

I find your lack of faith…disturbing. -Darth Vader

The crown of life, the conquest of evil, the establishment of righteousness among people and nations comes only to those who refuse to stop too soon, to cry ‘quits’ before the job is done. -Thomas S. Mutch

Thoroughly worldly people never understand even the world; they rely altogether on a few cynical maxims which are not true. -G. K. Chesterton

Habent sua fata libelli et balli--Books and bullets have their own destinies. -Ernst Junger

But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain, for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. -Romans 13:4

BATTALION PRAYERS
A collection of prayers written for our battalion update briefings (BUBs).

11 APR
O Most High and Gracious God,
In Your hands rest the fate of men;
In the shade of Your grace we find peace;
We ask that You comfort the grieving hearts of Second Platoon and all of A Company;
Dry the tears of family and friends in Texas;
And heal us as we mourn the crossing into the Promised Land of 1LT Phillip Neel, a compassionate leader, a loving son, and a faithful friend.
Amen

18 APR
Heavenly Father,
We pray for Your continued protection of the soldiers of Warhorse;
Grant us safety in our operations;
Watch over our families as they come to grips with the news of our extension;
And work through our words and deeds to bring peace to the Iraqi people.
Amen

LEAVE
This will most likely be my last entry before I go on leave. I will leave Iraq sometime in early May and return late that same month. Almost every soldier gets two weeks of leave sometime during his/her tour. The purpose of this time is for the soldier to go home and take his mind off the war, with the hopeful outcome being a refreshed and renewed soldier once he or she returns. Due to my constant movement between FOBs, I do not always get to counsel soldiers before they go on leave. When I do speak with them, one of the things I stress is for them to go home and not think about this place: do not email, do not call, do not worry (if they can). The Army survived long before they joined up, and it will continue to roll on long after they leave it.

Realistically, every soldier, especially the leaders, is going to worry while they are gone. Everyone wants to go home for good, but no one wants to let their comrades down. The greatest fear we have while we are on leave is that something will happen and we will not be there to help. It is and will be my fear. I do not intend on checking email or calling in, so you may not hear from me for awhile. I do try to post every box that we receive and write thank you notes to everyone. I still intend on doing these things, but it might take me awhile to catch up. I will continue to pray for the safety of our soldiers and their families, giving thanks for the support that they have received from folks like you back in the States.

VIRGINIA TECH
If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it. -Genesis 4:7, God speaking to Cain before Cain murders Abel

We were all understandably shaken by the news coming out of Blacksburg, VA. What can we say to such horrific images? The most difficult thing was to view the faces and to hear the stories of the victims. It was hard to see the young people; it was hard to see the holocaust survivor and professor who gave his life for his students; it was hard to see the past pictures of some of the students who served in the military. I could not help but to think that some of those guys probably survived a tour in Iraq only to be taken out by a punk kid who had issues.

A punk kid who had issues…a harsh thing for a chaplain to say? Perhaps, but I think not, and here is why. The pundits, intellectuals, and other social Brahmin of our society have already begun to enlist this tragedy in their cause (just like they do this war). The blame game has started, with the goal being to somehow understand what happened so that we could prevent it in the future, but can or will we ever be able to prevent such things? Well, let me suggest some reading of the facts.

Fact: this was planned out, i.e. premeditated—-he had more ammo to reload (suggesting premeditation), he mailed his screed and photos to NBC after his first two murders (more premeditation), and went back to murder those he had wounded (again, more premeditation).
Fact: most sufferers of mental illness are not harmful to society. They are most likely to be harmful to themselves. To blame mental illness is to claim that the murderer snapped. See first fact arguing for premeditation and then return to question of was it mental illness.
Fact: I work with soldiers every day who carry a full combat load of M-4 ammo (210 5.56 rounds). Many of these soldiers have backgrounds that make the background of this murderer look like a kindergarten birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese’s. The horrific stories I have heard from some of our soldiers describing their childhoods are truly heartbreaking. Yet these soldiers, some of them only 18 years old, are handed automatic weapons and then directed to go out and act with restraint, responsibility, and moral courage against an enemy that is not only trying to kill them but also has no problem killing innocent bystanders. And guess what, the vast majority of soldiers go out and do just that, act responsible. And if they do not, they are held accountable and get a one way and much deserved ticket to Ft. Leavenworth and the high security military prison that houses rapists, war criminals, and murderers.
Fact: we cannot control people. It took me seven years as a pastor before I finally learned this (I am a slow learner).
Fact: most everyone gets bullied at some point in their lives. There are many people who are outcasts who do not go out and shoot people.

Question (personal note: I do not own a gun, I do not like guns [which is why I joined the Army...see irony], and I do not belong to the NRA, so I do not have a dog in this fight): how many people would the murderer have killed if a couple of the students or teachers had handguns to fire back? Again, I am not arguing for vigilante style justice that would turn our college campuses into latter-day Tombstone, Arizonas. I am asking that everyone think before we start going after the NRA crowd.

We should examine what caused this guy to do what he did. We should look with compassion upon all people, but, and this is a revolutionary thought, let us hold one another responsible and accountable for what we do. Under the guise of feelings and compassion, we desire to absolve ourselves of personal responsibility, making us all victims. Well, guess what--once you become a victim you can no longer act upon the world, the world can only act upon you. Your well-being then rests in the hands of a king, a caesar, or a political leader. Check out the Revolutionary War, Hitler’s Germany, and, I do not know, perhaps guys with names like Pilate and Herod to see how it usually works out when your well-being is protected by another who “knows better.” Instead of blaming everybody and ourselves, let us blame this murderer, a punk kid who completely planned out and executed, in cold blood, a mass killing against innocents because he was angry at the world. He is no different than the murderers we are fighting over here. It was his fault.

Furthermore, what has happened to the concept of evil? We have explained it away. I paraphrase from the movie The Usual Suspects: “The best thing the Devil ever did was to make people believe he did not exist.” To acknowledge evil is to also acknowledge good, which, by logic, means to acknowledge the prime mover of goodness, a Guy that the philosopher and theologian Thomas Aquinas called God. Evil appeared that day in Blacksburg and with horrifying results. But yet, an elderly man who had seen the worst that evil could dish out stood against a doorway so that others might live. Evil was present, but did it triumph? Will it triumph?

EXTENSION
The crown of life, the conquest of evil, the establishment of righteousness among people and nations comes only to those who refuse to stop too soon, to cry ‘quits’ before the job is done. -Thomas S. Mutch

Q: How does one begin to discuss the topic of extension?
A: You don’t and pretend that it does not exist.

I, however, do not have that luxury. By now it has sunk in that our tour has been extended beyond the original 12 months. Before I move into any attempt at an explanation, let me first acknowledge the emotions, ranging from frustration…to outright despair…to numbing ambivalence that almost everyone is feeling. I liken our response to grieving. What we thought was going to be a happy reunion in five months or less is now going to be longer. Dreams are deferred, another birthday missed, another anniversary dinner delayed, and a vacation cancelled. If we combine these things with the more important reality of further exposure to danger while deployed, it is easy to see that dealing with these new challenges can seem overwhelming.

What I am not going to do is to tell folks, in essence, to suck it up, nor will I remind you on how much extra money our soldiers will be paid. I will not tell people that our soldiers have obligations and must do their duty. Why? Because all these things are already true. You have sucked it up, we have and will continue to perform our duty, and no amount of pay is going to buy back the time we will miss with you, the ones we love. Sometimes, when we as an Army deliver bad news, we want to quickly rush to the fix it and forget it stage without dealing with the inevitable emotions that come with disappointment. We cannot sweep under the rug, no matter how many briefings we attend, another fall of getting the kids to school on your own, another Thanksgiving missed, another soccer game without daddy on the sideline, and all the other sacrifices that come with a wartime deployment.
While I cannot speak any magic words or phrases to unmake the decisions that have been made, I can tell you that there are people out there who do understand your sacrifice and share your anxieties over further time in theater, and more time apart. These are the same people that can all too easily become the enemy or the folks on whom we take out our anger. These people are your fellow wives, soldiers, and families.

While we cannot change or control the bad news, we can control how we respond to it. Turning to, and not against, one another for support is the only real positive way to deal with this news. One of the best ways our soldiers cope with the stresses and disappointments that they face is that they can rely on one another. This deployment brought together many strangers that have now become closer than brothers. For better or worse, we have come to Iraq during a time of increasing stakes in the outcome of this war combined with a greater intensity of the actual battles. For a while we can rage against the powers that be, but eventually that will only involve kicking an unmovable boulder until we break our feet. The way that most of us, the deployed, have worked through the news is to realize that now more than ever before we need to rely on each other, our professionalism, our training, and our shared sense of sacrifice. We do this first in order to not let one another down, but we also do it knowing that we want to bring honor to you and all that you have done to help keep our minds focused on the battles here and not on worries about home.

As one who is a witness to the daily displays of the honor and courage of your loved ones, I want to also acknowledge your acts of heroism on the home front. You may not receive medals or awards, but we can only do what we do, remain positive and focused, and continue with our responsibilities by resting assuredly in the peace of knowing that we have your love and support. We need you, and we pray that you still need us, and we can and will be able to navigate through any shadowed valley knowing that you are with us, together, for better or for worse.

The hopeful dawn of redeployment will shatter the dark night of this extension. May God continue to bless you with strength of character, the honor of purpose, and the courage of heart that comes from knowing that what we do now matters and that we can gain strength from the actions and attitudes of one another. God bless you.

CARDS WITH COMMO
One of the highlights of a typical week, as a reward if I can get my sermon done early, is I get to go play cards with out commo section on Saturday nights. The card game we play is called Phase 10; it is some obscure game that I had never heard of before until SPC A introduced it to me while we were waiting on our flight to Kuwait. The real treat is the food. SGT P, a true Cajun from Louisiana, is quite possibly the best cook in the battalion. I joke with him by saying that he is a cook whose hobby is working on communications systems in the Army. He is able to get steak, shrimp, chicken, sausage, and rice from the mess hall, combine it with his special and secret seasonings, grill or steam it, and voila, we have a great dinner. I cannot believe how much this guy can do with so little. He is better than Emeril.

This past Saturday night SGT P had taken SGT Ph under his wing and let him cook dinner. SGT Ph is from Vietnam, has a B.S. in electrical engineering, and joined the Army when the economy of Silicon Valley took a turn for the worse in the 90s. Instead of Cajun night, we had Vietnamese night. It is an interesting world to be fighting in a war with folks who used to live in countries we fought now fighting for us against new enemies. One could write sermon after sermon on this topic and add to it numerous volumes of social commentary. I will not worry about such things. Instead, I got to enjoy the company of some really great guys who also happen to be really great cooks. Now there are rough days over here, but the oases of good times help us get through the deserts of misery as we soldier on in the Land between the Rivers.

EASTER SUNDAY
I have put off writing about this long enough. I wish I could say we had a good Easter. I can say that we had a meaningful Easter. Easter Eve, as I was putting my finishing touches on my sermon, I decided to take a break and go to the gym. On my way there I stopped into the TOC and heard that A Co. had received casualties. I will not get into the details, but Warhorse 6 (WH6), the Battalion Commander, called me into his office a short while later. When I saw Warhorse 9 (WH9), the Battalion CSM, and our Battalion S3, I knew that this was not going to be good news. Early Easter morning 1LT Phillip Isaac Neel died of wounds.

Every injury or death of a soldier causes one to pause with an ache in his heart. You get physically ill inside when the news breaks. I care deeply about every soldier equally, but I know soldiers differently. I really knew 1LT N. He was a regular in chapel, was a West Point grad (2005), and he and I would have long talks about what was going on in his life. Despite the fact that I was ten years older than Phillip, I believe he was more of a Christian role model for me than I was for him. Everything about him was good and honest and true.

Over here, one’s mind plays games with itself to pass the time. Periodically CPL C and I would make lists of folks in the battalion, lists based on various topics. One of our lists was who would be in the top five soldiers in the battalion who, if the lives of all the battalion’s soldiers depended upon their success, would make the quest for the Holy Grail. In the Grail legend, the only person who could go after it was the most pure of heart, faithful of character, and true to the Christian faith. 1LT Neel and SSG L were usually tied for first. I was not on the top ten list, not even close to it.

1LT N's death was a heavy blow to all of us. Rarely does one meet a platoon leader who does not have at least one soldier say something negative thing about him. In fact, the only thing said, and this was not a negative, was that 1LT N was always the first one to show restraint. He cared deeply about the Iraqi children and the people of this country. He cared even more about his soldiers.

Most of what I could possibly say is contained in the Memorial Message that my wife posted earlier. The thing that will stick with me is that Phillip was the type of young man that I wish I had been. He is the type of man I want my own sons to be. As I was preparing my sermon for tomorrow, I came across his namesake in Acts, chapter 8. The Apostle Phillip was the first to evangelize the Samaritans—the outcasts of the outcasts. He made the first Christian convert in Africa—the Ethiopian Eunuch. My prayer is that we do not look upon Phillip’s life with a sentimental heart touched with sadness. Instead, I hope his life causes all of us to pause and look at our own, look at what we have been doing and start doing what should be done, examine our own hearts and stop thinking of excuses for not living like we should and instead just do it.

The great sadness that I will have will be for his family: his parents and his brothers and sisters. I am going to try, if they will allow it, to visit them when I eventually get back. And every time that I return to West Point for whatever reason I will now have two friends, two role models, two heroes to visit: my classmate and middle school friend MAJ Bill Hecker (’91) and 1LT Phillip Neel (’05), the young lieutenant who taught an old chaplain how to walk boldly and peacefully in the Christian faith. “Well Done, Be Thou At Peace.”

FLIGHT TO SPEICHER
Before Easter, CPL C and I had to make a trip to COB Speicher for a Religious Support Team (RST) conference. The conference was quite good, and it had a very humbling effect on yours truly. Just the fact that I write a blog says something about my lack of humility. I have always thought it presumptive to think that I have something to say worth reading (and I am sure many first time-only time readers would agree). What was so meaningful about the conference was that I had the opportunity to meet some other very gifted and able chaplains. I am somewhat isolated here in Warhorse Land, so I can get either an over inflated or undervalued (usually over inflated) view of myself. I met some guys from the 82nd Airborne who were in better shape, better spiritual health, and of better hearts than me. One should always try to associate with a group of folks a little better morally than oneself. This was such a group.

The highlight of the trip was the flight from LSAA to Speicher. Everything that could have gone wrong for CPL C, my fearless and trustworthy assistant, did go wrong. We were supposed to fly out at 0115, but our flight was bumped to 0400 (pilots!!!!!), and then to 0515. We arrived at Speicher in time for the conference to begin, ensuring that we would be up for approximately 36 straight hours (do not weep for us; an infantryman will do things like this but do it on no food, uphill, in the rain, at night, with someone firing bullets at or detonating bombs underneath him). As we loaded the Chinook helicopter, we noticed than an entire military working dog team (3 dogs plus handlers) would join us. They had more stuff than our soldiers. They stacked a bunch of hard-shell cases right in front of CPL C, guaranteeing he would have zero legroom. As we took off, one of the dogs pooped in his kennel, the kennel right next to CPL C. The smell was great. Worried that it was oil burning or other mechanical malfunction, I was just about to state my objection to liftoff when Paul looked over at me laughing. About a third of the way into the flight, the pilot turned off his auto-adjustment program that fine tunes the numerous, manual adjustments pilots must make in a helicopter. Of course he did this for extra training, since it was an especially windy night. So, as we bumped along, a different dog yakked into his kennel, now combining the poop smell with the yak smell wafting into CPL C’s nostrils. Finally, to top it off, one of the handlers barfed into her hat, and she was, of course, sitting next to CPL C. All I can say is (with evil tone of voice), “Excellent! Excellent! Excellent!” When we landed, I could not stop laughing at him. Although I am not sure this is a good thing, especially since he is entrusted with protecting me on the battlefield.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 016--1 APR 2007

2007-04-28T12:50:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 1APR07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

Dear Friends,

In an attempt to keep things updated, I am trying to write as stuff happens. Hopefully this will prevent big breaks in postings. I continue to work on correspondence and listing who has sent items. Your support has been overwhelming. Eventually, I will get to everyone. I am somewhat embarrassed that I still have to write back about some things received from this past Christmas. Please know that it is not intentional oversight but just plain busy-ness. God bless you for your patience.

ALL CONGREGATIONS
Your support has been tremendous. Yesterday I unpacked 2 leather study Bibles that one church donated. I gave the first one out to our chief mechanic, CW4 B. He was overjoyed. Between the Bible studies, food, snacks, items for Iraqi children, and letters, our soldiers continue to benefit from your faithfulness. It also helps their morale to know that they have not been forgotten. Again, many thanks.

WEST SIDE GANSTAS
About half of our battalion operates out of Logistical Support Area Anaconda (LSAA). This is the largest base in Iraq, with over 38,000 soldiers and contractors living there. They have indoor and outdoor pools, many gyms, great mess halls, a PX, numerous fast food outlets, and a movie theater amongst other things. Life is not terribly hard for the majority of folks there. Although they do receive frequent incoming mortar fire, the base is so big and the rounds so inaccurate that the risk equivalent of getting hit is like being struck by lightning. Dangerous, but not imminent. This should mean great times for our soldiers, except for the fact that, not only are they too busy operating outside the wire, all the fun stuff is over 35 minutes away on the other side of the base. We live on the West side while most of everyone else lives on the East. A large airfield splits the LSAA, so it is a long commute, out of personal intercom range, to the other side. For unfortunate reasons (my too many travels to the trauma hospital CASH), I have been over to the East side. It is a mixed blessing. Yes, there is much to do, but that all means many ways to get into trouble.

We have started calling ourselves the West Side Ganstas because we seem to live in the “hood” when compared to our East-dwelling brethren and sistren. Our little piece of the LSAA pie looks like an antenna farm posted on the outskirts of civilization. We are close enough to the airfield that for 24 hours a day we hear the constant drone of aircraft and helicopters coming and going. We do not even notice anymore. For nighttime entertainment, we have the Naval chain gun working as an anti-mortar system. Radar picks up incoming rounds, and this rapid fire weapon system fires along the inbound trajectory, blowing up the shell. At night it looks like a large roman candle as the tracers laser-beam towards their target. Fortunately we have gym facilities nearby, so most everyone is trying to get in better shape, especially before they go home on leave. When times get hard for the West side boyz, I remind them that “it is not easy to be a gansta.” You can call me chaplain “street cred.”

PALM SUNDAY
Celebrated Palm Sunday this morning. We will have another service tonight. God blessed me with another timeless, Iraq memory. As usual, I forgot to think about palm branches for today. In the past, our very faithful and wise church secretary would have already ordered them, bailing me out. Which is another thing, we had to pay for the palm branches. Not this year. I was able to walk ten feet from the front door of my room/chapel and cut off some branches for the communion table. How many more times will I get to do that in my ministry life (hopefully never again, for that would mean I have made another deployment)? The service, like all our worship services, was good and meaningful. Meaningful not for anything earth shattering I said but because it was a moment of brotherhood in His presence. It is Christ working through our soldiers (and our Chaldean Christian interpreter) who makes it special.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 014--21 APR 2007

2007-04-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

EXTENSION
The crown of life, the conquest of evil, the establishment of righteousness among people and nations comes only to those who refuse to stop too soon, to cry ‘quits’ before the job is done. --Thomas S. Mutch

Q: How does one begin to discuss the topic of extension?
A: You don’t and pretend that it does not exist.

NEEL MEMORIAL--14 APR 2007

2007-04-15T11:11:00.000+08:00

FAITHFUL KNIGHT of GOD
MEMORIAL MESSAGE
for
1LT PHILLIP ISAAC NEEL
14APR07

SCRIPTURE

Psalm 121 (NASB)
The Lord the Keeper of Israel.
A Song of Ascents.
1 I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
8 The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

INTRODUCTION
Why Does This Happen to the Good Guys?

Easter morning. The birds greeted the sunrise like they always do: with praise and thanksgiving at the arrival of another dawn. But somehow, despite the light that crept over the horizon, our hearts did not feel like rejoicing.

How do we begin to face with hope a sunrise that seems to linger but cannot light the darkness that took a fellow soldier, a friend, a brother, and a son? How does one grasp hope on a morning that seems unreal, waiting for a platoon to arrive in from a mission that does not know the terrible news that awaits it?

The answer is that I could not, nor could anyone speak a word of comfort to that broken-hearted band of brothers. It was a difficult time, a time of disbelief that he was gone, a time of self-examination, a time of denial as we waited for the LT to show up at a rehearsal, in the A Company CP, or in chapel. As we tried to understand 1LT Neel’s death, we would always come back to the question, "Why does it seem that the good guys are the first ones to fall?"

And 1LT Phillip Neel was a good guy. During a conversation we had before he went on leave, Phillip wept for his soldiers and some of the struggles they had faced. When he went to visit his squad at the CASH after they had been hit by an IED, SGT Matschke remembered 1LT Neel standing in the background, tears running down his cheeks, blaming himself for what had happened. Everything about soldiering and being with his soldiers for 1LT Neel was personal. It was personal because he genuinely cared for the well-being of those around him, no matter what the platoon, company, or unit.

OUR FIRST REACTION
Vengeance, Anger, Hate

Now it is natural, when we cannot find the answer to why this happened, to begin to take our anger and our pain out on the enemy. As soldiers, we are supposed to be lethal to those who do evil, but we must be careful not to let our thirst for vengeance allow us to become just as evil. One of 2nd Platoon’s soldiers remarked that one of the things he admired about 1LT Neel was his ability to show restraint, to talk some sense into those around him, and to de-escalate the emotions that only those on the battlefield can understand. He would not want us to be weak, militarily or morally.

1LT Neel had faith in two things: God and you, his fellow soldiers. This is what grounded him and gave him the strength to form the ethical foundation for all of us. The last thing 1LT Neel would have wanted was for his death to sow a crop of cynicism and bitterness. The last thing he would have wanted would be for us to lose faith in God or in one another. Any darkness of Spirit resulting from his death would render his sacrifice in vain.

Why, we could ask, why would this be so?

If we worship the gods of anger and vengeance, we can seek to take our pain out on the enemy, hoping that enough death and destruction will take away the memory of a lost friend. But it cannot, and we risk losing our own souls to the quenchless thirst of the beast that soon changes from righteousness to bitterness, that changes from the focused professionalism of soldiering to the mindless rage of the vigilante. Or we could stop caring about others, especially each other, protecting ourselves from having to endure further suffering because of wounds and death, but soon we could become numb to everything about which we should care, slowly and gradually becoming ghost-men, with haunted eyes that no longer see with compassion the humanity of another. These are two routes, two courses of action that may temporarily treat our suffering and our pain but will eventually kill us by exterminating all that is good about who God created us to be. The third way is this: 1LT Neel’s way. It does not mean backing down from evil, but instead overcoming evil with good.

HIS RESPONSE
Compassion, Faith, and Love

We heard in the Psalm that God will protect us from all evil, that He will keep our soul. As those who grieve, it is understandable that we ask God why, why would You let this happen. But perhaps we should ask God how could someone like Phillip have been so good? Instead of asking why, maybe we should be asking what we can learn from the witness of his life?

We can see the answers to these questions on the faces of those in this room, in the relationships he had with all of us. SFC Rice and 1LT Neel were the odd couple. Who would have put these two men with such different personalities together? Yet when I asked Phillip who he had to talk to, to confide in, the first person he mentioned was SFC Rice. To those in his platoon I ask this, "Have you ever known a kinder man, a gentler man, who, although he was still a warrior, listened with his heart and always seemed to give the correct words of comfort or advice? Did being around 1LT Neel make you want to be a better person? Did following his example make you a better man?"

As we continue to struggle with the question of why, allow me to suggest that we should also be giving a word of thanks to God, not for what happened, but for sharing with us the gift that was the life of 1LT Neel, by showing us what unconditional love, otherwise known as grace, looks like.

WHO ARE THE GOOD GUYS?

We live in a world saturated by empty promises and shallow dreams. We have so cheapened our words--words like duty, honor, country--that many people no longer know what they mean. As one who knew Phillip personally and as a friend, I know the shortcomings of anything that I could possibly say to assuage your grief. So allow me to suggest this instead. Let us take one concluding look at 1LT Phillip Neel’s life:

While on leave, he continued to pray for his soldiers every day.
He never spoke a word about himself or his many accomplishments. He only spoke about you.
He was just and fair and honest in all his dealings with other men.
He was a man of faith, who proclaimed what he believed not with words of judgment or condemnation but with acts of compassion and love.
And finally, how would he have answered the question, "Why does it seem that the good guys are the ones to fall? Why is faithfulness worth it?"
He never asked whether his soldiers were good guys, were squared away, or were always perfect. He loved you, he was faithful to you, he led you, and he served you.

Like a good leader, he was technically and tactically proficient, but great leaders must be more than that. The great ones serve by placing the ones whom God has entrusted in their care—first. A Company, as infantrymen, you can sometimes be a little rough around the edges, but do not ever question whether you are the good guys. To 1LT Neel, you are all good. You are worth his tears, worth his sacrifice, and ultimately worth his life. And let us dare not leave here today thinking that God’s love for Philip is any more or less than God's love for you. For to do so would, in the LT’s heart, render all that he lived and died for, all that he sacrificed, in vain.

A KNIGHT of GOD

Let us close with one final image of 1LT Phillip Isaac Neel. In the legends surrounding King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, only one knight was good enough to achieve the ultimate goal of finding that sacred artifact: the Holy Grail. To go after this elusive prize without a pure heart would ensure one’s death. The only knight deemed worthy to find and hold the grail was Sir Galahad.

Today, instead of riding into battle clad in steel armor and on great steeds, we ride iron horses called Bradley or Abrams wearing OTVs and Kevlar helmets. Technology has improved what carries us into battle and protects our bodies, but the hearts of men--your hearts of courage, strength, and goodness--have not changed. Like knights of old, we still fight evil on the side of good, and we still have need for men of purity and goodness to show us what we should be, what we can be, what we shall be. 1LT Neel was just such a person. Let us listen to the final words of the poem Sir Galahad by Alfred, Lord Tennyson as we reflect on the witness of a fellow soldier, friend, and brother-in-arms.

Sir Galahad
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

A maiden knight—to me is given
   Such hope, I know not fear;
I yearn to breathe the airs of heaven
   That often meet me here.
I muse on joy that will not cease,
   Pure spaces clothed in living beams,
Pure lilies of eternal peace,
   Whose odors haunt my dreams;
And, stricken by an angel's hand,
   This mortal armor that I wear,
This weight and size, this heart and eyes,
   Are touch'd, are turn'd to finest air.

The clouds are broken in the sky,
   And thro' the mountain-walls
A rolling organ-harmony
   Swells up, and shakes and falls.
Then move the trees, the copses nod,
   Wings flutter, voices hover clear:
"O just and faithful knight of God!
   Ride on! the prize is near."

1LT Philip Neel, O just and faithful knight of God! Ride on! Ride on to your prize, and as the waters of that River Jordan part before your treading step, look up unto to the hills and see, pure love waiting to embrace you there. Hallelujah, Amen.

DIGIJOURNAL 015--30 MAR 2007

2007-04-07T00:22:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 30MAR07 LOGISTICAL SUPPORT AREA ANACONDA

“The only statistics you can trust are those you falsify yourself.” --Winston Churchill
“Idealism increases in direct proportion to one’s distance from the problem.” --John Galsworthy

Dear Friends,

I have continued to violate the first rule of blogging—keep your site updated (EDITOR'S NOTE: and it hasn't been entirely his fault; I've been slow to post what he has written due to Uncle Sam's requirement that I pay him mo' money by 15 Apr). I have been running, and flying, all over Iraq visiting your loved ones. I even had a chance to spend a couple of days with Dragoon (D Co.) up at Brasfield-Mora. They are well. I just opened and sorted numerous boxes this morning, and my hope is to get my correspondence up to date. Inshallah. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers.

IRONY
During my travels, I tend to make note of the New Mexicans (where I am from) I encounter. While our state has grown (we are the big square state between Texas and Arizona, we do not have an embassy, and we use the dollar), we are still few in number. Keeping track of NMs does have its hazards, like discovering one of our older lieutenants graduated from Valley High School in Albuquerque…ten years before I graduated from HS. Two of our soldiers in Chaos (C Co.) are Navajo Indians, one is from Gallup (we have three Navajo in our battalion, Yah-ta-hey!).

I looked up but could not grasp the verbal definition of irony, so here is my word picture: SPC E, a Navajo, wearing a 1st Cavalry patch. Now 1st Cav is cool, but it was initially formed to fight the Indians. Now, I am not going to go down the politically correct trail, but SPC E and I did have a good laugh. He shared that last time he was home he bumped into one of his friends at the mall. He was in uniform, and she asked him what unit he was in. She shriveled up her nose in disapproval when he told her. He shrugged and said to her to think of it as the “horsie” division. Excellent: horsie division. The conversation then turned to talk about green chile, sandpaintings, taking tourists for all their worth, genuine tribal dances, fry bread, and more reminiscences about “back in the day.”

The other image of irony is the fact that we, the Army, have to buy sand…in a desert. The truth is that one needs a particular kind of sand to make the most effective sandbags, but it is still ironic.

TRIP TO DRAGOON
Had the opportunity last week to travel to Brasfield-Mora to see D Co. What an interesting trip.

The helicopter (Blackhawk) trip up was a non-event except for the flirting between door gunner and Public Affairs NCO. To begin with, I do not like flying…in anything. While I am not afraid of heights, I am afraid of the reality that I am not in control of my destiny, especially when I do fly. It is for this reason that I did not like airborne school (although I was afraid to admit it), why I went mechanized, and why, knowing God’s sense of humor, my next unit will probably be on jump-status (since I am airborne, albeit five jump chump category, qualified). All I can think of once we our airborne is how gravity is so unforgiving, so I take occasions of my flight as prayer opportunities to grow my faith. After the routine take off, we did something different. This is no big secret, but we tend to fly close and fast to the ground, which is why I noticed when we climbed to five thousand feet after wheels up. Reaching final altitude, we hovered for a couple of minutes (with me telling myself that it was probably an optical illusion and that the ponderous pace from my perspective was in reality quick at ground level) then went nose down and dove. Adding to all this fun was my position next to the right door gunner (in a Blackhawk there are two), placing me in close proximity to the window, allowing me to feel the rushing air next to my face as well as to have a clear view of the approaching earth. The rapid descent reminded me that I had forgotten to eat breakfast, which was a good thing. We did level off close to the ground, and I turned my head to the left in time to see the left door gunner flirting with the PAO NCO. He had her plugged into the intercom, and I am sure he was laying on the charm (look at me, door gunner guy, I am so dangerous). Ladies, I do not seek your sympathy, but instead I want to acknowledge the Scripture “vengeance is mine saith the Lord.” I consider it justice received for all the times (I, of course, never did this) that some loathsome male has given you continued, unwanted attention after your numerous hints to him to drop dead.

After a day’s stay at Speicher, saying hello to SFC B (who is doing an excellent job), we left for Warhorse. This is the FOB outside of the city of Baqoubah, which, for all the wrong reasons, has been in the news. The soldiers there are doing a great job, but the mood is somber. They have taken many casualties. I did get to say hello to some of my fellow chaplains, who are also doing a great job as well. The next day…on to FOB Brasfield-Mora for two days with Dragoon.

The Dragoons are doing exceptionally well, despite the fact that they are tankers (armor guys used to riding, well, tanks to the field) attached to the light-fighting 2-505th of the 82nd Airborne. The 2-505th have treated D Co. very well, are good guys, and are very thankful for D. We did much visitation, and I took many pictures. The highlight picture was the 0200 liftoff of the Chinook helicopters loaded with D Co. doing an airmobile insertion. They even had Eddie the wonderdog (bomb-sniffer) with them. The mission was a success, and everyone made it back safe. The added trip-bonus was 1SG Q and I (combined age of 79) defeating SGT J and SPC F (combined age of 52) in two on two hoops, thus proving that age and treachery will always overcome youth and ability. As FOBs go, B-M is much improved (it was a dump last time, OIF II, I was here). D Co. is slowly trying to replace the 82nd color scheme (red and blue) by painting everything either red and white (colors of Cav) or black and gold (colors of 1st Cav). I wish I could get out and see them more often.

SOCCER WITH INTERPRETERS
My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. I played soccer with the interpreters and a couple of our soldiers a few weeks ago while I was at Patrol Base O’Ryan. I am sure it looked funny to 1SG F when he saw me fall on my face trying to wow my opponents with my moves. I can still picture all the things I used to do in high school, but my body no longer follows my commands. I am not fleet of foot, but I more than make up for it in body checking, pushing, and fouling…unintentionally. While it did occur to me that CSM N would literally give birth to a small mammal if he found out I blew my knee out playing soccer (my wife would roll her eyes, nonplussed), I soon forgot the consequences of my foolishness. It was great. It felt like prayer. Reminded me of the scene in Chariots of Fire where the future missionary and English 200- and 100-yard-dash Olympic competitor, Eric Lidell, was chided by his sister for running too much instead of focusing on his theological studies. He stated that God had made him to serve, but He had also made him fast. Well, I am not fast, but soccer is sublime when played. And, for a moment, as I played with the Iraqis, the war no longer seemed like an ever present reality, haunting every moment. I did not have to worry about their hidden intentions, plots, or schemes, and instead could focus on making a pass, heading a ball, and running down a forward (literally). Well, I paid for it the next day…the next three days. I coped by ingesting large quantities of infantryman’s candy (ibuprofen) and pretending that my twenty year high school reunion was not this summer. I can almost hear my wife rolling her eyes as she reads this.

PRAYER BEFORE BUBs
One of the honors that I feel I receive for serving with such fine people is that I do get to close our Battalion Update Briefings with a short prayer. I have included some of my latest below. My posting them is really for the families back at home to get an idea of some of what is on our hearts and minds throughout the day. I used to say them as they came to me, but I felt led to write down something more coherent.

As far as prayer goes, I am not going to get into the fact that public prayer has been part of the public square since before Jeffferson even began to think about the Constitution, nor will I digress into the entire church and state thing. I like to remind folks who want to codify partisan (key word being partisan) prayer into the public record that there are places where my family’s particular faith outlook would be considered in the minority, and I would not want someone else’s particular spiritual perspective (including militant atheists, keyword being militant) foisted upon my children. Nor do I think, like the Boston newspaper columnist Ellen Goodman and the other usual suspects have claimed, that our founders ever believed or intended for this to be a secular nation.

Recently there has been much ado about a Navy chaplain claiming that his chain of command attempted to limit his being able to pray in the name of Jesus. He made it sound as if there was some great purge underway of Christian chaplains from the Navy. I do not know about the Navy, and, although I was not physically there, I do know some of the specifics. This chaplain decided that it would be appropriate, during the Navy’s version of a Memorial Ceremony, a mandatory formation, to deliver a very pro-Christian, call-to-question-one’s-salvation type of message. Now, as a civilian pastor, I think that one should be able (unless you are a hate-mongering, Saudi trained Wahhabist [then you should be deported], or a bigoted, racist-spreading polemicist [see Aryan Nation, Rev. Phelps, Nation of Islam, et al] then you should be ostracized and monitored) to preach according to personal dictates, including political issues (with my personal opinion being that politics and the pulpit are usually not a good match). As a chaplain in my non-mandatory Christian services, I will adhere to my evangelical roots. However, Memorial Ceremonies are mandatory, are for the soldiers attending, and are not rooted in a religious service. Therefore, chaplains or anyone else speaking should refrain from making personal religious testimonies. The Navy chaplain was asking to be looked at, chose his own hill to die on, and then subsequently protested in front of the White House…in uniform.

Some may howl at his persecution and my statements, but first let me suggest that we ask this question: why do we have chaplains in the first place? Aside from ensuring religious freedom and access, aside from all the legalese, the chaplain is present; I am here, as a witness to God’s undying love for all our soldiers. Dogma is important, but no soldier ever has told himself, before running in the face of death and destruction, “I am not going to go save my buddy because he is not (fill in particular faith, gender, race, class, sexuality, etc.).” Why would a chaplain ever (intentionally) say something hurtful to a soldier, especially if the soldier was forced to listen?

This particular chaplain did not and does not get it. The longer I see their raw courage and unselfishness, the less I am inclined to see any of our soldiers, no matter what they believe, what they have done, and who they are, in other than in a faithful and awe-inspiring light.

I will share this story before I list two of the prayers. After I was accepted to seminary but before I left active duty (back in the horse drawn days I was an FA officer…serving under Napoleon), my battalion commander asked me to pray before a dining in. Somewhat surprised, I said a short grace and closed with “in Jesus name” like I usually did at church. Afterwards, in a non-threatening way, my Battalion S3—a man I greatly respected and admired—reminded me that not all are Christian (he is Jewish). I have never forgotten how ashamed I was that I might have offended or hurt him (in actuality, I did neither). But I have never forgotten his words.

So no matter what you or your soldier believes, know that his chaplain never forgets to pray for him (and you). And I will never intentionally put him in a place to ever feel ashamed for who he is, what he believes, or where he is from.

Protect Our Soldiers
Lord,
Protect our soldiers from evil
Keep their actions safe
Give their leaders wisdom
Free their families from anxiety
And use them to bring peace to this land. Amen.

Thank You for Courage
Lord,
We give You thanks for the courage of our soldiers
We ask that You give us ears to listen to one another
Patience with the frustrations of the deployment
Grant hope to our families back at home
And continue to watch over our words and deeds
Protecting us from evil both within and outside the wire. Amen.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 013--12 MAR 2007

2007-03-16T06:50:00.000+08:00

Soldiers
After taking some pictures at Akeel's (the local national market at Patrol Base Paliwoda), as I walked toward the artillery position, I saw three Bradley Fighting Vehicles and two HUMWVs rolling toward the gate, obviously going on patrol. As a chaplain who does not carry a weapon, I often ask myself what exactly I contribute to the Battalion. This is not a question I ask in order to receive reassurance, nor am I looking for the faith answer (for I know that). It is really an existential question, one having no answer. Because of what I believe, I am in the sowing business anyway, and one never knows how many weeds will grow where wheat was planted or how many bushels will be brought in at harvest time. But being human and in an organization that likes to judge its effectiveness by what it can count and measure, I still ask what I contribute.

As I saw the patrol roll out, for me, the question became unimportant anyway. Some might see five vehicles moving toward a possible engagement with the enemy. Others would see yet another arrogant display of American imperialism and power. And still others would see our guys going out to kick some insurgent *bleep*. I, however, saw a bunch of guys, and young guys at that, who still, after too little sleep and after seeing so much suffering, including their own, and despite all the numerous reasons to despair and fall prey to cynicism and bitterness, get up, ruck up, and do what their country asks of them because they, dare I say it about manly men, love one another.

I am not a touchy-feely type who cries easily--just ask my wife. The only movie that has ever inspired tears for me (much to my wife's chagrin) is Rudy. Thus, it is not sentimentalism shrouded by patriotism with Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to Be an American” playing in the background that pulls at my heart when I see such scenes. Instead, it is observing all that is noble in man displayed in a split-second by a group of soldiers still doing the impossible every day.

In the ancient era (or, "back in the day"), most of our poetry had something to do with war. During my periodic education/indoctrination as a student, war poetry, unless it was old and Greek, was somewhat frowned upon. I have finally realized over here that most good poetry was never intended to glorify the horrors of war. True poetry, true praise of the soldier, is really directed at the human spirit. For in war not only is man’s capacity for evil exposed, but also his potential for transcending the petty and parochial concerns of life to embrace the nature of the Divine: to give one’s life for his friends.

Dust, grinding, a flash from a Kevlar visor, and a gloved wave was all I witnessed for a brief moment, but it was enough, enough for me to dismiss my question and just be thankful that God has placed me amongst true heroes, the soldiers of 3-8.

Honor and Courage

Gratia et Veritas

Warhorse Shepherd

DIGIJOURNAL 014--12 MAR 2007

2007-03-13T06:05:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 12MAR07 PB PALIWODA

Dear Friends,
In an effort to remain a little more up to date and relevant, I am trying to write smaller but timelier updates. Here are a couple ruminations from today.

AKEEL’S
Some of you might be asking, “Where do our soldiers get their smokes, their movies, and their haircuts?” Well, if you live at Paliwoda, it is at Akeel’s. Akeel is a local merchant who has operated a small store on the FOB for at least a couple of OIF rotations. Since Akeel only deals in cash, only has relatives working the store, and is the only store on the FOB, we all suspect that Akeel owns a small island in the Caribbean where he has proclaimed himself king.

Anyway, Akeel’s is the place where you go to get what you want when you want it. To his credit (and because he does not want WH6 to kick him off the FOB), Akeel only deals in legal items, that is, legal in the Iraqi sense. He will sell you movies that are probably breaking all kinds of copyright laws, that are probably marked up 10 times what they cost to make, and that are more recent than movies you currently released in the States, but they are “Iraqi good.” But are we not trying to win hearts and minds over to the Western interpretation of capitalism? I hope we can all answer with a resounding and patriotic “yes!” Before anyone gets excited about our troops getting shortchanged, Akeel’s prices are pretty much in line with what every other FOB charges. He also donates a lot of stuff. He gave CPL C a year’s supply of chai tea when he found out that C liked it so much. He is having a pizza oven (yes, we are light-fighters) built for the medics gratis, and he can locate and obtain more difficult-(yet legal, CSM)-to-find items for soldiers.

The top items sold at Akeel’s are probably smokes (usually Turkish or Egyptian, which some guys prefer), movies (all kinds in all conditions), energy drinks (the rules are a little different over here as far as drinks go. The favorite, I think called “Red Tiger,” not only has tons of caffeine but also has nicotine in it. So picture a Joe going on patrol, a dip in his mouth, a heater between his finger, and drinking a Red Tiger, and now you know why our guys can stay alert for three days at a time), and electronics (usually third rate brands from Turkey or Korea).

Akeel’s also contains a small café, where you can purchase falafels (my favorite) or hamburgers (do not ask about the meat; you do not want to know), as well as a barber shop. The thrill at the barber shop is that the barber will remove the excess hair on your neck and eyebrow region using twine. Yes, twine. He takes the twine, pulls it taught, and then rolls it along your skin wrapping the hair around the string. Once he has enough hair in the twine, voila, he yanks it away from your face, pulling your hair out by the roots. Most men would scream, especially ones like me who tend to have the “unibrow” look, but since there is usually a room full of combat arms types (infantrymen and tankers) who all know what you are going through and are giving you the “are you a *bleep*?” look, you just grimace through it. I know many women who have interesting tales to tell, especially around swimsuit season, will not give us much sympathy, but I just wish the guy would invest some money in some clippers.

SOLDIERS
I was in Akeel’s to take pictures, since I am trying to do a better job of keeping a visual chronicle of what our guys are doing over here. As I walked toward the artillery position, I saw three Bradley Fighting Vehicles and two humvee’s rolling toward the gate, obviously going on patrol. As a chaplain who does not carry a weapon, I often ask myself what exactly I contribute to the Battalion. This is not a question I ask in order to receive reassurance, nor am I looking for the faith answer (for I know that). It is really an existential question, one having no answer. Because of what I believe, I am in the sowing business anyway, and one never knows how many weeds will grow where wheat was planted or how many bushels will be brought in at harvest time. But being human and in an organization that likes to judge its effectiveness by what it can count and measure, I still ask what I contribute.

As I saw the patrol roll out, for me, the question became unimportant anyway. Some might see five vehicles moving toward a possible engagement with the enemy. Others would see yet another arrogant display of American imperialism and power. And still others would see our guys going out to kick some insurgent *bleep*. I, however, saw a bunch of guys, and young guys at that, who still, after too little sleep and after seeing so much suffering, including their own, and despite all the numerous reasons to despair and fall prey to cynicism and bitterness, get up, ruck up, and do what their country asks of them because they, dare I say it about manly men, love one another.

I am not a touchy-feely type who cries easily--just ask my wife. The only movie that has ever inspired tears for me (much to my wife's chagrin) is Rudy. Thus, it is not sentimentalism shrouded by patriotism with Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to Be an American” playing in the background that pulls at my heart when I see such scenes. Instead, it is observing all that is noble in man displayed in a split-second by a group of soldiers still doing the impossible every day.

In the ancient era (or, "back in the day"), most of our poetry had something to do with war. During my periodic education/indoctrination as a student, war poetry, unless it was old and Greek, was somewhat frowned upon. I have finally realized over here that most good poetry was never intended to glorify the horrors of war. True poetry, true praise of the soldier, is really directed at the human spirit. For in war not only is man’s capacity for evil exposed, but also his potential for transcending the petty and parochial concerns of life to embrace the nature of the Divine: to give one’s life for his friends.

Dust, grinding, a flash from a Kevlar visor, and a gloved wave was all I witnessed for a brief moment, but it was enough, enough for me to dismiss my question and just be thankful that God has placed me amongst true heroes, the soldiers of 3-8.

Honor and Courage

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 013--10 MAR 2007

2007-03-11T09:34:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 10MAR07 LSA ANACONDA

Dear Friends,

I want to apologize ahead of time for the length of this update and for its lateness. I would tell you all the details of why it is late, but it would soon seem like a litany of failure and casualties. We will get to the casualties, and there is a real human cost behind the losses that we or any other unit takes. I also want folks to understand that our soldiers continue to do the right things, exercise restraint, and keep each other safe. I admire their daily acts of courage. As a chaplain, I do not go to the places where they go, staring into the abyss, engaging a rather devious, hypocritical, and ultimately evil enemy that does not care who pays the price for their dogma. It would be easy for our soldiers to get bitter, or to let hate overcome any sense of reason. Reprisal could soon replace deliberate missions if our soldiers reacted in any other way. This is why they amaze me. They have pushed past the threshold of reasonable behavior from the enemy yet have remained honorable in their actions. In between the daily dose of Anna Nicole Smith or the feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell, there are real human beings triumphing over evil and the random acts of violence that seem to breathe over this land. This is their story.

Hypocrisy
We will hear in the news about the great piety of our enemy. We will soon believe that he fights the decadence of the West in order to obtain a more pure form of Islam. In fact, as he recruits in the suburbs of Dearborn, MI; of Bakersfield, CA; of London and of Paris, he will tell easily-influenced and angry young men that the media filth of the West has corrupted their world, leaving the door wide open for their ultimate planned conquest of all things non-Muslim and non-Arabian.

Well, here is a tad bit of reality about their true intentions and motives. Permit me to let you look behind the emerald screen to reveal the true “Oz” of these pious freedom fighters. We have discovered, in our area of operations, Al-Qaeda or Al-Qaeda linked organizations running brothels, liquor stores, and distributing hard-core pornography. We know they fund their operations by selling opium in Afghanistan. Now they will tell you that this is done to sell to the infidel the sinful materials that corrupt, but it is interesting that we keep finding it in their personal possession. These pure men of the faith use their piety to gain control and power. They might sport their robes and long beards as their proof of their allegiance to Allah, but they seem to enjoy sinning as much or more as the next guy. I only mention this because we tend, as Americans, to accept every bit of news presented to us hook, line, and sinker. As I write this, young college-age, Iraqi women are entering into temporary marriages (some as short as a few minutes) in order to gain money for school. Anywhere else in the civilized world this is called prostitution, but here it is called being faithful to one’s religion.

SGT Jeremy Barnett
Two weeks ago we lost another soldier to combat operations. SGT Barnett died when a piece of shrapnel struck his head after an IED exploded under the vehicle next to him. SGT B was very outgoing, and had soon made inroads into the company to which he had just been assigned. He was funny and always eager to serve others.

I was with him the entire time he was at the Combat Field Hospital (CASH). I watched them do surgery on his head to save his life. I know currently there is a great deal of concern being expressed over Walter-Reed and other military medical facilities, but the doctors at the CASH are the finest in the world. They did all they could for this young sergeant. Eventually they had to make a decision to move from treatment to making him comfortable. All the while, I made sure that we respected his religious background, and I prayed constantly for his well-being. The hardest thing for me as a chaplain was to watch his friends and his chain of command come in to see him for the first time after the surgery.

The amazing thing about the CASH is that, while it is swarming with senior NCOs and officers, most of them Air Force, they go out of their way to make sure that the needs of the patient’s friends are met. I watched as a LTC [editor's note: LTC=Lieutenant Colonel=senior-ranking officer] asked a SPC[editor's note: SPC=Specialist=junior-ranking enlisted soldier] if he needed anything. I have not seen such compassion in any hospital I have ever visited. The CASH here at LSAA is the busiest American trauma hospital in the world, yet the medical personnel still take the time to discreetly weep over the patients they cannot save and do the best they can for the patients and their friends at the hospital. In the background, in the midst of all this care, is the never-ending sounds of the helicopter rotor blades, signaling that more casualties are on their way.

War Is Sin
There is no such thing as a good war. War might be justified. War might be necessary to stop a greater evil, but when people resort to killing each other to solve problems we have failed God. If anyone wants to disagree with this bold statement, they can come with me to visit the ICU ward that houses all of the Iraqi children wounded by this conflict. Most of these children have been wounded by the enemy. The enemy believes that if these innocents die in jihad they will go to the top levels of heaven anyway. I wonder if anyone asked their mothers if they had an opinion. I have, unfortunately, been all over the CASH, but the ward that still breaks my heart the most is not filled with soldiers but is instead filled with wounded, sometimes limbless, children who look at you with the faces that ask “why does this happen?” The real shock comes when these children begin to accept their fate with the stoicism of an adult, signaling forever and all too soon the death of a childhood they should have been able to enjoy.

Care of Casualties
Again, there has been much talk of how bad things are going at Walter Reed. I cannot speak to that issue. What I can say is that our soldiers receive the best care that they absolutely can here in the field and at the CASH at LSAA [editor's note: Logistical Support Area Anaconda]. The first people to care for our wounded are their buddies. Nearly everyone has been trained as a combat lifesaver, and we all receive periodic refresher courses on what we need to do in case of trauma. After us, our platoon level medics come next. I know of two instances where our platoon medics saved the lives of our soldiers. And they do this, by the way, while receiving fire from the enemy in very hostile situations. After our medics we have either our aid station or the flight medics themselves who travel on the medevac helicopters. Our aid station has one doctor and one physician’s assistant, plus numerous NCOs and enlisted medics who have worked through multiple deployments. The flight medics are the best in the world, and they can treat a patient while they are moving to the CASH. It usually takes less than fifteen minutes for the medevac helicopters to arrive. The birds land directly at the CASH, where the patients are moved immediately into the ER. The CASH has all the modern conveniences of a trauma hospital in a multi-tent complex. Meanwhile, members from the soldier’s chain of command all the way up to the battalion commander, XO, and sergeants major are usually there to be with the soldiers. In the case of SGT B, I was with him throughout the entire surgery, and either he or his buddies were holding his hand while he was in ICU waiting to fly back to Germany.

Hope
Returning to SGT B, we flew him back to Germany so he could be with his family when they decided to take him off life support. It also gave his family members the opportunity to decide they wanted to donate his organs. Today, because of the generosity of a family and the untimely death of a young soldier, a 51 year-old European man has a new heart. SGT B’s mom, a RN, was able to bathe his body as they prepped it for surgery. His gift of life to another human does not lessen the grief of his family, but it does speak volumes about the character of our soldiers and our “common” people. I think this might be more newsworthy than Britney Spears shaving her head.

Dog Ministry
After one of her team members received a serious injury, I was speaking to one of our grieving soldiers, trying to comfort her. He was sent home after receiving wounds to his legs during one of our operations. I was doing my best to listen, trying to put some sort of theological spin on her grief, when a dog walked by us. The dog, which belongs to the Special Forces detachment and guards their compound, had come over for his daily scratch on the head. The soldier immediately walked by me and walked up to the dog to pet him. I looked over at CPL C and told him that the dog had done more good and more ministry in five minutes than I could have possibly done in an hour. I gave him a pat, too. If you cannot beat them, join them!

CSM Mellinger
As CPL C and I were waiting with SGT B, trying to do the best we could for his friends, a CSM (Command Sergeant Major) started talking to CPL C. A CSM is a pretty big deal. He is the NCO equivalent of at least a BN CDR [editor's note: BN CDR=Battalion Commander]. Because of their seniority, CSMs have been around awhile, and it bodes well for everyone to a.) listen to them, and b.) keep them happy. They are like everyone’s surrogate mom, but the surrogate mom who is more Spartan than Martha Stewart. CSM "Mom" is not happy, for example, when you are late, out of uniform, and your weapon is not clean. I try to avoid an angry CSM due to the high risk for collateral damage.

Anyway, CSM Mellinger is speaking to CPL C, and I am thinking that I have seen him before. The reason I saw him before was that he is the head CSM for all of Iraq: translation—he is GEN Petraus’ counterpart. He happened to be at the CASH checking out the entire process of how soldiers are treated. He went with the casualties to the freedom flight (the flights taking patients to Germany). SGT B’s squad, myself, and CPL C helped carry in SGT B, and I said the prayer for all the patients and the doctors on the flight. Every critical patient has three medical personnel (flight nurse, pain specialist, and doctor) assigned to them during the trip. Once they arrived in Germany, CSM Mellinger changed his orders so he could escort the family to see SGT B. All these things he did not have to do. It meant a great deal to our soldiers because it was genuine and gave us the feeling that someone higher up the chain or command cared about what was going on at the pointy tip of the spear.

Lack of Letters; Adopt-a-Chaplain, Armed Forces Support Coalition, Soldiers Angels
As I type this out I am looking at the organized pile of letters that I need to reply to. I am still trying to find time to write to two little girls who wrote me in December. I want to assure you that CPL C and I are doing the best we can to catalogue and post all that we receive. Since we bounce between three FOBs it is hard to find a block of time to address the admin issues. The other problem is that we have been involved in fairly consistent combat operations for the past two months. Whenever we have soldiers in need of ministry, this takes precedence over the notes back. Please know that our soldiers are receiving the items. We are passing out supplies to the Iraqis, and your donations are making a difference. Another problem we have run into this time is that we are limited to what kind of pictures we can take outside our FOBs. Due to some fairly irresponsible picture taking and posting, the Army has understandably clamped down on personal cameras. I just want you to know that all the letters will get answered (eventually), and that we appreciate your support. The items are not disappearing into the ether.

Chaplain Sculpture
Our mechanics gave me the coolest gift I have ever received in the military. It transcends any medal or award. One of their soldiers has been working on his welding skills, so he started taking scraps of metal, bolts, and nuts and began to make sculptures of infantrymen and mechanics. They usually called them the “disgruntled mechanic” or the “disgruntled infantryman.” They even came complete with a cigarette in their mouths. I remarked how creative they were, and I mentioned that they should make more and try to sell them. They thought it was a good idea but reminded me that the Army would probably frown on them profiteering off its supplies. Well, unbeknownst to me, they made a sculpture of a not-disgruntled chaplain, complete with Kevlar and Bible. I will keep that on my desk wherever I go. When soldiers give you a pat on the back like that, you can go anywhere and do anything for them.

Handkerchief
Before I left, I purchased a digital camouflage bandana with Psalm 91 written on it. I had Heather, her sister, my boys, and my nephew sign it. The bandana is probably the most valuable thing that I carry. Besides helping me pray the psalm before I roll out on a CLiP, it has dried the tears of many grieving soldiers. Literally baptized with blood, sweat, and tears, it has taken on the sacredness of a holy relic. It will be something I will probably carry for the remainder of my life, tucked away somewhere. A thing to remind me of the nobility of the people I have served with over here.

Grief
I will close with these thoughts on grief. One of the most difficult parts of my calling is to watch other soldiers grieve the loss of their friends. It has been especially tough for me to watch our BN CDR and CSM grieve. I remind myself and our soldiers that they grieve for the entire battalion, and all the memories of past losses come back to haunt them during these very difficult times. As WH6 reminded me, they can grieve but cannot break, for as they go so goes the battalion. I have always believed that a mark of heroism is when ordinary people continue to act courageously despite overwhelming odds and the lack of an ensured victory. Despite all that has happened, our leadership continues to believe in our mission and in our soldiers. I find that comforting, because even chaplains have doubts at times. As we grieve our losses, it is my prayer that will not remain unshaped by them, but that God will find a way to use them for good.

Signing Off
God bless you all for keeping us in your prayers and for supporting us. You are never far from our thoughts. Thank you for remaining faithful to us and for not forgetting about the great men and women who serve.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

BARNETT MEMORIAL--2 MAR 2007

2007-03-05T13:04:00.001+08:00

BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY
MEMORIAL MESSAGE
for
SGT JEREMY D. BARNETT
2MAR07

SCRIPTURE

Romans 8:25-28 (NASB)
25 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to
pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;
27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who
love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

INTRODUCTION
SGT Jeremy D. Barnett was a soldier who lived his life “above and beyond the call of duty.” He was always looking for ways to help his fellow soldiers. He had an infectious personality which, within only a few weeks after arriving at Patrol Base O'Ryan, allowed him to develop friendships with the other soldiers. He also saw many opportunities to serve. Because of his character, because duty to him was not just another slogan posted on a wall, SGT Barnett would volunteer to help his comrades during his days off from his official duty.

SGT Barnett’s sense of selflessness did not and does not just stop with him. The day of his injury initiated a chain of events that shows just how special our soldiers and military personnel truly are. Immediately a medic and members of the patrol sprung into action, placing themselves in harm's way to get SGT Barnett to safety. The platoon and company leadership prepped the battlefield so that the medevac could make a clean and easy recovery. The personnel at the CASH first tried all they could to save his life and then compassionately did all they could to minister to our grieving soldiers.

QUESTIONS
Whenever we lose a soldier, a friend, a comrade, many of us begin to ask certain inevitable questions. We begin to wonder, to do the math, and to ask ourselves what his death gained us? This is another way of asking if his life mattered. And if we look deep within our own hearts, we are asking the same questions of ourselves: "Do our lives matter?" While most of us will keep these questions to ourselves, we should nonetheless face our doubts, our grief, and our anger with courage and honesty, for if we do not, then they will turn into cynicism, despair, and hatred.

PERSEVERANCE and COURAGE
When we lose one of our own, it is easy to begin to grow bitter or doubtful about whether we are making a difference, but to travel down this path is to lose hope. And in this theater, in combat, losing hope is something we cannot do. SGT Barnett did not lose hope in his mission because he understood that his mission was to support and aid his fellow soldiers. SGT Barnett did not lose hope in our mission because he did not lose his faith in you, his comrades, his friends.

He kept his hope because he faced the realities of his life with courage and perseverance. Courage was something Jeremy exercised every day. Senator John McCain said this about courage: “Courage is like a muscle. The more we exercise it, the stronger it gets.” We will need this strength in the months ahead. We will need to stretch out our courage on a daily basis. And the day-to-day exercise of courage, of honoring the sacred covenants we as soldiers have made to God and to one another, regardless of the circumstances, outcomes, or sacrifice, this stretching out of courage can be called by another word: perseverance.

ANSWERS
The questions will be there for the rest of our lives as we reflect upon all the good men and women who have been hurt or who have crossed the River Jordan while serving in Iraq. We can turn our equipment into CIF, we can submit our paperwork to PCS or to retire, we can go on to live long and productive lives after our service, but we will never be able to unburden ourselves of the weight of one question--as combat veterans, we will never be able to exchange it or forget about it: "Was our service worth it?" As we struggle with this question, perhaps we need to ask ourselves whether it is the question that we ask that is the problem instead of the answer that we seek.

As soldiers we are witnesses, and as a soldier I constantly see the day-to-day acts of courage that each and every one of you do. While it is easy to become mired in the frustrations of soldiering and of living together as a family, it is also easy to notice how you truly are extraordinary people doing extraordinary things. And the next time we grow weary of the inevitable grind that a deployment brings, then let us remember SGT Jeremy Barnett, a soldier, like most of you, who went beyond the call of duty to serve those and help those around him. He is an example of who we should be, who we can be, who we shall be.

CONCLUSION
Let me close with this true story about courage, about perseverance, about faithfulness.

In 79 AD, when the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius destroyed the city of Pompeii, many people were buried in the ruins. Some took cover underground, and the place became their burial chamber. Those who chose a high hiding place were also unable to escape destruction. But a Roman soldier was found at the city gate, his hands still grasping his weapon. That was where he had been placed by his captain. While the earth shook beneath him, while the flood of ashes and cinders overwhelmed him, he stood at his post; and it was there he was found a thousand years later.

We grieve the loss of our brother, SGT Jeremy D. Barnett. But SGT Barnett’s death was not a tragedy, at least not yet. For we have yet to write the final history of our battalion, our company, and of our own lives. His death will be tragic if we go about our daily activities unchanged, unaffected, and unmoved by his life. Let us dare not forget SGT Jeremy Barnett’s witness. He did all that was asked of him: he faced the enemy with courage, kept his post, remained faithful to his friends, and maintained his honor. He did all of that, and more. He went beyond the call of duty. Hallelujah, Amen.

DISPATCH 012--16 FEB 2007

2007-02-17T12:44:00.000+08:00

Form Your Battalions

The newly elected president, Franklin D. Roosevelt, and his wife decided to visit Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes on the occasion of his ninety-second birthday. The year was 1933, and already the storm clouds of war were appearing on the horizon of Europe. The President asked Mr. Holmes, a veteran of the Civil War, what advice he could give during these trying times. Mr. Holmes replied, “You’re in a war. I have been in a war. There is only one thing to do in war. Form your battalions, and carry the fight to the enemy.”

All of us, whether we are serving in Iraq or serving back at home to support our loved ones, are in a war. But, like with any war, we must be careful to clearly identify who the enemy is, how he will attack, and how we can fight back and conquer him. And as we are discovering over here, finding the enemy is proving to be more difficult than we first expected.

Who and where is the enemy back at home? Is it the friend who encourages you to do things you know would disappoint your spouse? Is it the loneliness coupled with fear that can tear at the fabric of good judgment? Is it the monotony of tasks, the repetitiveness of life that can easily plant seeds of doubt about commitment, purpose, and faithfulness?

Who is the enemy here in Iraq? There is a very real and determined enemy that is attacking and wants to kill us, but we face other enemies as well. Some are the same you face. We can become so focused on coping with what we have seen and done that we forget to nurture the ties between husband and wife, father and children.

The rabbis of Israel believed that the greatest sin they could commit would be to forget…to forget Who loved them and to Whom they belonged. In the busy-ness of life, in the fog of war, it would be easy to begin to forget the ones whom we really treasure.

But we have not forgotten. Every time I visit with a soldier and he begins to talk about his family, his eyes light up, and, through the muck and the grease that is ever-present on every face, a spark of hope burns for a future reunion. Every time I enter a Containerized Housing Unit (CHU) or other living space, crowded pictures of family, artwork from children, and other artifacts from home adorn the already cramped quarters.

The challenge for you and for us is that we live under the tyranny of the immediate, meaning we tend to react to where the pain and stress are now. As soldiers, we have become brothers. Whether it is 12 hours in a guard tower, 14 hours in the back of a Bradley, six days in a Humvee, or five terrifying minutes at the aid station, we have grown closer than blood relatives. The only word that I can begin to describe what I have witnessed is sacrament. Sacrament is the word the Church uses to describe the communication of God’s love to us. It also means sacred mystery. A sacramental relationship is one that, while being completely voluntary, is nonetheless stronger than genetic ties. We enter into a sacramental relationship with God when we are baptized. When we looked into your eyes on the day of our marriage, we entered into another sacramental relationship. We voluntarily chose you and you, us. And because of this deployment, because of the stresses and horrors of war, we have entered into another sacramental relationship, and this one is between us soldiers. In many ways, it can be just as powerful as baptism and marriage. For without each other, we could not make it through even one day—-mentally, physically, or spiritually.

The tyranny of the immediate calls us to focus almost all of our energy on the tasks at hand. It does not mean we love you any less. It means we do not and cannot let each other down. However, it is my most fervent prayer, and one I undoubtedly share with my fellow soldiers, that none of you reading this will be at my or any other soldier’s funeral. Why? Because, instead, we will have lived long, healthy, and productive, post-Army lives. The people who should and do matter to us today are the folks who will be at that funeral many years from now: our wives, our children, our siblings, our grandchildren, and our friends. Just because we might seem distracted by the present does not mean we do not see our future with you.

And we must remember that you are fighting your own battles at home. Bills that need to be paid, grass that needs cut, bottoms that need wiped, childcare that needs to be arranged, friends that need to be looked after, and maybe, just maybe, a little time for yourself: all these things also comprise your tyranny of the immediate. We need to remember that you still see our future with us.

Being a soldier or being married to one is not an easy task. It will define the lives of all of us. The question that only we as individuals and as couples can answer is "how?" Will our experience deepen our love and trust for one another, or will it expose the fractures that have always been there? My daily prayers always come back to the safety of our soldiers, the safety of their families, and the health and endurance of our relationships.

On Memorial Day, May 30th, 1884, Justice Holmes delivered a speech honoring the soldiers who had served and who had fallen. Two famous quotes came from his words:

“In our youths, our hearts were touched with fire.”

“We have shared the incommunicable experience of war. We felt, we still feel, the passion of life to its top.”

To these words I will add the words of the Apostle Paul:

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Romans 12:21

Let us not let the doubts, the perceptions, and these tumultuous times shatter the sacramental relationships we have forged in our homes and in our lives. Let us remember the meaning of the word sacrament, that it is a way for God to communicate His love to us. As a mother holds the hand of a child going in for surgery, so does a soldier hold the hand of his brother as the sounds of beating rotors appear on the horizon. These relationships do not compete with one another; they bless and strengthen one another.

Every day when the light fades and I try to sleep, I am overwhelmed by the images I see of your loved ones. Every day it is easy for me to begin to lose my grasp on my Christian faith and instead seek vengeance and reprisal upon those who hurt our men. But every day as my eyes close I see your husbands, your sons, boys almost half my age, overcoming evil with good, and not letting the darkness of this war blot out their light and the goodness of their souls.

Another name for faith is fire, holy fire. Because of the faithfulness of your loved one and your family, my life, my heart, even in the midst of despair, was and is touched by the fire of faith, hope, and love.

Gratia et Veritas,
Chaplain Kevin Wainwright

SERMON OUTLINE 012--2 FEB 07

2007-02-11T21:37:00.000+08:00

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SURROUNDED

Epiphany 5
FOB PALIWODA
4FEB07

Scripture
Luke 5:1-11

Background
Luke
-was a doctor
-was a Gentile
-close friend and companion of Paul
-written for Gentiles
-stresses Jesus’ divinity

Timeline
4:1-13 Satan tempts Jesus in the wilderness
4:14-15 Begins ministry with the Gentiles in Galilee, headquartered in Capernaum
4:16-30 Visits, teaches, and is rejected at Nazareth
4:31-37 Returns to Capernaum, teaches, casts out first demon
4:38-41 Heals Simon-Peter’s mother-in-law, casts out many demons
4:42-44 Goes to desert, crowds follow, says He must go to other cities, preaches in the synagogues of Galilee
5:1 People are hungering for the Word of God.
5:2 People are pressing upon Him, He is looking for a way to get apart from the crowd.
5:3 Takes Simon’s boat (with Simon in it), and teaches the crowds from the water. He is tired, sits down.
5:4 Stops teaching, tells Simon essentially to fish from exact location.
5:5 Simon whines but does it anyway.
5:6 Catch so many fish that they worry about their net breaking.
5:7 They come with the other boat, but they have so many fish (in the boat) that they worry about it sinking.
5:8 Simon Peter confesses to Christ that he is a sinful man.
5:9 All are astonished by what they see
5:10 James and John (Zebedee) were (probably) in the other boat. Jesus tells Simon that he will now fish for men.
5:11 They forsake all to follow Christ.
5:12-16 Jesus heals a man with leprosy.
5:17-26 Jesus heals paralytic (dropped from ceiling), Pharisees begin to question and persecute.

I. Introduction

A. Luke

1. was a doctor
2. was a Gentile
3. close friend and companion of Paul
4. written for Gentiles
5. stresses Jesus’ divinity
6. was this really a test of Simon

B. 5:1 PEOPLE ARE HUNGERING FOR THE WORD OF GOD.

1. People are hungering for the Word of God. Was there a lack of teachers in the land? Was it not visible? War had torn apart the land and the people.

2. Time for fishing was ripe. But was Jesus there to only teach the Gospel or to fulfill the gospel?

C. 5:2 PEOPLE ARE PRESSING UPON HIM, HE IS LOOKING FOR A WAY TO GET APART FROM THE CROWD.

1. Where was Jesus’ PSD?

2. The other boat belongs to the brothers James and John Zebedee.

D. 5:3 TAKES SIMON’S BOAT (WITH SIMON IN IT), AND TEACHES THE CROWDS FROM THE WATER. HE IS TIRED, SITS DOWN.

1. Incidental, seemingly meaningless facts are always a part of true stories. Jesus is probably tired (and we will soon find out hungry), and he wants to at least sit while He teaches. It also means that He is going to teach for awhile.

2. Teaching does not just involve preaching. There were questions and answers. There was audience participation.

E. 5:4 STOPS TEACHING, TELLS SIMON ESSENTIALLY TO FISH FROM EXACT LOCATION.

1. The fisherman of Gennesaret knew where all the best places to fish were (the Sea of Galilee was not that big).

2. Was this a test for Simon? Simon, do you trust me? He is telling Simon about his job.

F. 5:5 SIMON WHINES BUT DOES IT ANYWAY.

1. Simon whines but does it anyway. Simon whines because he is, on some level, insulted by what Jesus, a non-fisherman, tells him, a master-fisherman. Can we just see the testosterone flowing? Simon’s only encounter to date with Christ is the healing of his mother-in-law and some other folks at his house. When we are told to do something we think foolish, do or have we ever given a whining statement before we go make it happen.

2. Illustration: we have had some friction between folks. What causes the friction? It is the same thing that causes Simon to answer the way he does: pride. We know better; we know it all. If you think this does not happen, what about mid-tour complacency. The Army can be the least learning institution in the world because it is run by people (like you and me) who think they know it all.

G. 5:6 CATCH SO MANY FISH THAT THEY WORRY ABOUT THEIR NET BREAKING.

H. 5:7 THEY COME WITH THE OTHER BOAT, BUT THEY HAVE SO MANY FISH (IN THE BOAT) THAT THEY WORRY ABOUT IT SINKING.

I. 5:8 SIMON PETER CONFESSES TO CHRIST THAT HE IS A SINFUL MAN.

1. Simon is finally called Simon Peter: why is that? It is because he begins to act like the rock upon which the Church will be built.

2. Peter in Greek is Petra, meaning stone.

J. 5:9 ALL ARE ASTONISHED BY WHAT THEY SEE.

K. 5:10 JAMES AND JOHN (ZEBEDEE) WERE (PROBABLY) IN THE OTHER BOAT. JESUS TELLS SIMON THAT HE WILL NOW FISH FOR MEN.

1. Tells Simon to not be afraid. You have a new job now.

L. 5:11 THEY FORSAKE ALL TO FOLLOW CHRIST.

1. By walking away from the boat they made a fairly significant commitment to Christ. They did not worry about how they were going to earn their living or pay their bills; they just followed. And while their status as fishermen was not high, it was nonetheless secure, yet they still walked away.

II. Lessons

A. WE MUST HAVE THE RIGHT HEART BEFORE WE CAN “FISH FOR MEN,” MEANING PERFORM MINISTRY.

1. Before Peter begins his ministry, he must know his place. In verse 8 he confesses who he is. In essence Simon is the proud man, the pre-saved, pre-baptized, pre-christian man. Peter is the renewed man, the faithful man, the miracle man, because Peter is the humble man. Christ does not choose him because of intellect, position, power, or influence. He chooses him because of his heart.

2. We can see example of this pride versus arrogance in the military. We all like to think that we are special, and this is a good thing if it is used to build coherence, satisfaction, cooperation, and a sense of team. In fact, nothing is better to experience than to be a part of a military unit that believes in its mission, its capabilities, its leadership, and itself. However, this sense of uniqueness can soon deteriorate into arrogance. We are not only special but we are better than you are.

3. Story: there was a soldier going through OCS with a old friend of mine who had a blank uniform but had about every badge and tab we can think of when he showed up for graduation in his class As. I met a priest and chaplain who sounded like Mr. Rogers but had every badge, tab, and experience you could think of because he was a 20-year career warrant officer with Special Forces.

4. We want to follow the humble but we reject the arrogant. We want to learn from the wise but we mock the condescending. Peter’s heart had to be in the right place before he could even begin to fish for men.

B. THE FOCUS IS NOT ON US, IT IS ON THE MESSAGE.

1. The key to catching people for Christ is to let Him do the fishing and to follow Him to the right fishing holes.
2. Graeme Keith, treasurer of the Billy Graham Association and Billy's lifelong friend, says:

I was on an elevator with Billy when another man in the elevator recognized him. He said, "You're Billy Graham, aren't you?"
"Yes," Billy said.
"Well," the man said, "you are truly a great man."
Billy immediately responded, "No, I'm not a great man. I just have a great message."."[1]

C. JESUS IS THE MESSAGE.

1. “Jesus does not give recipes that show the way to God as other teachers of religion do. He is himself the way.” --Karl Barth

III. Conclusion: PEOPLE FISHING MEANS SAILING IN DEEP AND DANGEROUS (NOT SHALLOW AND SAFE) WATERS

A. “Though Jesus tells us, ‘Don’t be afraid’ when he promises to teach us to fish like him, it’s scary.” --William Willemon

B. Instead of thinking woe is us, maybe we need to be thanking God for the opportunities we have here. Instead of worrying about ourselves, maybe God is opening up places for us to fish in the hearts around us. Have we ever thought that as Christians we are supposed to be living in and through tough times?

C. Illustration

The highly regarded HBO miniseries Band of Brothers follows a company of U.S. paratroopers through the preparation and experience of invading Europe on D-Day. Based on real life interviews of survivors, the series captures both the intensity of war and the heroism of the troops.

The collage shows Winters charging with his troops into battle, then proudly saluting an officer he's just promoted, and then commenting to a fellow soldier, "I don't like to retreat."

The quick moving scenes of the collage close with Winters leading his troops into their most celebrated feat of the war, holding the Germans in the Battle of the Bulge. A soldier leaving the front line pulls Winters aside and says ominously, "Looks like you guys are going to be surrounded."

Without hesitation Winters replies, "We're paratroopers, Lieutenant. We're supposed to be surrounded."[2]

[1] Harold Myra and Marshall Shelley, The Leadership Secrets of Billy Graham (Zondervan, 2005).
[2] Band of Brothers (Warner Bros. Home Video, 2001), Disc 6, "Who's Who: The Men of Easy Company: Richard Winters"; based on the book by Stephen Ambrose, directed by Tom Hanks and David Frankel; submitted by Bill White, Paramount, California.

DIGIJOURNAL 012--3 FEB 2007

2007-02-11T21:34:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 03FEB07 PB PALIWODA

A letter to my son on his birthday

My Beloved Son,

As you can see by the date [30JAN], it is one day before your birthday. I am going to do my very best to call you. One of the most difficult things about being away is that I am missing all of these important days. It has made your father very crabby. One idea I have is that we will have to celebrate your birthday when I get back. We will have to get a cake, go to Putt-Putt, and have olive pizza.

I miss you very much and wish I could be there with you. My prayer is that you will not look back at these absences with bitterness at me or at the Army. While we always focus on the soldier, the family of the soldier is also making a sacrifice of service to the country.

I love you because you are my son, the little boy who brought more joy than I could have ever imagined into my life, the young man whose happy and gentle manner reminds me more of his mother, my love and my treasure, with each passing day.

I honor and respect you for the sacrifice you make as the son of a soldier, for the prayers you say for me and all our soldiers, for the tears you cry because you miss me, for doing the best that you can, despite the bad days, when I am not there.

I am proud of you and I love you, and I thank God for bringing you to me.

Daddy

SERMON OUTLINE 011--28 JAN 2007

2007-01-29T06:51:00.001+08:00

KNOWLEDGE and UNDERSTANDING

Epiphany 4
FOB Paliwoda
28JAN07

Scripture
1 Corinthians 13

Timeline
1:10-4:21 Unity of the Church
5:1-6:8 Immorality of certain church members and disputes among fellow Christians
6:9-20 Paul denounces sexual sin
7:1-40 Addressing the issues and problems of marriage
8:1-11:2 Be sensitive to other believers
11:3-14:39 Worship and spiritual gifts
11:17-26 Unifying power of the Lord’s Supper
11:27-34 We must prepare ourselves to receive the body and blood of Christ
12:1-11 The Spirit unites through its gifts…it does not divide
12:12-31 Many members, one body.
13:1 Eloquent but not compassionate
13:2 Prophetic but not wise
13:3 Generous but not genuine
13:4-7 Paul’s definition of love:

Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is humble
Love is considerate
Love is not paranoid
Love seeks truth
Love seeks goodness
Love is hopeful
Love is faithful

13:8 Prophecies, tongues, and knowledge will pass away, but love will remain
13:10 Only the perfect will remain
13:11 It is time to grow up
13:12 We will finally see ourselves as Christ sees us
13:13 Summary: Love is greater than faith and hope
14:1-5 Prophecy is more important than speaking in tongues
14:6-19 Tongues must be interpreted
14:20-25 Tongues are a sign to unbelievers

I. Introduction

A. Illustration: preparing for our upcoming mission. I was war-gaming with the staff. But as we continued along I discovered that while I knew of the terms I could not fully understand or comprehend what we could or would do.

B. The church in Corinth was beginning to grow focused on the words than on the content of the Gospel. They were more concerned with what you knew than who you are. Illustration: finding someone to help me at PSB. We tend to make the mistake of equating intelligence with rank.

C. We need to reclaim love. Love has been so overused that we no longer know what the word means. This is exactly what Paul is doing in this chapter. He educates the church that there is a difference between knowledge (γινώσκω) and understanding (ἐπιγινώσκω).

D. Illustration: overuse in the incorrect context. We use this as a wedding Scripture without understanding what it is calling us to do. We can only know God and one another when we fully comprehend the sacrifices it takes to sustain a marriage.

II. Idolatry-Ministry Without Love (1 Corinthians 13:1-3)

A. Unfortunately, this is what love is like for too many Christians. It is about the pomp and circumstance of faith, not the day to day discipline of maintaining your witness.

B. Oftentimes we compete for attention, or we direct our love towards an idol.

C. Definition of an idol is something that is unchanging and static. We can even make God an idol if we worship the wrong version of Him. We worship idols because we can control them.

D. Kathleen Norris' Amazing Grace: An Alphabet of Faith (p. 88-90): “Idolatry makes love impossible. It is much safer to love an idol than a real person who is capable of surprising you, loving you and demanding love in return, and maybe one day leaving you.”

E. Lack of love in the battalion. Illustration: lack of courtesy, or love, in the battalion

III. What Is Christian Love (ἀγαπάω)? (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)

A. What it is not

1. Unconditional acceptance

2. Unconditional tolerance

3. Unlimited bitterness

4. Arbitrary emotions

B. How can we love like this? It must be learned. We are learning to do that over here. Illustration: The CNN reporter embedded with the 1st Marine Battalion

IV. Love Lasts (1 Corinthians 13:8-13)

A. v12: perhaps one of the most undervalued verses in Scripture. We will finally see ourselves as Christ, as God sees us.

B. Few have been given genuine examples of Christian love. Illustration: for the first time in the history of the census, more women are single than are married.

C. We see living together as an acceptable alternative to marriage.

D. Some only see disappointment in love.

V. Conclusion (John 21:15-19)

A. We can only discover the true meaning of the Gospel by living it out in a community.

B. This is the secret of evangelism. It is not in great arguments, or shows of emotion, or even demonstrations of miracles…it is in how we love each other, both in and out of the Church.

C. This type of love is difficult; it should be. Illustration: Stanley Hauerwas stating that we should marry someone we do not know.

D. Faith and hope find their origins in love. Because we love God, we can love our neighbor and ourselves. Because we love God, we can have faith and hope.

Instrument of Peace

Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
--St. Francis of Assisi

DIGIJOURNAL 011--28 JAN 2007

2007-01-29T06:49:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 28JAN07 PB PALIWODA

Dear Friends,

One of the cardinal rules of running a website is that you have to keep it updated. I have violated that rule, but it has not been without reason. Earlier this month we lost one of our soldiers, CPL R. CPL R was a 21 year-old son of missionaries and was the soldier that everyone liked, despite differences in rank, station, and background. It has been devastating for his company and for the battalion. I have been amazed at how the company has come together in support of one another. They were out conducting missions within an hour of his death. I ask that you keep his family, his company, and the battalion in your prayers.

I will try to get everyone caught up on what has been going on in Warhorse-land.

Thought for the Day
Scripture: “Now the purpose of the commandment is love from a pure heart, from a good conscience, and from sincere faith.” 1 Timothy 1:5
Quotation: “In war, it is extraordinary how it all comes down to the character of one man.” General Creighton Abrams

Mouse Jihad
I think we have successfully eradicated the mouse insurgents. Despite our numerous traps, loaded with the enticing bait of peanut butter and placed in strategic locations, we have yet to get a hit in over a month. I think CPL C waged a fairly successful psyop (psychological warfare operations) campaign against the mice. I will not get into it, but he even scared me with his determination. We will continue to keep you and the scoreboard updated. I know you are hanging on every tidbit of news.

Gloom Period
We have entered into the gloom period of the deployment. While we have completed over four months of the deployment, we still have over a half of the deployment to go.

When I was at West Point, the gloom period was used to describe the time between Christmas and Spring Break. The pristine white snow in Central Area became gray slush and eventually turned into a gray iceberg due to all the shoveling. You knew you had a long haul until spring, battling the foes of academics and the indoor obstacle course test (IOCT).

Well, we are experiencing the same type emotions here. We have had fairly regular rainfall, which turns the Iraqi dust into a gloopy mess of mud that gets on and covers everything. Lakes have formed within the various FOBs, and I have mentioned to the Special Forces Team that they should rent out jet skis due to the unusually large lake in front of their villa.

We have also grown weary of each other, especially the quirks and idiosyncrasies that we have tried to overlook but can no longer stand. This is the time to separate the spiritual men from the boys. I have continued to proclaim that we must have patience and forbearance during these times, because we are family whether we like each other or not. For the most part, we peacefully settle our disagreements, but I bet we soon will need a boxing ring for some roommates to handle their “issues.”

Thank You to Our Families
While we are having our trials and tribulations in Iraq, our wives and families are experiencing their own gloom period. At first, there is the initial anxiety (that never goes away) over the deployment. Usually the wives and moms initially have more than enough to do with the adjustment to being a single mom and geographical bachelor-ette. Over time, they grow weary of the daily grind, which tends to happen when you are working in or outside of the home, dealing with bills, playing referee to sibling rivalries, and cleaning up vomit and other excreta that children inevitably produce. So it is understandable that it sometimes gets old when friends and family ask about the husband or father who is downrange without checking in on who is keeping the homefires burning. While it is nice for folks to remind you that your husband is a hero, it would be even better if YOUR hero, when he is not deployed, could pick up his nasty PT gear from the bedroom floor and put it in the laundry basket once in awhile.

Well your faithfulness does not go unnoticed, and I cannot thank the wives enough for keeping their husbands and themselves between the rails so that they can focus on the things here, like keeping their chaplain alive. You remain in my prayers, and we could not do what we do if you did not do what you do.

Finding God on the Battlefield
One of these days (or years), I want to write a book describing all the interesting places that I have seen God at work on the battlefield. Some would think that God is conspicuously absent from combat, but the opposite is true. Since death is an ever-present reality (seminary professors would call this the concept of finitude), God tends to show up quite a bit. I have learned that I make a big mistake when I try to limit where and through whom God works. I have seen God work through the godless, which tends to make me think that there is no such thing as those without some knowledge or experience of the sacred (how Presbyterian of me, and if you do not know what I mean by this, do not worry, for half the Presbyterians do not either [see the Reformed understanding of Providence]). I am truly awed and amazed by what our soldiers do on a daily basis. In the next section I will share with you a personal story about the Spirit at work.

Kathleen Norris, IEDs, and There Is No Such Thing As Luck or Coincidences
About a week after the Memorial Ceremony for CPL R, CPL C (Paul C., my chaplain assistant) and I made our weekly trek down to LSA Anaconda and Patrol Base O’Ryan. The night before, when I was still trying to deny how much CPL R’s crossing into the Promised Land had affected me, I had been going through our library (made possible with your donations) when I came across an old favorite of mine: Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris. Ms. Norris is a poet who returned to the church after decades of wandering in the secular desert. Her book is one of the best compilations of all the important words in the Christian faith and what they mean. So I grabbed the book and decided to reread it.

As CPL C and I were waiting to leave our FOB, I came to her definition of detachment. The way she goes about defining the words is by writing an essay on each one. She talked about detachment as not being without feeling but being free from anxiety since God is in control of our lives and the world. For some reason I found comfort reading this as I sat, folded and very uncomfortable, in the back of the Humvee.

Soon we were rolling, and I placed the book in my cargo pocket and took up looking through the window in order to observe my sector. At about the time I was thinking about how many pastors visit their congregants clothed in Kevlar and traveling in an armored mini-tank, the enemy reminded us why we have the stuff in the first place. An IED (improvised explosive device) detonated 40 meters in front of our vehicle and ten meters behind the one in front of us. Most folks imagine a Hollywood type of pyrotechnical extravaganza when these bombs go off, and sometimes this happens, but not usually and not this time. We responded according to our training, and I looked at Paul with blame in my eye for his bad luck (it was our second time viewing a detonation right in front of us).

Now I could go with the facile explanation that God was looking over us, which I have no doubt He was, but I also think we were blessed with incompetent insurgents. I tend to shy away from the “God protected me because I am important” explanation because I know many soldiers who are better than me that have been hurt or killed by the terrorists. Instead, my detachment comes from the fact that I might have begun to understand that I really do not control very much when it comes to my life. God is in control, not me. While this thought used to bother me when I was 24, it does not seem so bad at 37. It is rather nice to know that I am not responsible for everything, and worrying about future consequences from battles I may never fight does not make me a more effective husband, father, friend, soldier, or chaplain.

Fortunately, no one was hurt, and we continued on our way. The difference this time is that I was more at peace with whatever the future holds instead of worried about it. And I had begun to make peace with the loss of a soldier and the pain of his friends and family. Faith is not a life accessory; it is life itself.

And all this because I tarried (goofed off) at the library made possible by you.

Tracking Boxes
I am trying to do the best I can to keep you posted on what we have received. I think the list is fairly up to date. I must thank my wife for keeping the list and the website going. I am slow, but I usually get to it. The mail has been fairly reliable, so I think most of what you sent has arrived. If you have any questions, please email me.

Closing
Well, it is already late and I must get ready for tomorrow’s missions. I thank you for your continued prayers for our soldiers. They truly are great people. I give thanks every night before I go to bed for what God has done to me through them. I also thank you for your faithfulness and interest in what is really going on over here.

Grace and Truth,
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 011--29 JAN 2007

2007-01-29T06:48:00.000+08:00

“Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.”
Psalm 31:29

As I have been visiting our soldiers at the different FOBs, it is apparent to me that we are in what some call “the gloom period.” The gloom period is the point in the deployment where, even though we have completed almost four months of it, we realize that more than half of our time remains. It is easy to get depressed, irritable, and frustrated. Unfortunately, instead of each of us finding some way to cope from within ourselves, we at times take it on those around us. The gloom period is a natural and normal phase of a deployment, but can we do something in order to cope?

Before the birth of our first child, one of the things my wife made me promise not to tell her during his delivery was to “suck it up.” I did not (but almost did) tell her that then, and I will not tell it to you now. Instead I suggest that we must start with being aware of what is really causing our problems. Most if not all of us have suffered from misplaced frustration. Since we cannot voice our anger at the source (boss, spouse, co-workers, family members, etc.), we often take it out on those with whom we feel more comfortable. We can behave this way at home, in Iraq, or in both places via the phone and internet. The real issue is that by month four, the newness of the deployment is gone and the complications from it have piled up. The deployment itself is at the heart of the problem, but it is hard to take out our frustrations on an idea rather than a person.

My heart goes out especially to the wives and families back at home, because, during this or any deployment, I believe you have a greater challenge. We stay pretty busy here, and it is easy to watch the day pass when it is filled with mission responsibilities. You, however, while being just as busy, also have to get through the day not knowing exactly what is happening over here. While we might be residing safely inside our FOBs at the moment you think of us, you do know for sure. I think the other problem with having a deployed spouse is that people you meet or talk to immediately begin to ask how your soldier is doing and tend to overlook you. While you appreciate their concern, it has to be difficult to constantly answer how your husband or wife is doing while not having people ask how you are doing. I can picture the thought in your overhead cartoon bubble (my term for what we think but do not say) when someone tells you that your husband is a hero, “Well my hero, when he is home, cannot seem to complete the burdensome task of picking up his dirty socks off the floor and putting them in the laundry basket.” The final hurdle you must face is that those with children never really get a break from being Mommy (or Daddy). Even the busiest soldiers get a little time to themselves, but the Moms and Dads on the home-front are never off the "Mommy-clock."

I chose the Scripture for this dispatch because you are doing well and deserve as much or more honor than we do. I believe that you have made the greater sacrifice. And even in this gloom period of the deployment, you continue to do the things at home that keep us focused on our missions here and their safe conduct. Your efforts have not and do not go unnoticed by your spouses or by God.

One of my prayers for all the family members back home is that in times of great anxiety and frustration that you will discover a sense of God’s grace. You are not going through this alone, and you are not without help. Just as I am often surprised by how and where God is working over here, I know that you will find Him working in and through some of the most difficult situations back at home.

It is during times like these that we develop our wisdom. We can only gain wisdom by patiently enduring during times of trial. We earn it when we are faithful to the promises we have made to God, to each other, and to ourselves. I try to remind our soldiers (in a non-preachy way) that, with the limited amount of time we have in this life, we cannot think of our time in Iraq as a waste. God, through His grace, can use this time to prepare us for the future: preparing us not for our sake, but for others.

I feel blessed by the daily acts of grace I see our soldiers do. God has also blessed me through this deployment by getting to know some of the families that support the great men and women of the Warhorse Battalion. Because of your faithfulness, patience, hope, and fortitude, this time in Iraq has not and will not be a waste. You truly "excel them all."

Gratia et Veritas,
Chaplain Kevin Wainwright

SERMON OUTLINE 010--21 JAN 2007

2007-01-22T14:22:00.000+08:00

POOR RECONNAISSANCE

Epiphany 3
FOB Paliwoda
21JAN07

Scripture
Luke 4:14-30

Timeline
3:21-22 John baptizes Jesus
3:23-38 Genealogy through Joseph
4:1-13 Temptation in the wilderness
4:14-15 Jesus returns to Galilee
4:16-30 Jesus returns to Nazareth, is rejected
4:31-37 Jesus goes to Galilee, begins ministry

I. Introduction

A. Luke was written by a Gentile for a Gentile audience.

B. Remember, there was a great deal of persecution of the early Christians by some Jews.

II. Exposition

A. verses 14-15

1. Galilee was known to both the Jews and the Gentiles. It was generally understood that the Gentiles lived on the Eastern shore while the Jews in the West. Additionally, there was a great deal of syncretic beliefs, the combining of religions. They were viewed by other Jews as almost non-observant Jews.

His ministry bore fruit. Many glorified Him. So Jesus was building a reputation as a successful preacher.

B. verse 16

1. Nazareth was a hill town approximately 20 miles from Capernaum in Galilee. It was Jesus’ hometown.

2. “as was His custom” tells us that Jesus was a faithful churchgoer. He was basically attending His family church.

3. “He stood up to read,” It was a regular custom to have a visiting rabbi read and interpret from the Scriptures. The people must have been very proud knowing that one of their own had taken up the cloth. They must have felt very good about themselves.

C. verses 17-19

1. When we hear “opened the book” we need to mentally replace it with unrolling the scroll. Jesus sat behind the pulpit in his hometown church and began to read from Isaiah.

2. Some call Isaiah the fifth Gospel. Christ quotes from this prophet more than any other book in the Old Testament save the Psalms.

3. Isaiah 60 and 61 are Messianic in origin. They proclaim the coming of the Jubilee for the Lord’s people. But they also mention light coming to the Gentiles.

D. verses 20-22

1. The people were amazed and impressed by Jesus, they were proud of who He was and where He came from.

2. “Is this not Joseph’s son?” tells us that Christ learned His faith from Joseph.

3. I would have liked to have met Joseph.

E. verse 23

1. Jesus knows what the people are thinking. They are expecting a miracle from Him. They are expecting Him to do in Nazareth what He did in Capernaum.

2. Jesus was already responding to the silent criticisms he knew were in their hearts. He could not be a real prophet because He preached to the gentiles.

F. verses 4-27

1. After a pregnant pause He predicts their dissatisfaction with His upcoming message.

2. Jesus knows that His message is not going to go over well.

3. He uses two examples to show how God comes for the Gentiles and sometimes prefers to work for them.

G. verses 28-30

1. The people were enraged. Not only did He not do any miracles amongst them, He had the gall to tell them why. They were not deserving of such miracles.

2. The people were so upset that a riot ensued. They were so angry that they forgot to murder Him.

III. Conclusion

A. The Pharisees were not bad people. They were the people that Jesus, John the Baptist, and Paul the Apostle came from. They started off with the right motives but became twisted in the execution of their plan.

B. Why was Jesus frustrated with the people of Nazareth? We might be inclined to think that it was because the people doubted Him, but I would like to posit this possibility. He was frustrated because they were so focused on the practice of their religion; they were so focused on maintaining purity in the midst of this foreign occupation, that they forgot to care for the people around them.

C. They were so busy observing the Law that they forgot to live it.

D. There can sometimes be a bunker mentality amongst Christians today. We must wall ourselves off from the world to maintain our purity.

E. Have we become too familiar with the Gospel, with our own image of Christ?

F. “The problem with Jesus is not between the new and the old, between the known and the unknown, but between the people of God and their own memory. Between the known and the known.” –William Willemon

G. Sometimes we need to see the Church, see ourselves through the perspective of an outsider. When we do this, we can begin to see where we are falling short in our witness. Illustration: we can only see America when we are separated from it. We begin to value our families once we are away.

H. Have we as a Church forgotten about the people around us? Have been become so focused on our personal relationship with Christ that we have forgotten who is in need?

I. Is this story believable? Would anyone’s words finally cause a riot? Illustration: the balcony at St. Mary’s Presbyterian Church in St. Mary’s Georgia.

The Year of Jubilee is here. Have we been living for ourselves or for Christ? If it is for Christ, then we should be living to love and serve others.

RADERSTROF MEMORIAL--10 JAN 2007

2007-01-14T14:19:00.000+08:00

HE WAS THAT SOLDIER
MEMORIAL MESSAGE
for
CPL STEPHEN JAMES RADERSTORF
10JAN07

Corporal Stephen J. Raderstorf, or “Rader” to his friends, represented all that is honorable, all that is professional, all that is sacred about soldiering. He was a soldier whose enthusiastic personality and caring heart transcended rank, age, and status. He was a soldier who was a friend to all and an enemy to none.

We heard from the Psalmist that God fashions every heart individually, meaning everyone is unique and has within themselves the capacity for greatness. All soldiers are special people, but every company has that one guy who stands out in the crowd. The guy who can make you laugh even when you feel down. The guy who is willing to protect you from your own worst impulses. The guy who can be both a warrior and a peacemaker, a man of faith but not of condemnation, a leader who knew when to be serious and a friend who knew when to be carefree. Every company has that kind of soldier…and CPL Raderstorf was that soldier for Alpha Company.

Today we could focus on what has been taken away. We could think about those dreams of home, of finally owning that Pontiac Solstice that he always talked about, and of a future in law enforcement…the dreams that have been tragically taken away by the death of this young man. But I have two questions to ask after hearing how this man affected so many people around him. How would Rader have wanted to have been remembered? What would be the legacy, the gift that he could give through his life?

Some if not all of us have been asking other questions concerning his death: legitimate questions, hard questions. Why did he have to die? What did his death gain? And make no mistake that how we answer these questions will affect the trajectories our lives, the paths that each and every one of us takes as we go forward after today. I will not be so arrogant as to even begin to give an answer, for I still feel now as I did when you came in on Sunday night, and that is that no human words can even begin to address the pain you have and are experiencing.

But how would Rader have answered these questions? Why was he here with you? Well, from the stories that you have shared…his actions at a Dallas IHOP, his humorous attitude during trips to the lake or while shooting pool, or just his every day display of goofiness around his friends…Rader was here for one reason. That reason was summed up in the words of one of his best friends who said this about Rader, “He was exceptionally good at taking care of other people.” CPL Stephen J. Raderstorf was here in Iraq because…of…you, because…of…us. Rader served because he wanted to serve you, his comrades, his leaders, and his friends. And what he gained was your love, your respect, and your friendship.

The last thing Rader would have needed or wanted would be to have a chaplain try to preach him into heaven. You of all people know where he is. We go to the grave of a friend, saying, “A man is dead.” But angels throng about him saying, “A man is born.”[1] But before we close, let us ponder the question of his legacy once again.

What would be the final gift that CPL Raderstorf would have wanted to give Alpha Company? Would he have wanted our legitimate sense of grieving to be slowly replaced by desires for revenge? You, his company-mates, his leaders, his friends, know in your hearts that a future consumed with bitterness and regret is not the legacy that Rader would have wanted, that any of us would want. The words, your words, that you used to describe him were words like courage, selflessness, faithfulness, and compassion.

I will humbly ask that you permit me to suggest one more virtue to add to CPL Raderstorf’s list. We find this in the last verse of Psalm 33, “Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us, Just as we hope in You.” Rader did not put his hope in horses, or in weapons, or in men. His hope, and his strength, rested in God. And because of this, Rader’s most noble quality was his sense of mercy, God’s mercy. Rader lived his life like he knew he had received a second chance, a pardon for the wrongs that he and we all have done. Another word for mercy is forgiveness. And that should be his legacy, that through his death this company grows closer together, not farther apart. And you can and do honor him with your tears, your honesty, and your actions. God bless Stephen James Raderstorf, and may his family and his friends feel a sense of the Lord’s presence and comfort in the difficult times ahead. And God bless Alpha Company, and may we all live our lives in a way that brings honor to the soldier who made those around him better men. Hallelujah, Amen.

[1]Tan, P. L. Encyclopedia of 7700 illustrations : A treasury of illustrations, anecdotes, facts and quotations for pastors, teachers and Christian workers. Garland TX: Bible Communications, 1996, c1979.

LETTER to ESQUIRE MAG--31 DEC 2006

2007-01-02T13:44:00.000+08:00

Dear Esquire:

Enough! Please cancel my subscription to your magazine. I cannot take it anymore. Since I am deployed to Iraq, I receive the latest editions of Esquire several months after publication. I am writing in response to the article "Innocent" by Tom Junod in your July 2006 issue. I will not go into all the specifics of what is so wrong with the details of this piece (question: when did Mr. Junod take a course in Christian theology, comparative religions, or basic journalistic skepticism?). While he is a fine writer, his conclusions are interesting...and unsettling.

What is especially appalling is the statement "He [meaning John Walker Lindh] is a better person than you or I," that appears on page 109. Usually I would laugh at such a misguided and facile conclusion, but every day I look into the faces of the young men and women of our military as they roll outside our gates to face the danger of combat. I could not let Mr. Junod's claim that Lindh is better, more compassionate, and intending more good than our 140,000+ military personnel stationed in Iraq pass uncontested. And why do our forces do it? Because, spectacularly, instead of doing it for money or because they have no other choices due to their socio-economic status, most actually believe they can make a difference.

While I understand the Junod's concern about the legal proceedings of Lindh's case, the broad and sweeping generalizations about Christianity, Mr. Lindh, and how good he is are not only incorrect but disturbing. Mr. Lindh self-admitted that he carried guns and weapons for the Taliban. Last time I checked, these are the same folks who have no problem inflicting horrible collateral damage upon the innocent in the name of their worldview. These are the same folks who, if they believed it would further their cause, would drop a grenade in a baby carriage, walk away, and enjoy their evening meal.

Normally, in the spirit of open debate, I would let such things slide by, but Mr. Junod's words are more of a critique of your own editorial laxity than it is of his journalistic irresponsibility. How can I trust such a magazine that claims to speak for the "man at his best" when it chooses to publish such tripe? Mr. Junod, do us a favor, convert and get it over with, but please spare us the non-critical perspective and wholesale acceptance of what Lindh and his extremist ilk claim. I wish I had more time to write, but I have to get ready to go out on a patrol with some of the Americans eclipsed by Mr. Lindh's down-home, friendly brand of fanaticism.

Take care.

Gratia et Veritas,
CH (CPT) Kevin Wainwright

DISPATCH 010--01 JAN 2007

2007-01-02T13:43:00.001+08:00

“We pay God honor and reverence, not for his sake (because he is of himself full of glory to which no creature can add anything), but for our own sake.” --Thomas Aquinas, medieval theologian

Honor.

Honor can mean many things, but what does it mean to our soldiers and their families?

We sometimes confuse celebrity with honor. Our society will elevate someone who is famous or popular by giving them the “star” treatment. Power is often confused with honor. The powerful seem not to be judged with the same standards as others. But even we misuse honor when we begin to think that, because of extenuating circumstances, we deserve that particular item, experience, or person despite the cost to ourselves or others.

Because of this confusion we find ourselves wondering what honor really means and if any of it is left in the world. We look at corporate scandals where the powerful have lied, cheated, and stolen, all in the name of profit. We look at the superficial and shallow lives of some celebrities and grow weary of the constant tabloid headlines we see at the checkout line of the local supermarket. And lastly, if we are honest with ourselves, we might even examine the many different times we have sacrificed truth and goodness in the name of compromise so we could get ahead of or go along with the crowd.

Despite all this confusion, honor, true honor, still exists. It exists amongst our soldiers as they go about their daily missions. Honor for them is when they do their difficult tasks without cutting corners. Honor is when our soldiers do the right thing even when no one else is around. Honor is when a mechanic stays up all night to make sure a Bradley Fighting Vehicle is properly fixed. Honor is when a squad leader makes a second and a third check of his soldiers to make sure that they are fully prepared for a mission. Honor is when a convoy commander conducts the same safety brief despite how many times her soldiers might have heard it. Honor is when a soldier upholds what is good and just despite the pain and ridicule he will endure for telling the truth.

In the end, the type of honor I see here involves personal sacrifice for the greater good. It is not about recognition, or popularity, or rewards. It is about service. We honor one another when we do the little things that help build the bonds of comradeship. Many people hunger for the type of honor that is commonplace amongst our troops.

Unfortunately, honor is often not recognized in our society because the label is overused, and honor is often not recognized in Iraq because it is overseen. Every day, despite the pressures of combat, the deployment, and separation from our loved ones, our soldiers do the little but significant things that make them such an example for all of us. They know honor because they know sacrifice. They know that anything worthwhile in life does not come cheaply or easily.

Honor is what our soldiers render to you back home each time they do good despite the temptation to do evil. And you honor us by the sacrifices that you make while we are away. Honor is the care packages piled up during mail call. Honor is the quiet efficiency with which you, our loved ones, go about the daily challenges of life without us at home. Honor is when you support us despite the discouraging news you see on the internet, television, or newspaper. Honor is when you have our children pray for us before they go to bed.

The gift that honor brings to the person who lives it out each and every day is that our lives are making a difference. Every person, deep down in their very soul, yearns to live a life that matters, and many in our society do. But when you think about your loved one, your husband, your father, your wife, your daughters, or your son, remember this: there is no question that what they are doing, what you are doing, matters. We are protecting the widow and the orphan from an enemy that wishes them harm. We are distributing aid to a community isolated by its enemies. We are making this part of Iraq a safer place.

I am honored to serve such fine men and women that wear a uniform, and we are honored by your love for and continued support of us. God bless you.

Gratia et Veritas,
Chaplain Kevin Wainwright

DIGIJOURNAL 010--31 DEC 2006

2007-01-02T13:42:00.001+08:00

DATELINE: 31DEC06 PB PALIWODA

Happy New Year!

I hope you are all doing well back in the States. It has been awhile since I posted an update, so this entry will be fairly long. We have been busy during Christmas week. We were even able to get Father K down for another visit this week, and Father B made it to PB O’Ryan on the 23rd. Without further yakking, here is the latest.

Thoughts for the Week
“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” -Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King

“On the Day of Judgment, surely, we shall not be asked what we have read but what we have done; not how well we have spoken but how well we have lived.” -Thomas a Kempis

Christmas Eve/Day Services
Many people feel sorry for soldiers during the Christmas Season. It is a tough time for us, for we are missing our families and wishing we were home. Nevertheless, the Christmas services over here tend to be some of the most meaningful I have ever experienced.

We had two services, one morning and one evening, on Christmas Eve and one night service on Christmas Day. We had about 7-12 at each service. I was even able, with much thanks to my wife, to get my hands on an Advent wreath. Our services here are very simple. Here is the basic liturgy…

Opening Prayer
Praise Song
Prayers of Confession and Petition
Praise Song
Scripture and Message
Communion
Apostles’ Creed
Praise Song
Benediction

When we gathered for the Christmas services, what made them special were the people. Since we are small in size, I know every soldier/parishioner personally. Having a chaplain is like having your minister/priest live with you in your home. In Iraq we are all brothers and sisters, at least for this year, for better or worse. Because of the size of the "congregation," I am also able to go to every soldier and serve them communion. We closed out the Christmas Day service with the Advent wreath lit and the lights off. There is something sacred in watching the light flicker on the faces of the soldiers while our voices sang, a capella, Silent Night. After the service we looked up at the stars and saw the very same sky that the magi followed to Bethlehem. When we come together in worship, the effect is to further bind us together like family.

At midnight on Christmas Eve, CPL Crnkovich and I went around to the front gate and guard towers saying hello and Merry Christmas. Despite the cold weather (it does get cold over here), our soldiers were in good spirits. Going around visiting is a good example of how the majority of our ministry is done with and for soldiers who are not necessarily church-goers or chapel attendees. This does not mean that worship on our respective FOBs is exclusive. I believe that, when we come together in our small groups for prayer and worship, we are somehow speaking for all of our soldiers. We are not speaking of dogma or religious sects but instead of the brotherhood and fellowship we all have over here. For a brief moment on Christmas Eve, it felt like there was an island of peace in this war-torn land.

The New Year
Today is New Year’s Eve, and, for some of our young (and not-so-young) soldiers this will be the first New Year’s Eve they will have remembered in many years. I have told most of them to think radically and attend worship. We will see if my requests bear fruit.

Saddam’s Execution
I will not say much about this. I am probably in the minority, but I am not so sure this was a good thing. This is my personal opinion, which means that it is not worth much nor based on extensive research and scholarship, but there was just something sad about it. Do not misunderstand me, Saddam was a genocidal murderer, but I do think that it says something about us as people that we still have to resort to this way of dealing with evil. It speaks about our fall from grace and about how any attempt at justice will always be imperfect.

Recognizing Knocks
CPL Crnkovich and I are getting to the point where enough people are coming by to visit that we are able to recognize who some folks are by the way they knock on the door. I am glad that soldiers are beginning to feel comfortable with Paul and me. I had the honor of following in ministry a very capable and holy man, Tim Cross. He was the battalion chaplain last time 3-8 was deployed. He had a very good relationship with the soldiers. When you live with your congregation, you are always witnessing to who God is and what you believe. For soldiers it is more important to live faithfully than to speak eloquently. I still have many people I need to meet, but I am glad that God has used our UMT (Unit Ministry Team, Armyspeak for the chaplain and his assistant) to reach out in compassion to some of our soldiers.

A Stocking and a Card
I want to thank everyone who sent items for Christmas. You were so generous that every soldier (all 700+) was able to receive one stocking andat least two Christmas cards. Knowing that we have your love and support made Christmas a little easier to bear. Thank you for your faithfulness.

Pray for Healing in the Church
Many of our soldiers are uncomfortable with attending chapel because of what has happened in the past to them in church. Either they were let down by a minister or came to see how hypocritical, at times, church-goers can be. I remind our soldiers that, because it is populated with people, broken people in search of healing and restoration, the Church was never intended to be perfect. One of the reasons Christ called the Church into being was so that we could learn how to forgive one another and practice forbearance with people whom we would not necessarily associate. Many ask me if there is anything they could pray for, and I always tell them for our safety and the safety of our families back at home. Well, I would also like to add forgiveness of the church for being all too human. My prayer is that, while we are deployed, there will be sufficient healing so that, when we return, some of those soldiers who feel alienated will once again be called to be a part of a local congregation.

Techno, Trance, and Street Cred
CPL C has been able to get me hooked on techno and trance. Techno and trance are typically instrumental forms of modern club and dance music featuring mostly keyboards and little or no lyrics. CPL C, who is always quick to point out how old I am, has encouraged this music fetish in hopes that it will enhance my “Street Cred” (the latest generation’s word for street credibility, meaning "with the times," or what my parents' generation would have called “hip”). Unfortunately, after he saw the way I waved my head to the base beat, he soon concluded that having me take up this form of music was a bad idea.

Fergie Videos
I have discovered a new danger for our soldiers on FOB Paliwoda: Fergie videos. I did not know who she was until our S3, MAJ John “Buckhead John” Throckmorton pointed out that she was the former lead singer for the band “Black Eyed Peas.” (For those of you scoring at home, because I did not know who she was and the S3 did, I lost some of my street cred while he gained some. If you are into physics, street cred is like mass: it can never be destroyed (unless you are into quantum physics, where I believe mass can be changed into energy. Guess who had too much coffee this morning).

Back to Fergie. We have big screen TVs in the Paliwoda gym. Usually they are tuned in to an Italian version of MTV. The Europeans have interesting choices when it comes to American pop music and culture. Anyway, everyone seems to stop what they are doing when the latest Fergie video appears. Because of this guys fall off treadmills and drop weights on their feet as they stare at her gyrating all over the screen. I still do not know what she looks like since I always keep my eyes straight ahead when she comes on the screen.

Armyspeak Word for the Week
UMT-Unit Ministry Team comprised of the chaplain and his or her assistant. Usage, “The assistant daydreamed about having another chaplain as part of the UMT.” Sometimes they do not work together as a team, which means that very little ministry gets done. I am blessed in that I have had and continue to have great assistants. I am not so sure what CPL C thinks of me as a chaplain.

Well, I must go get ready for worship. I pray that all is well at home. I have included below a very helpful article for folks looking for resources to educate their children about this and upcoming deployments. God Bless y’all.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

My husband is scheduled to deploy soon. I have found many books and resources [to help] military spouse[s] but none for my 5-year-old son. Can you tell me of any good books for military children regarding deployment? Actually, any children's books related to military would be a great help.
Bridgette, Fort Hood, TX Active Army spouse; 4 years

Dear Bridgette:
We'd love to help you in your search for books for your child. A military child is a very important person. Don't you wish there was a book or website that just explained it all to them or at least to us so we could tell them? As spouses, we tend to have an easier time expressing our feelings. Children are sometimes less vocal when it comes to the struggles of military lifestyle.
So, we have scoured libraries, both brick and mortar and virtual, to bring you the most up to date and relevant books for military children. We hope you find this list helpful in your "pre-deployment" conversations with your child as well as in everyday military life.

• A Yellow Ribbon for Daddy by Anissa Mersiowsky
• Daddy Is a Soldier! by Kirsten Hallowell
• While You Are Away by Eileen Spinelli
• A Year Without Dad by Jodi Brunson
• Daddy, Will You Miss Me? by Wendy McCormick
• Uncle Sam's Kids: When Duty Calls by Angela Sportelli-Rehak
• Making New Friends by Jacqueline H. Blumenstock
• Mommy, You're My Hero! by Michelle Ferguson-Cohen
• Daddy, You're My Hero!by Michelle Ferguson-Cohen
• Our 50 States: A Family Adventure Across America by Lynne Cheney
• The Blue Day Book for Kids: A Lesson in Cheering Yourself Up by Bradley Trevor Greive
• H Is for Honor: A Military Family Alphabet by Devin Scillian
• A is for America by Devin Scillian
• Dear Soldier: Heartfelt Letters from America's Children by Barbara W. Baldwin, Amber Baldwin D'Amico, Heather Baldwin Duff
• I Miss You!: A Military Kid's Book About Deployment by Beth Andrews
• The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman, Ross Campbell
• The Magic Box: When Parents Can't Be There to Tuck You In by Marty Sederman, Seymour Epstein
• Night Catch by Brenda Ehrmantraut
• Lulu's Rose Colored Glasses by Gretchan Pyne
• An American Flag for Their Father by Annmarie Hickey Georgopolis
• A Very Long Time by Geri Timperley
• Ned And The General: A Lesson About Deployment by Ron Madison
• Daddy's in Iraq, But I Want Him Back! by Carmen R. Hoyt
• When Is Daddy Coming Home? by Richard Carlton Haney
• Mommy, Don't Go by Elizabeth Crary
• My Daddy is a Soldier by Kirk Hilbrecht
• Deployment Journal for Kids by Rachel Robertson
• The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn
• War? I'm Scared! by WeWriteKids
• A Paper Hug by Stephanie Skolmoski
• The Hero in My Pocket by Marlene Lee
• Footsteps Around the World: Relocation Tips for Teens by Beverly D. Roman

Many of these books' authors and publishers have websites that include additional material in support of military children and their attempt to make the most of military life. All of these books can be purchased through the FP Booklist found at www.fieldproblems.com/booklist.shtml

Have other questions? For more information or to submit your Field Problem, visit www.FieldProblems.com or e-mail FromTheField@FieldProblems.com. Please include your first name, location, branch of service, and years in/associated with the military. Questions may be edited for length and clarity. Field Problems™ reserves the right to read on the air and/or publish on its website or in any other form, the emails and letters that we receive. By sending us a letter or email, you agree to these terms.

SERMON OUTLINE 009--31 DEC 2006

2007-01-02T13:40:00.000+08:00

SPIRITUAL BATTLE DRILLS

First Sunday in Christmas
FOB Paliwoda
31DEC06

Lectionary Texts
1 Samuel 2:18-20; 26
Psalm 148
Colossians 3:12-17
Luke 2:41-52

Scripture
Colossians 3:12-17

Background/Timeline
Paul writing to address problems of syncretism in the church
2:1-10 Faith versus philosophy
2:11-23 Faith versus legalism/works
3:1-11 Faith versus permissiveness
3:12-17 What a man looks like who puts his faith in Christ

I. Introduction

A. Spiritual Warfare: We are in the midst of a spiritual battle as well. How do your fellow soldiers look at you? Just as God is working through our thoughts, words, and deeds; so is the Devil looking to use us for his twisted kingdom. He wants us to hate; he wants us to despise; he wants us to despair; he wants us to think highly of ourselves. He wants to use this war, this deployment, to cripple us not only now but for the future.

B. It does not have to be this way. This deployment is a great opportunity to grow in faith. We can learn to stop relying on our own strength and skills and begin relying on Christ.

C. “The sign that God is at work in us is that He corrupts confidence in the natural virtues, because they are not promises of what we are going to be, but remnants of what God created man to be.” —Oswald Chambers

D. Before we can answer the question “What would Jesus do?” we must first answer “Who does Jesus want us to be?”

E. The Apostle Paul speaks to us through the Word today, instructing us and giving us the answer to this question.

II. Spiritual Battle Drills

A. v12-13, what is expected of us. A list of battle drills to gain our hearts for Christ. Tender mercies:

C. True worship is more than church attendance. It is the community putting into practice these virtues. It is living a faithful life in church, in the home, and in the world that bears the greatest witness.

D. Christian warrior ethos. To live this way requires heroic discipline. It is not weakness to give ourselves to Christ; it is strength.

III. Armed with Love

A. How can we live out these virtues? We cannot do it with our own strength, for we must rely on the strength of the Lord. What is at the center if God’s strength? Love.

B. v14: “But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.”

C. Love is what makes us perfect in Christ. It is the source of all our right actions, and it is the witness that we have truly repented and accepted His call.

D. Love is not a feeling but an attitude, an expectation, a state of mind. Love is a verb, not a noun.

E. “Indeed it is not learning that makes a man holy and just, but a virtuous life makes him pleasing to God. I would rather feel contrition than know how to define it. For what would it profit us to know the whole Bible by heart and the principles of all the philosophers if we live without grace and the love of God? Vanity of vanities and all is vanity, except to love God and serve Him alone.” —Thomas à Kempis

IV. Winning the Peace

A. Our objective is peace. v15: peace of God, not of men, needs to be Lord of your spirit. Being at peace with God means you will be thankful for God.

B. Until we make peace with God, we will never be at peace with men.

C. Illustration: Katie Couric, the famous newscaster, commented in an interview with Esquire magazine that she could not commit herself to God because she could not accept that God was more important than her family. Further along in the interview she expresses anger and resentment of the loss of her husband (he died at age 42 of cancer). She does not strike me as a person filled with peace.

D. Until we fully accept and understand God’s forgiveness of us, we will never be able to forgive others.

E. Peacefulness of the heart means that you can and have forgiven people, including yourself, for hurting you.

F. True forgiveness can only take place if we put on the love of God. Forgiveness must be practiced. Have you grown up in a forgiving home? Is there someone you need to forgive? Illustration: a great source of pain I see right now in our deployment is the fracturing of fragile relationships. This separation combined with the stress of war is beginning to reveal our true character.

G. Writing someone off is not forgiveness; we are just hiding, or sublimating, the pain. And this is the damage—every time we are faced with a similar situation or a similar person we will repeat the process. Lack of forgiveness is a guarantee of self-sabotage.

H. Forgiveness is hard. “Forgiving the unforgivable is hard. So was the cross: hard words, hard wood, hard nails.” —William S. Stoddard

V. Conclusion

A. v16: “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom.”

1. We can only understand God’s Word through Christ

2. God’s Word comes to us in song, in prayer, in worship, in preaching, and in studying scripture.

B. “They who are conscious of their own sins have no eyes for the sins of their neighbors.” —Abbot Moses (10th century)

C. Worry about yourself, not others.

D. Armed with love we will win the peace that allows us to live out our faith by working through these virtues:

We need to be careful when we begin to look at others in our lives. It is too easy to begin to think that we are better, or more spiritual, or more of a Christian. Instead of asking why a particular person is not a believer, we should instead ask why has our lives not been a sufficient witness for the Spirit to win our neighbor for Christ.

SERMON OUTLINE 008--25 DEC 2006

2006-12-26T12:09:00.000+08:00

RETAKING the OBJECTIVE

Christmas Day
FOB Paliwoda
25DEC06

Scripture
Luke 2:1-20

Timeline
1:5-25 Jonathan promised to Elizabeth and Zacharias in their old age
1:26-38 Gabriel visits Mary
1:39-45 Mary visits Elizabeth
1:46-56 Mary’s song of joy
1:57-80 John the Baptist is born

I. Introduction

A. It is beginning, or has for awhile, felt like every day is like the movie Groundhog Day. Every day is the same. Well, does this Christmas Day feel any different? Should it?

B. Topic of this message is hope, it is our objective. Unfortunately, I think we have lost at times this objective called hope. It may not be that we are hopeless, but we have lost that sense of faith.

C. Hope originally meant trust. Where is our trust, who do we trust?

D. Hope is what this day is about, and if every day is the same, then shame on us for not retaking it back in the name of the Lord.

II. The Child Who Did Not Count

A. Historical context

1. The census was for tax purposes.

2. The journey was through rugged mountain trails.

3. Think about this day from Mary’s perspective. Here she was, pregnant for the first time, scared, traveling with a man that was her husband that she really just met, the baby is coming, and they will not even let them stay at the inn.

4. How cold do you have to be to refuse a pregnant woman a place to stay?

C. The inn was packed because of census. It was more important to obey Caesar than it was to show mercy and compassion to a pregnant girl. In a way, Jesus was the boy who does not count.

D. Have you ever felt like you did not count, that you were not important, that you were just a number? Now you have something in common with Christ.

E. “There were only a few shepherds at the first Bethlehem. The ox and the ass understood more of the first Christmas than the high priests in Jerusalem. And it is the same today.” -Thomas Merton

III. The Child Who Takes Anger Away

A Nigerian woman who is a physician at a great teaching hospital in the United States came out of the crowd today to say something kind about the lecture I had just given. She introduced herself using an American name. "What's your African name?" I asked. She immediately gave it to me, several syllables long with a musical sound to it. "What does the name mean?" I wondered.
She answered, "It means 'Child who takes the anger away.'"
When I inquired as to why she would have been given this name, she said, "My parents had been forbidden by their parents to marry. But they loved each other so much that they defied the family opinions and married anyway. For several years they were ostracized from both their families. Then my mother became pregnant with me. And when the grandparents held me in their arms for the first time, the walls of hostility came down. I became the one who swept the anger away. And that's the name my mother and father gave me."
It occurred to me that her name would be a suitable one for Jesus[1].

B. We find Christ in a dirty manger in a place where most of the world would not be. Christ still comes to those places. He was not born in suburbia, or in a burnt out neighborhood, or even on a farm in America. He came to a war-torn, ravaged place—a place not meant for children, a place that many called unholy and unfit for God. A place filled with hate and vengeance. He still comes to those places, waiting to be born, except now it is in the rough, bitter places of our hearts. That grudge that you hold, is it worth it? Is it worth putting Jesus out of the inn of your heart?

C. Is there someone with whom we have a broken relationship? Perhaps it is a parent, a sibling, a spouse, or a child? Have we been holding onto that barrier because we were either too afraid or too full of pride to make peace?

IV. The Child Who Unites in God’s Name

A Palestinian baby found abandoned at birth in a roadside heap of trash was rescued by Palestinian doctors, nurtured by a group of nuns, and had her heart repaired by an Israeli surgeon. The survival of tiny Salaam, whose name means "peace" in Arabic, has become a rare example of the region's usually fractured and clashing peoples working together to save a life.
The area has been torn by Palestinian-Israeli violence in which children and infants on both sides have suffered and died.
Salaam was found by Palestinians along a road north of the West Bank town of Ramallah and taken to a shelter run by Palestinian social services. A group of nuns in Bethlehem gave her a permanent home.
But the baby's health worsened. She was born with a large hole between the chambers of her heart, and her lungs were not receiving enough blood. Palestinian doctors noticed she was turning blue and losing weight, and the baby was taken to a Jerusalem hospital.
"She was skin and bone and that's it," said Israeli doctor Eli Milgalter, who operated on Salaam's heart on January 24th. The nuns raised nearly $11,000 to pay for the hospital costs, and Milgalter performed the surgery without accepting payment. Salaam has made a full recovery, doctors said.[2]

B. Does this story mean something different to you now that we are here? When people ask you what are we doing in this place, are we not trying to bring some hope. We are more than soldiers, we are men, and we have been created in this Child’s image, despite what we believe. Let us not turn away from that question we all get from our fellow soldiers, “what are we doing here,” without speaking a word of hope. Shame on us if we do.

V. Conclusion

There fared a mother driven forth
Out of an inn to roam;
In the place where she was homeless
All men are at home.
The crazy stable close at hand,
With shaking timber and shifting sand,
Grew a stronger thing to abide and stand
Than the square stones of Rome.
To an open house in the evening
Home shall men come,
To an older place than Eden
And a taller town than Rome.
To the end of the way of the wandering star
To an open house in the evening
Home shall men come,
To an older place than Eden
And a taller town than Rome.[3]

God came into this world, despite the fact that all the doors were shut in his face, all the reasons to hope were gone, yet he still came. He comes still. He comes for me. He comes for you. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace (and hope), goodwill toward men.

[1] Gordon MacDonald, author, speaker, Leadership editor-at-large, Leadership Weekly (11-6-02).
[2] "'Peace Baby' Touches Mideast Enemies," Associated Press (2-25-02); submitted by James C. Lindberg, Tempe, Arizona.
[3] G. K. Chesterton, extracts from his poem "The House of Christmas," Christianity Today, Vol. 39, no. 14.

SERMON OUTLINE 007--24 DEC 2006

2006-12-26T12:06:00.000+08:00

HOPE is a PLAN

Fourth Sunday in Advent
FOB PALIWODA
24DEC06

Scripture
Luke 1:39-56

Timeline
1:5-25 Jonathan promised to Elizabeth and Zacharias in their old age
1:26-38 Gabriel visits Mary

I. Introduction:

Illustration: little children waiting for Santa. The attraction is not the gifts, as witnessed by a child’s fascination with a box rather than the toy that it housed, but the magic of the day

II. The Holy Spirit at Work

III. Holy Imagination

Illustration: we need to see the Holy Spirit working around us. Chaplains do not control God.

IV. Looking Ahead

Silent Night proved to be my all-time lifesaver. Just when [bar fights] started getting out of hand, when bikers were reaching for their pool cues and rednecks were heading for the gun rack, I'd start playing Silent Night. It could be the middle of July—I didn't care. Sometimes they'd even start crying, standing there watching me sweat and play Christmas carols.[1]

V. Conclusion

As we imagine the world, if we imagine with God’s heart of faith, hope, and love, then what does God have for our future, what trust, what faith does he have in us? Amen.

[1] Twang! The Ultimate Book of Country Music Quotations, compiled by Raymond Obstfeld and Sheila Burgener (New York: Henry Holt and Company, 1997)

The House of Christmas--G.K. Chesterton

2006-12-26T11:49:00.000+08:00

There fared a mother driven forth
Out of an inn to roam;
In the place where she was homeless
All men are at home.
The crazy stable close at hand,
With shaking timber and shifting sand,
Grew a stronger thing to abide and stand
Than the square stones of Rome.

For men are homesick in their homes,
And strangers under the sun,
And they lay on their heads in a foreign land
Whenever the day is done.
Here we have battle and blazing eyes,
And chance and honor and high surprise,
But our homes are under miraculous skies
Where the Yule tale was begun.

A Child in a foul stable,
Where the beasts feed and foam;
Only where He was homeless
Are you and I at home;
We have hands that fashion and heads that know,
But our hearts we lost - how long ago!
In a place no chart nor ship can show
Under the sky's dome.

This world is wild as an old wives' tale,
And strange the plain things are,
The earth is enough and the air is enough
For our wonder and our war;
But our rest is as far as the fire-drake swings
And our peace is put in impossible things
Where clashed and thundered unthinkable wings
Round an incredible star.

To an open house in the evening
Home shall men come,
To an older place than Eden
And a taller town than Rome.
To the end of the way of the wandering star,
To the things that cannot be and that are,
To the place where God was homeless
And all men are at home.

DIGIJOURNAL 009--21 DEC 2006

2006-12-22T13:07:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 21DEC06 PB PALIWODA

Greetings to All,

I have received many favorable comments from folks who have visited this blogsite. Thank you. But I want everyone to know that it is easy to write about the great people whom I have the privilege of serving. I would like to make a couple of things clear about what this site represents. It is a compilation of my own personal observations about what is going on over here. I stress personal, because if you ever perceive that I am either insensitive or idiotic, please go ahead and assume that it has everything to do with me (good assumption) and nothing to do with the fine character of our soldiers.

Well, I have said my disclaimer, so now let us begin with the updates...

Wait…one more item. Even though we are involved in a very serious business over here in Iraq, I have to add some humor to the environment. There is a saying, “sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying.” My hope is that these words bring a chuckle to the heart that banishes away, at least for a moment, the anxiety and fears of and for your loved ones. Laughter always seems to be a byproduct of hope. May it be so. Peace.

Thoughts for the Week
When I brief the leadership every week, I usually try to include a few thoughts and/or ideas that I have discovered in my weekly prayer and study time. I will start including them here.

"Fanaticism is overcompensation for doubt." --Carl Jung

"In war it is not hard to hate, but hatred is a poison which harms more the one who harbors it than the one against whom it is directed.” --Rev. Robert McLean

Christmas
I want to thank everyone who has made this Christmas special for our soldiers. The response has been overwhelming. Every soldier (700+) was able to receive at least two cards, a stocking, and other small items. The gifts are great, but what means the most to soldiers is the thoughts and prayers behind them. We receive a flood of information over here, almost too much information. Sometimes it may seem like folks have given up on what is going on overseas. However, what we perceive and what is real is often different. What I see, what we see, is that a variety of individuals and organizations across the political, ideological, and religious spectrum have reached out to us. While some may argue over our foreign policy (and, by the way, we are blessed to live in a country where we can debate), there is no arguing about the fact that folks still support us—-the soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines who are serving downrange. This war has now eclipsed WWII in duration, but it is a powerful witness to the faithfulness of the “common” American men, women, and children who still take and/or make the time to support us. We will never be able to repay you for all you have done for us.

The Big Thing
One of our primary concerns during operations is that we need to keep things quiet from any prospective enemy. Armyspeak for this is called Operational Security, or OPSEC for short. It is important that both our soldiers and our families get repeatedly briefed about how important OPSEC is. As a result, I always refer to big missions (as opposed to small missions, which is as messed up a concept as “minor” surgery) as the “thing,” as in “WH6, can CPL C and I go out to see soldiers on this ‘thing’ we are doing?”

PC (aka CPL Paul ‘I would like to buy a vowel’ Crnkovich, my fearless and trusty chaplain assistant) and I had the opportunity to go out on a thing with members of A, E, and HHC companies. What an interesting time. I have traveled all over Northern Iraq, both last time I was here and this time. The difference this time was that, while previously we had always tried to avoid the enemy, this time we were trying to find him.

Now, before I can claim or anyone gets images of me fearlessly running alongside of infantry dismounts catching shrapnel with my teeth, let me reassure you and my wife that I spent the vast majority of the time safely ensconced in a reinforced, medic-track 113. I say this to highlight the true courage (again, truly amazing) of our soldiers. After leaving early in the morning, when the sun came up I went out to visit the guys and gal who were dismounted guarding our sector. Many of you have images of the sweltering heat and wilting humidity of Iraq, and those days are coming, but it actually gets cold here. In fact, PC allegedly spotted a couple of snowflakes this weekend. Our soldiers were outside braving these elements. When I went to talk to them, they were cold but positive. Amazing!!!

They must have been in a good mood because they had to have laughed as I came lumbering over to them. I wish I could describe myself as the Brad Pitt/George Clooney-looking chaplain who lithely slips across the battlefield, leaping over broken buildings and t-walls with ease. The truth is that I am a big, doughy white guy who looks like a brontosaurus competing, poorly, in an obstacle course as I run over to these twenty-something soldiers. It drives PC nuts. He is that graceful guy who has to protect the lumbering brontosaurus. With creaking knees and jacked up spine I knelt down, slowly, to talk to these great people. After visiting with them, I jogged, again slowly, over to the First Sergeant (1SG) to see how he was doing. He nervously looked around, dropped the back ramp, said hello, and then told me to get back in the medic track, which leads into the next issue.

Apparently, it is bad luck to get your chaplain hurt in battle. Now, as my wife’s favorite husband, I like that sentiment, but I wonder how it sounds to you the reader, especially if your husband/son/daughter/etc. is not the chaplain. What makes me special? Nothing. The plain fact is that the chaplain is like the rabbit’s foot or mascot for the unit; and, like a rabbit’s foot or mascot, a lost or stolen chaplain is usually bad (depending on what you think of the chaplain). As our soldiers are scanning for snipers, I get the vibe that they are not usually in the mood to discuss the finer points of predestination and Calvinistic theology, so I do not get into the lack of uniqueness of their chaplain. I want you to know that I do appreciate the sentiment of our soldiers to keep me safe.

Well, as the mission reached completion, I am glad to say that the only casualty that we had was my rear-end due to sitting in the back of the 113 for hours. I call this ailment "113-butt." If all the sheep come back to the fold with wet noses and all their fingers and toes still attached and operational, I call the mission a success. Add to this that our soldiers did complete all their objectives, and we have a good day in Warhorseland. I must thank SGT V, the chief medic in A Co., for being such a gracious host as we stayed in his track. I must say that I was a little disappointed in the cabin service. Instead of cocktails and a hot meal served once we reached cruising altitude, all I received was an MRE (meal, ready-to-eat, I love Armyspeak reverse acronyms) and some Gatorade. At least the Gatorade was cold.

Theological Reflection and Incoming Fire
As I was out participating in a very small way in the “Big Thing,” listening to the reports of enemy activity and the sounds of contact (Armyspeak for flying bullets and explosions) thankfully not too near us, I began to do what most soldiers do at time like these—think about God. Whether they are metaphorical or real bullets, it often takes danger to force us to reflect on our finitude (chaplainspeak for death, limits, life, we are not God, etc. ).

I made this observation: how long would we keep a friend around who only came to talk to us when they were in trouble or when they needed something? Probably not for long, but why do we treat God like this? Why do we, or more specifically I, who of all people should know better, only approach God in desperation? Do not get me wrong, God always likes it when we come to Him, but I find that I say “I want, I want, I need, I need” far too often than I say "thank you." It is also frightening to think about what I am teaching to my two sons in how I pray. I guess, like Joseph finding good even when his own brothers intended evil for him, even on the battlefield when you are desperately praying for the safety of the soldiers because you can see their families in their faces, you can discover the Holy Spirit talking to and moving through you.

This evening during worship I mentioned to our soldiers that even God can use this deployment to make us better husbands, fathers, brothers, and sons. It just depends on our vision and the teach-ability of our spirit. This Christmas I am reminded that God did not wait to approach us, did not wait until we were perfect, sinless, and deserving, but He came as a child to the very same part of the world where we are, when it was just as or more dangerous than it is today. He came for us, and we will never be able to thank Him enough.

Gotta Love the Infantry
One of my constant comments is how much in awe I am of our soldiers, and how thankful we should be of how courageous they are. During the “Big Thing,” despite being on one knee in the freezing cold for hours, despite the very real danger they were in, they still managed to laugh and to do their job without complaint. To give you an idea of what it is like to be a dismounted infantryman, artilleryman, tanker, or mechanic, for we are all riflemen now, let me tell you how they sleep. When a 113 personnel carrier is moving over asphalt, the inside sounds like you are riding in a cement mixer full of rocks while listening to a Metallica concert. I think it would be quieter sitting next to a jet engine. However, for the rifleman, it is not too noisy to sleep. As the dismounts ran back to our vehicle, moving more gracefully than their chaplain, they piled in, feigned the respectful interest in my eager questions, but went immediately to sleep as we rolled back to our FOB. Before drifting off to sleep, one of the soldiers commented to a new arrival that “we have to be more than steely-eyed soldiers; we have to win the hearts and minds of the people.” He was stating what the vast majority of soldiers feel in their hearts, despite their bravado, and that is that they still care about the people of this country. While I would never want to be accused of being a sentimental, touchy-feely guy (gag), this is my guess why, when they did eventually drift off to sleep, they looked like angels.

SGT S
I want to brag on the person I like to call our music minister. One of the spiritual gifts I did not receive was the gift of music, or a good voice, or rhythm, or any other vocal or instrumental blessing. Thankfully, SGT S has stepped forward with his guitar and his good voice to be able to lead us during worship. He makes as many services as the mission will allow, oftentimes forgoing sleep or a much needed meal. He is definitely a good and faithful servant of the Lord.

Father K Comes to Paliwoda
The most important thing a chaplain does for the soldiers he serves is to make sure they have access to practice their faith. For Roman Catholics, it is very important that they be able to attend mass, confession, and to receive the Eucharist as often as possible. In my opinion it is even more important for our Roman Catholics in 3-8 because so many of them are out on missions. Unfortunately, the military archdiocese, like many dioceses in the United States, is suffering from a shortage of priests. It is for this reason that our priests can only come to visit us every 3-4 weeks. Last week CH (CPT) Father K was able to come to Paliwoda. Due to emergency leaves and other factors, it had almost been two months since his last visit. He and his assistant flew in to Paliwoda in a very drafty Chinook (big helicopter, two rotors) on a very cold night. As PC and I waded through the darkness to find them, Father K appeared looking very blue and very much in need of heat. It did not help that I was so glad he was there that I hugged him. I am sure, in the words of our Command Sergeant Major, that he thought I had “done lost my mind.” After having him say hello to the Long Man (WH6), CPL C and I dropped him off at the chapel, set the heater on defrost, and let him have some peace for the night. The priests in country often travel hundreds of miles every other week in order to see as many of our soldiers as possible. I am really thankful for their service and faithfulness. Father K has a special heart for soldiers, and Paliwoda always seems a little brighter after he visits. I have also arranged for another priest, CH (1LT) Father B to visit O’Ryan. Please keep them, all our priests, and all our chaplains in your prayers.

A Very Quick Autobio
Some have asked about my background, so here it is.

As you can see, I could claim my begin date of entering the military was 1987. I try not to, because it is depressing. My assistant reminds me of how old I am every day (he was born when I was a junior in high school). He always maxes the APFT because of all the pushups I make him do.

We Miss You…If You Are Not a Wife Please Skip to Next Section (Especially You, Mom)
As Christmas day approaches, I would like to explain for the wives what most of the husbands are going through over here. Before reading any further, I would like to make a disclaimer. As my wife has reminded me, listening to the chaplain talk about intimacy issues is like listening to your parents. Stunned silence is often followed by nausea. However--and this may shock some people--my wife and I did not find our two boys in baskets drifting down the stream at a church picnic. As guys begin to return home on leave, there is a reason why they are set on microwave and not crockpot. In between the stress and preparation of war, we also have a great deal of time to think. And we are finding ourselves thinking of you, our wives. While you are doing the noble and more challenging job of keeping things going at home (hosing off kids, paying the bills, fixing the car, going to work, sending us packages, etc.), we are literally pining for home. Many of us, especially me, are thinking about all the idiotic things we said and did and all the good things we did not say and we did not do to and for you. When we get home, the greatest gift that a wife and husband can give to each other is themselves—-completely and honestly. I remind the guys here to try to tone it down and relate to their wives emotionally as well as physically. I would like to remind the wives that husbands tend to relate to their wives emotionally by relating to them physically. Well, I am beginning to blush and make myself nauseous, so I will leave the rest of this topic up to your imagination.

D Co.
I would like to let the folks who have loved ones in D Co. that I am trying to get out to visit them as soon as I can. They are in a location that is hard for me to catch a ride to, and they are with a unit that has a chaplain that is covering down on them. I do, however, want to see them. I know and hear that they are doing great things. And while I am not there in body, I am definitely there in spirit. They are in my daily prayers.

Armyspeak Word for the Week
BYOP (pronounced bye-op, op sounding like stop): short for Believe Your Own Pub. BYOP is another way to say prideful, sinfully prideful, as in “When the elite unit began to suffer from BYOP, they began to alienate all the other units around them.” This concept is closely related to “Institutional Arrogance.” See Enron.

Enough of my yammering. A big thank you to all who visit this site. I am trying to keep it fresh. Every day our guys continue to show why they are not only the best soldiers in the world but also the best people, and they would not be who they are without your love, support, prayers, and gratitude.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

SERMON OUTLINE 006--17 DEC 2006

2006-12-18T13:08:00.000+08:00

WHO HAS YOUR SIX?

Third Sunday in Advent
FOB PALIWODA
17DEC06

Scripture
Luke 3:7-18

Timeline
Luke 2:21-24 Christ is circumcised. Naming ceremony. Two doves are sacrificed (denoting that His parents were poor.
2:25-35 Simeon prophesizes about Jesus’ life.
2:36-38 Anna prophecies about Christ.
2:39-40 Christ returns to Nazareth.
2:41-50 Jesus lingers at the Temple after the Passover. Christ’s parents, though poor, always attend.
3:1-3 Dating the coming of John.
3:3 John’s ministry and message.
3:4-6 Preparing the way for Christ.
3:7-19 John’s message and arrest.
3:14 Soldiers be content with your wages.

I. Introduction

II. Taking God for Granted

John is not saying be perfect, but instead, be different

III. Christians are Fruitful, Not Fruitless

[1]

IV. Repentance PT

As we gradually gain more insight into ourselves, we are able, with God's grace, to find ways to resist habitual sin and grow in self-control. We gain strength bit by bit, like an athlete striving for the prize, as Paul said. Gradually we reclaim more and more of ourselves and offer it to God's transforming light. Thus the Holy Spirit works within us, sanctifying us from the inside out.
From the earliest centuries, Christians have identified certain practices that have been helpful to the "athlete in training." Here are some of them:
• Fasting. People are beset by different temptations, but everybody eats. Restricting foods—not necessarily a total fast, but simply declining favorites for a time—can be a way of strengthening the "willpower muscle" to be ready when needed to handle a bigger temptation. An athlete doesn't lift weights just so he can lift more weights. Those healthy muscles are ready for any situation he meets. Turn down a doughnut today, and tomorrow you might be able to resist calling the driver in front of you an idiot.
• Bite your tongue. Yes, not calling someone an idiot is a frequent theme in Scripture and early Christian writings. Both place great emphasis on controlling anger, perhaps as much as on sexual continence. Jesus said the penalty for calling your brother a fool was "the hell of fire." That includes people who can't hear you, like politicians on TV. It's not the harm to them that's at stake so much as the surging, disorienting pride in your own heart.
• Mind your thoughts. Jesus said that to commit adultery in the imagination is the equivalent of committing it in fact. Nearly all sins begin with thinking about sin. Control the thoughts and you have a good head start on behavior. You may not be able to keep thoughts from appearing, but you can decline to entertain them; birds fly overhead, but you don't have to let them nest in your hair. Paul counsels that we think about things that are true, lovely, gracious, excellent, and praiseworthy, so you might want to read some Dickens tonight instead of watching that sleazy sitcom.
• Practice humility. Humility is not the same as resisting the urge to show off (which is modesty) or denying that you have gifts and talents (which is lying). Humility is remembering that you have a beam in your eye. In every situation remember what God knows about you, and how much you have been forgiven. You might think you can fool people, but no matter how charming you appear, spiritually you have spinach in your teeth. Account yourself the "chief of sinners" and be gracious toward the failings of others. Overlook insults and be kind to those who misuse you. Be swift to admit when you're wrong. Ask others to forgive you, and forgive them without asking if you want God to forgive you.
• Pray constantly. Try always to recall that God is with you, dwelling in you. (This helps a great deal in controlling thoughts.) For more than 1,500 years, some Christians have tried to form the habit of praying, "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me" all the time, a kind of background music to other thoughts. It not only helps one resist more turbulent thoughts and deeds, but also creates a kind of mental foyer in which thoughts and impulses can be examined before they're allowed inside.
• Ask God to help you repent. We really don't want to do this and we find a million excuses to change the subject. Read stories about repentant saints, like John Newton, the slave dealer who wrote "Amazing Grace," or the once promiscuous Mary of Egypt. Those are reasonable models for you, not ivory-tower saints. Keep thinking of yourself as the Prodigal Son. Think over your deeds and conversations each evening and look for areas to improve. Read before bed every night. Someday you may actually believe it.[2]

V. Conclusion: Faithfulness is Fruitfulness

While working as a journalist for the Chicago Tribune, Lee Strobel was assigned to report on the struggles of an impoverished, inner-city family during the weeks leading up to Christmas. A devout atheist at the time, Strobel was mildly surprised by the family's attitude in spite of their circumstances:

The Delgados—-60-year-old Perfecta and her granddaughters, Lydia and Jenny—-had been burned out of their roach-infested tenement and were now living in a tiny, two-room apartment on the West Side. As I walked in, I couldn't believe how empty it was. There was no furniture, no rugs, nothing on the walls—-only a small kitchen table and one handful of rice. That's it. They were virtually devoid of possessions.
In fact, 11-year-old Lydia and 13-year-old Jenny owned only one short-sleeved dress each, plus one thin, gray sweater between them. When they walked the half-mile to school through the biting cold, Lydia would wear the sweater for part of the distance and then hand it to her shivering sister, who would wear it the rest of the way.
But despite their poverty and the painful arthritis that kept Perfecta from working, she still talked confidently about her faith in Jesus. She was convinced he had not abandoned them. I never sensed despair or self-pity in her home; instead, there was a gentle feeling of hope and peace.

Strobel completed his article, and then moved on to more high-profile assignments. But when Christmas Eve arrived, he found his thoughts drifting back to the Delgados and their unflinching belief in God's providence. In his words:

I continued to wrestle with the irony of the situation. Here was a family that had nothing but faith, and yet seemed happy, while I had everything I needed materially, but lacked faith—-and inside I felt as empty and barren as their apartment.

In the middle of a slow news day, Strobel decided to pay a visit to the Delgados. When he arrived, he was amazed at what he saw. Readers of his article had responded to the family's need in overwhelming fashion, filling the small apartment with donations. Once inside, Strobel encountered new furniture, appliances, and rugs; a large Christmas tree and stacks of wrapped presents; bags of food; and a large selection of warm winter clothing. Readers had even donated a generous amount of cash.

But it wasn't the gifts that shocked Lee Strobel, an atheist in the middle of Christmas generosity. It was the family's response to those gifts. In his words:

As surprised as I was by this outpouring, I was even more astonished by what my visit was interrupting: Perfecta and her granddaughters were getting ready to give away much of their newfound wealth. When I asked Perfecta why, she replied in halting English: "Our neighbors are still in need. We cannot have plenty while they have nothing. This is what Jesus would want us to do."
That blew me away! If I had been in their position at that time in my life, I would have been hoarding everything. I asked Perfecta what she thought about the generosity of the people who had sent all of these goodies, and again her response amazed me. "This is wonderful; this is very good," she said, gesturing toward the largess. "We did nothing to deserve this—it's a gift from God. But," she added, "It is not his greatest gift. No, we celebrate that tomorrow. That is Jesus."
To her, this child in the manger was the undeserved gift that meant everything—more than material possessions, more than comfort, more than security. And at that moment, something inside of me wanted desperately to know this Jesus—because, in a sense, I saw him in Perfecta and her granddaughters.
They had peace despite poverty, while I had anxiety despite plenty; they knew the joy of generosity, while I only knew the loneliness of ambition; they looked heavenward for hope, while I only looked out for myself; they experienced the wonder of the spiritual, while I was shackled to the shallowness of the material—and something made me long for what they had.
Or, more accurately, for the One they knew.[3]

B. This year, this time, this life, let us bear fruits worthy of repentance, of a life changed not for our sakes, but for His. For it is only by doing this, by sacrificing our life, by losing it to Him, that he can reach a harvest of people through our acts of faithfulness.

[1]Augustine of Hippo, Of the Dress and Habits of the Christian (Chapter 19), ccel.org.

[2]Copyright ©2002 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

[3]Lee Strobel, The Case for Christmas (Zondervan, 2005); submitted by Eugene Maddox, Palatka, Florida.

SERMON OUTLINE 005--10 DEC 2006

2006-12-16T13:02:00.001+08:00

ROUTE CLEARANCE

Second Sunday in Advent
FOB Paliwoda
10DEC06

Scripture
Luke 3:1-6
Malachi 3:1-4

Timeline
Luke 2:21-24 Christ is circumcised. Naming ceremony. Two doves are sacrificed (denoting that His parents were poor).
2:25-35 Simeon prophesizes about Jesus’ life.
2:36-38 Anna prophecies about Christ.
2:39-40 Christ returns to Nazareth.
2:41-50 Jesus lingers at the Temple after the Passover. Christ’s parents, though poor, always attend.
3:1-3 Dating the coming of John.
3:3 John’s ministry and message.
3:4-6 Preparing the way for Christ.
3:7-19 John’s message and arrest
3:14 Soldiers be content with your wages.

Malachi 3:1 God will send His messenger.
3:2 Who can endure His arrival?
3:3 He will purify the religious leaders so that their offering might be acceptable.
3:4 Offering is pleasant before the Lord.

I. Introduction

II. Stop Fixing the Wrong Path and Get On the Right One

Scent of a Woman

III. Despite Traveling on the Right Path, You May Still Need to Ask for Directions

[1]

IV. John Was a Spiritual Engineer

V. Conclusion: Preparation for the Cross

[1] Ben Johnson, Leadership, Vol. 2, no. 1

DIGIJOURNAL 008--13 DEC 2006

2006-12-14T13:31:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 13DEC06 PB PALIWODA

Hello from Paliwoda,

It has been far too long since I wrote my last journal entry. It seems like every time I want to get to it, something comes up—a drop-in counseling, a visit to a departing soldier, time spent with a section getting to know them, or just joking around with Paul. Over here, the hours, days, and weeks pass quickly, but the months seem to ooze by ever so slowly. We have come to the first difficult phase of the deployment. We have been here long enough to have some shared experiences, but we still have approxiamately ten more months to go. Couple this with the coming of Christmas, and both Paul and I wind up speaking to many guys and gals.

The other challenging thing is that we must remain focused on the basic battletasks that have, thank God, kept us safe so far. It is too easy to slip into a routine where we begin to cut corners. Our leaders maintain a vigilant watch over us so that we will not get casual, which often times means some “coaching, teaching, and mentoring” (Army-speak for butt-chewing) time for individual soldiers. However, our soldiers also need to hear that they are doing a good job. This is where Paul and I come in; we get to pass out the "attaboys." It also helps when we receive the tons of boxes from good folks like you. We use as much of the stuff as we can, we pass as much as we can to the Iraqi children, and we share as much as we can with our Iraqi Army and Police counterparts. Despite what we sometimes hear through the media, it is obvious that most Americans do support, pray for, and care for their troops.

Well, what follows is yet another stream-of-consciousness account of some of the not-so-important events in the life of the 3-8 Combined Arms Battalion.

No Sock Left Behind
We know that no soldier will be left behind on the battlefield. Well, I can now say that this extends to our feet coverings. In addition to leaving no man behind, we now will not leave any sock behind. Here at Paliwoda, some of our folks send out their laundry to Anaconda. But this involves travel by convoy (where it could get lost), being taken to the laundry facility (lost yet again), picked up from said laundry facility, and then brought back to the FOB. Add to this the fog of war, human forgetfulness, the wildly fluctuating length of time it can take for laundry to return, and the guys who have the basic combat load of uniforms can get either pretty stinky in their last uniform or be forced to walk around naked, both very undesirable options.

Fortunately, we do have some American type washers and dryers up here (hence our asking for laundry detergent). The problem with these machines, since they are American, is that they tend to eat our socks. Now, although socks are not very important for your FOB-dwelling chaplain, they are very important for your sand-pounding grunt. It is very hilarious to watch the TTPs (Tactics, Techniques, and Procedures) that guys will go through to ensure that no sock gets “left behind.” Short of climbing into the dryers themselves, they do just about everything else to police up the laundry battlefield. Still, due to good, ol’ American sock-eating dryer ingenuity, while we still have, thankfully, many clad soldiers, they are nonetheless walking around with only one sock per pair of feet.

PS-we can purchase socks at the PX down at Anaconda, so no soldiers' feet have been harmed in the writing of the above paragraphs. The soldiers do not need socks, really....but it is still amusing to see to what extent they will go to avoid mateless socks.

Mouse Jihad Scoreboard
The mouse Jihad continues, and, so far, the mice are winning. One of the mice ate the peanut butter off the trap without setting it off. Obviously we must change our TTPs to match the military preparedness of the vermin. It is bad when the mice wake you up in the middle of the night because they are holding a rave party in your empty duffle bag. Part of the problem is that the sheltered chaplain, me, had a difficult time figuring out and setting the trap (see headspace and timing paragraph in previous journal entry). Well, fortunately our UMT NCO, Paul, stepped in to help me with the trap. He prefers to hunt them down with a knife (so far unsuccessfully). I will keep you updated on the scoreboard. I am sure that you are checking this site repeatedly to find out how this other war is going.

TOC Cat
Despite the temporary setbacks in the mouse Jihad, we have been able to sway some of the local feline nationals to aid us in our battles. Last week, as we were going through the numerous boxes you have sent, Paul felt something rubbing on his left leg. Since getting your leg rubbed is definitely not something that happens over here, Paul jumped. He looked down and there sat, purring, an orange cat (with flea collar). The cat had walked into our room and made herself at home. Technically, we are not supposed to keep mascots, so if any general or sergeant major is reading this, we immediately expelled the cat from our room, notified higher, and kept a vigilant 24-hour watch to make sure we were not infiltrated again—sir/ma’am you can therefore stop reading this entry, and webpage while you are at it.

Paul reached down, scratched her neck, and she began her “I want tuna because I know you have it” dance. We took her outside, gave her some tuna, and when she was finished, like all good cats, she immediately blew us off and went out to search for a couple of more suckers.

Paul the Superhero
My wife, aside from being superhuman and taking pity on me by saying yes over twelve years ago, has taken my assistant, Paul Crnkovich, under her wing. Many of her packages have as much or more for CPL “I would like to buy a vowel” Crnkovich than they do for me. I think it has something to do with her understanding of how hard it is to have such a perfect human being for a roommate. Well, this Paul adoration has now spread to my children. Since Daddy does not carry a weapon and can therefore not protect himself, he has Paul the Superhero to protect him. Well, to a two and almost five-year-old, superheroes are much more cool and fun than, well, Dad. Consequently, Paul has now joined the pantheon of Batman, Spiderman, etc. I consider myself my wife’s favorite husband, so if it takes Paul being a superhero in order for me to get back home to her with all my digits attached and functioning, then Paul, you are my superhero, too.

Bob the Builder (SSG W)
Bob the Builder lives on our FOB. SSG W, a very funny guy from Indiana (who's been kind enough to stop in and ask me how I am doing) is our personal Bob the Builder. He is helping our soldiers do great things when it comes to position improvement (Army-speak for getting internet, bookshelves, anti-mortar T-walls, etc. set up around your living space). With his know-how combined with Joe (Army-speak for soldier) ingenuity, we have the place pretty livable. I will let you in on a little known fact that spans the ages of soldiering: give a soldier enough time and not only will his foxhole have overhead cover and concealment but will also have indoor plumbing and cable TV.

Christmas Trees
We have thus far received three Christmas trees. Thank you so much for the donations. Everyone has been very grateful, but the most grateful by far has been our Special Forces guys. They were so happy to receive a tree that they are going to put in on the roof of their villa, brace it with sandbags, and string it with lights. I will make sure to try to send a picture.

Operation Backpack
I met with CH K, my Iraqi chaplain counterpart, again this week. We usually spend about an hour talking shop over Chai tea. He was very proud to show me his new office and the chapel/mosque he was getting together. Our conversation turned to the school children of the local city. For awhile, the insurgents had been indiscriminately shelling the town. As you can understand, parents kept their children out of school for weeks. Since our IA counterparts were able to clear the outskirts of town of these terrorists, kids are now back in school. I asked CH K what their biggest need was.

Their greatest need is for backpacks. Since they cannot keep supplies at unsecured schools, the children have to lug everything (school supplies, books, lunch, etc.) to and from school. While we can get and have received school supplies, backpacks have been harder to come by. CH K and myself, in conjunction with our Civil Affairs Team and the Iraqi Army, would like to gather enough backpacks to deliver to at least one school (approx. 200 children per school, with over 20 schools within the town and greater suburbs).

If you are interested in donating some backpacks, you can mail them to my posted address. We will try to collect as many as we can, deliver them, and take plenty of pictures. Backpacks with neutral themes (e.g. Britney Spears bad, Mickey Mouse good) for 5-10 year-olds would be best.

Word of the Week
As I sign off, let me leave you with the 3-8 CAB word of the week provided by our Battalion Executive Officer. The word is…jackass-ery. As in, “life here could be easier without the usual jackass-ery of the insurgents.”

Thank You and God Bless
Serving with these soldiers continues to be a truly amazing experience. They are celebrities to me. While they are definitely human (they are tankers, grunts, and chaplains for that matter), their day-to-day courage and compassion continues to show that they are some of the best people in our society. I thank you for loving them, praying for them, and helping them remember how much support they have from back home.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 009--09 DEC 2006

2006-12-10T08:50:00.000+08:00

“Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends.”
John 15:13

Courage.

Courage is a word, like love, that has lost much of its meaning due to its overuse in our society. Of course, many people display courage in our communities: our emergency personnel, our police, and our fire-fighters all demonstrate examples of courage. Far too often, however, we only see acts of courage if they are on the big screen or in a book.

There are many kinds of courage--courage of convictions, maintained integrity, and faithfulness to our promises--but fortunately for most in our society we are safe enough, perhaps comfortable enough, to not have to make choices that might put our lives or the lives of our loved ones in danger. A problem soon develops as acts of personal courage grow less and less. We begin to forget they ever existed, unless they took place in history, years ago, in the good old days.

Many movies and television programs describe the acts of heroism and courage of the World War II “Greatest” Generation. Whether it is Saving Private Ryan, Band of Brothers, or Flags of Our Fathers, images of the courage of our grandfathers and grandmothers have bombarded popular culture. The great tragedy is that, in our adoration of the WWII era, we have overlooked the heroes from Korea, Vietnam, the First Gulf War, and the conflicts in between and that followed. Even today we read about some who question whether our soldiers were not coerced into serving or should not be held accountable for the commitment they made to the military. I think this says more about those who make these claims than about the soldiers, your soldiers, that I see living and working every day.

Let me share with you what I see.

I see men and women who, when they are putting up with the normal and inevitable frustration of daily Army life, nevertheless do not murmur one complaint when they are asked to do the most challenging and dangerous parts of their mission. I see a mechanic who works 24 hours straight in order to get a piece of equipment up and running and safe so that soldiers can go outside the wire and do their mission. I see cooks who, without being asked or told, spend the extra time with their limited resources to make sure that not only the visiting generals but our enlisted men and women can have a better meal than what is required or expected. I see young lieutenants planning, waiting, and learning, going out every day with their platoons, making sure that they are trained and prepared for whatever the enemy might deal to them. I see a medic take the extra time with a local Iraqi so that we might be able to help their young baby recover from a serious infection. I see a communications soldier spending time learning about a brand new piece of equipment in order to make sure that we can talk to one another on the battlefield. During the typical (no soldier's day is average) day, I see so many acts of courage that it is hard to list all of them.

This past week, I watched with worry and trembling as one of our companies departed on a very serious and dangerous mission. CPL Paul Crnkovich, my chaplain assistant, and myself tried to visit with every soldier before he or she left. Whether it was a word of prayer, a joke, or just some quiet conversation we offered, in the time spent with them, they did more for me than I could possibly do for them.

Some have asked me why, after an eleven year absence, I came back on active duty. As a pastor I believed and still believe that the Lord called both me and my family to serve our fine soldiers, and to be able to minister to and with them is a tremendous honor. But what is truly awe-inspiring, what confirms that God has given me countless blessings, is watching our soldiers display on a daily basis the kind of courage that, unfortunately for some, has all but been forgotten. No one will ever be able to take away from them or from you the reverence I and most Americans have for your sacrifices, your dedication, and your service. I thank you all.

Gratia et Veritas,
Chaplain Kevin Wainwright

SERMON OUTLINE 004--26 NOV 2006

2006-12-06T02:14:00.000+08:00

LOOK UP and LIFT UP YOUR HEADS

First Sunday in Advent
FOB Paliwoda
03DEC06

Scripture
Luke 21:25-36

Timeline
Luke 21:5-7 By what sign will we see the destruction of the Temple?
21:8-9 Many will be deceived by false signs.
21:10-19 Nation will rise against nation, believers will be persecuted.
21:20-24 Jerusalem destroyed, v22 “For these are the days of vengeance.”
21:25-28 Signs in heaven and on earth, men’s hearts will fail because of the fearful expectation of things to come. They will fear the Son of Man, but you need to be hopeful.
21:29-33 Look for the signs, in my Words
21:34-36 Be ready, watch and pray

I. Introduction

II. Gather Intelligence....From the Right Sources

[1]

III. Prep the Battlefield...of Our Hearts and Minds

Be Ready

Band of Brothers

Be Looking

Be Willing

IV. Looking Toward Christmas...and the Crucifixion

V. Conclusion: Faith, Hope, & Love

It is said that Satan once called to him the emissaries of hell and said he wanted to send one of them to earth to aid women and men in the ruination of their souls. He asked which one would want to go.
One creature came forward and said, "I will go."
Satan said, "If I send you, what will you tell the children of men?"
He said, "I will tell the children of men that there is no heaven."
Satan said, "They will not believe you, for there is a bit of heaven in every human heart. In the end everyone knows that right and good must have the victory. You may not go."
Then another came forward, darker and fouler than the first.
Satan said, "If I send you, what will you tell the children of men?"
He said, "I will tell them there is no hell."
Satan looked at him and said, "Oh, no; they will not believe you, for in every human heart there's a thing called conscience, an inner voice which testifies to the truth that not only will good be triumphant, but that evil will be defeated. You may not go."
Then one last creature came forward, this one from the darkest place of all.
Satan said to him, "And if I send you, what will you say to women and men to aid them in the destruction of their souls?"
He said, "I will tell them there is no hurry."
Satan said, "Go!"[2]

[1] Sidney S. Macaulay, quoted in CMDS Journal (Spring 1992), Christianity Today, Vol. 36, no. 9.

[2]Bruce Thielemann, "Tide Riding," Preaching Today, No. 30; submitted by Kevin A. Miller, Wheaton, Illinois.

DIGIJOURNAL 007--03 DEC 2006

2006-12-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 03DEC06 PB PALIWODA

Greetings from my adventure vacation in Iraq,

Before I say anything, I want to thank you for the tons of boxes you have sent to our soldiers and the Iraqi children. We have been overwhelmed. No matter how many times soldiers receive boxes, they always light up when they get a new one—not just for the stuff inside but because, especially in these uncertain foreign policy times, it means that we have not been forgotten. The little Christmas trees were a big hit, and we have put up our first big one in our Headquarters Company common area. Our women soldiers especially want to thank those who sent boxes for them. It cannot be easy living away from family in the boy’s locker room. I know they volunteered, but sometimes we men can act like Neanderthals (shocking). The books, especially the new releases, were also popular. It might be surprising to some (i.e. the esteemed Senator from Massachusetts) to know that we have many discerning readers, scholars, and intellectuals in uniform. They come from all ranks. Yesterday, in the midst of some frustration over the inanities of the bad guys, a corporal chided me for indulging too much of the thanatos (warlike) side of my personality. I did not know how to respond, so I made him do pushups, further inflaming his criticism of me.

I am trying to keep on top of the Wall of Blessings, writing thank you notes, and tracking boxes. Inevitably there will be some miscounts or misplaced notes. I usually and briefly go through the boxes before we pass them out, so if you have any questions about what has arrived, send them my way. I will address things in my usual bullet comments. Thank you again for your prayers, support, and love. Take care.

No Fear
Many may wonder what a chaplain goes through during a major mission. Well, myself and my assistant, CPL Paul “buy me a vowel” Crnkovich (Sern-ko-vich), visit with the guys before they roll. We have a word of prayer with those who want it, and generally tell them how honored and amazed we are by their courage and strength. I cannot describe how it feels to watch a young specialist or sergeant gear up and get going out to face the bad guys. Rarely do our soldiers complain, and certainly never when they are preparing for or doing the most dangerous part of their jobs. I also go through the usual guilt complex by not going out with them (we sometimes go out on the “safer” missions), but I remind myself that I am no longer an artilleryman but a chaplain who needs to be at the aid station. I say this, and it answers my intellectual worries but not my heart. Like fretting parents, Crnkovich and I usually hover between the Tactical Operations Center and the Aid Station, monitoring what is happening, doing A LOT of praying, and generally worrying. We usually do not sleep. We hear the sound of the track before we can see them driving in, and I feel like waiting at the gate and hugging each one of them as they come in, which is out-of-character because I live by the principle of “no touchy.” We do not relax until all the noses have been counted and all the sheep are in the fold. The missions make for long nights, but it does not matter when all the dirty, tired, yet smiling faces come back to base.

Church
We have several guys who came to church this morning after being up for 24 hours running a mission. Our music director is a NCO in the infantry, and he came to church, led worship, and then went straight off to guard duty. I mention this so next time, when I feel a little tired, or cranky, or just not “ready” to go to church, I will remember what these guys went through just to go on this day.

Attendance in worship is small and variable depending on what missions are underway. The vast majority of soldiers that I spend time with doing chaplain things are not churchgoers. In a way, every day is Sunday and every moment sacred when you minister in a war zone. Our soldiers get very spiritual during these deployments, for they find themselves having to find answers to those difficult questions all young people try to ignore. This is why personal devotional time is so important. One of my mentors called in mining, for you never know what nugget of Scripture might purchase a treasure many years down the line. I also do not mind the smaller worship sizes (from what I was used to as a pastor). I never liked “scoreboard” theology (the more people in worship, the better you must be), and our fellowship is closer in many ways because of our small number and what we are all going through.

Medics
Please keep our medics in your prayers. Of all our soldiers, they, like our emergency room medical personnel back at home, face the most human trauma. They are treating seriously wounded Iraqi Army and Police forces on a daily basis. One of them mentioned to me that they never get used to it. Again, courage over here is so commonplace, and it is an overused term at home, that it is difficult to take it all in and understand what obstacles our guys and gals overcome every day. The medics are truly heroes.

Lieutenants
We had a gaggle, crop, bunch, etc. (chose your favorite descriptor) of lieutenants get promoted from 2LT to 1LT. Being a 2LT is a hard job. I once heard a first sergeant sum up a popular attitude when he said that all a 2LT is is an overpaid private. While I understand that sentiment, I would have to disagree. These LTs face greater challenges than I ever did as a combat arms LT. My biggest worry during the first six months I was in my first unit was who was going to pick up my mail while I was out on my two week field problem. LTs today know they are going into combat almost as soon as the graduate from the basic course. Every commander has remarked that their LTs have really stepped up and met the huge challenge of being responsible for many soldiers in situations where bullets fly. Add to this the personal worries of loved ones, pregnant wives, and young children, and these 22-27 year-olds still go out and function. Again, I live in the company of heroes.

Props to the Red Sox
As a New York Yankee fan, it pains me greatly to make a favorable report about the Boston Red Sox. One of our senior NCOs and his family are huge Red Sox fans. Permit me to be specific. I was visiting his young daughter, who was sick in the Darnall (Ft. Hood) Hospital. The first time I went she was sleeping, and I had a chance to speak with his wife, a very kind woman (demonstrating that, despite being a Red Sox fan, our NCO must have intelligence since he married way up). The next time I visited, his daughter was awake and doing much better. Somehow the conversation with her and her mother became involved in baseball, and I casually mentioned that I was a Yankee fan. You would have thought I had uttered a blasphemy. Right away their smiles went to frowns, and almost immediately the young girl started hazing me about Johnny Damon (the former Red So(ck) now current Yankee). Needless to say, it was "game on" at this point, and all chaplain professionalism and compassion went out the window. I tried to battle back, but I felt like a novice facing true believers as both the mother and the daughter buried me under a mound of statistics and taunting. I was forsaken.

The mom then began to explain how both she and her husband were huge fans, obviously, and how the Red Sox run to the eventual World Series Championship had kept their hopes up during his first deployment to Iraq. She wrote a letter to some Boston area newspapers telling about their story, and Curt Schilling (famous Red Sox pitcher) found out. He began emailing her, her husband, and sending care packages. Fast forward to this deployment. This soldier just received five boxes from Curt, yes the Curt Schilling. Now, whatever you might think about him and his opinions, he did a great thing. How many people know about this? Does he brag about this? No. Instead he lifts the spirits of a family who is spending another Christmas Season apart. It absolutely kills me to say this, but I must admit my admiration for this athlete, despite his misguided team loyalty.

Signing Off
Well, I must be getting to the gym to fight my fat potential. God bless all of you.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

SERMON OUTLINE 003--19 NOV 2006

2006-12-01T15:13:00.000+08:00

CHARACTERISTICS of a CHRISTIAN WARRIOR
Grace

FOB Paliwoda
19NOV06

I. Introduction: Seeking Grace

A. Building up to a conclusion

B. Challenges in the military

C. The world as our reflection

II. What is grace?

A. How one person saw the world…

15 When Joseph’s brothers saw that their father was dead, they said, “Perhaps Joseph will hate us, and may actually repay us for all the evil which we did to him.” 16 So they sent messengers to Joseph, saying, “Before your father died he commanded, saying, 17 ‘Thus you shall say to Joseph: “I beg you, please forgive the trespass of your brothers and their sin; for they did evil to you.” ’ Now, please, forgive the trespass of the servants of the God of your father.” And Joseph wept when they spoke to him.
18 Then his brothers also went and fell down before his face, and they said, “Behold, we are your servants.”
19 Joseph said to them, “Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. 21 Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.” And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them. Genesis 50:15-21

B. Revenge or Mercy?

C. Grace is holding the destiny, the life of your enemy in your hand, but forgiving him like a brother. Illustration: In the book Bono: In Conversation with Michka Assaya, the lead singer and songwriter for the rock group U2 makes an explicit confession of faith: "It's a mind-blowing concept that the God who created the universe might be looking for company, a real relationship with people, but the thing that keeps me on my knees is the difference between grace and karma." Saying that the idea of karma is central to all religions, Bono explained:

What you put out comes back to you: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, or in physics—in physical laws—every action is met by an equal or an opposite one. It's clear to me that karma is at the very heart of the universe. I'm absolutely sure of it. And yet, along comes this idea called grace to upend all that "as you reap, so you will sow" stuff. Grace defies reason and logic. Love interrupts, if you like, the consequences of your actions, which in my case is very good news indeed, because I've done a lot of stupid stuff….It doesn't excuse my mistakes, but I'm holding out for grace. I'm holding out that Jesus took my sins onto the cross, because I know who I am, and I hope I don't have to depend on my own religiosity.

III. What are its conditions?

36 Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.” 37 And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. 38 Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”
39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”
40 Then He came to the disciples and found them sleeping, and said to Peter, “What! Could you not watch with Me one hour? 41 Watch and pray, lest you enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
42 Again, a second time, He went away and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if this cup cannot pass away from Me unless I drink it, Your will be done.” 43 And He came and found them asleep again, for their eyes were heavy.
44 So He left them, went away again, and prayed the third time, saying the same words. 45 Then He came to His disciples and said to them, “Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand, and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners. 46 Rise, let us be going. See, My betrayer is at hand.” Matthew 26:36-46

A. Grace usually follows after a painful experience.

B. Grace will always be associated with pain because a necessary precondition of grace is sin.

"Who didn't make it out?"

"Oh, that's easy," answered Stockdale. "The optimists."

"The optimists? I don't understand," responded Collins.

"The optimists. Oh, they were the ones who said, 'We're going to be out by
Christmas.' And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they'd say, 'We're going to be out by Easter.' And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart. This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."

IV. What are we to do with grace?

A. If we have received God’s grace, how should we respond?

B. Do we create an environment that allows God’s love to ripple outwards toward the world, or do we try to dam up and limit its reach?

V. Conclusion

A. Prepare our hearts for the coming of the Lord. Illustration: Preparing the soil-Author J. R. R. Tolkien once wrote in a letter: “No man can estimate what is really happening at the present. All we do know, and that to a large extent by direct experience, is that evil labors with vast power and perpetual success—in vain: preparing always only the soil for unexpected good to sprout in.”

B. This Thursday, in America and on bases throughout Iraq and Afghanistan, we will celebrate Thanksgiving. As we have gone about are daily struggles that come with a deployment to a combat zone, have we stopped to take the time to see where God is working in our lives? Have stopped to give thanks for the simple yet important things that allow us to experience His joy?

C. When you look at the world, what do you see? Illustration: A man whom many believe was the greatest American president is a good example. When he was 7 years of age, his family was forced out of their home, and he went to work. When he was 9, his mother died. He lost his job as a store clerk when he was 20. He wanted to go to law school, but he didn't have the education. At age 23 he went into debt to be a partner in a small store. Three years later the business partner died, and the resulting debt took years to repay. When he was 28, after courting a girl for four years, he asked her to marry him, and she turned him down. On his third try he was elected to Congress, at age 37, but then failed to be re-elected. His son died at 4 years of age. When this man was 45, he ran for the Senate and lost. At age 47 he ran for the vice-presidency and lost. But at age 51 he was elected president of the United States.

The man was Abraham Lincoln, a man who learned to face discouragement and move beyond it. Did you know that it was Abraham Lincoln who, in the midst of the Civil War, in 1863, established the annual celebration of Thanksgiving? Lincoln had learned how important it is to stop and thank God in the midst of great difficulties.

D. What did God do when He looked at His world? The Season of Advent, the arrival of the Messiah, is upon us.

DIGIJOURNAL 006--28 NOV 2006

2006-12-01T14:38:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 28NOV06 PB O'RYAN

Hello everyone,

I am visiting our soldiers here at PB O’Ryan. They are in very good spirits. One thing I have consistently noticed is how every soldier, regardless of rank, has stepped up their performance since arriving here in country. As I walk around the base, soldiers are busy everywhere fixing things, doing maintenance, or getting ready for a patrol. They are motivating. I am reminded, usually when I am wondering why I am here, what an honor it is to serve and work alongside of such amazing people.

What follows below are some observations over the past couple of days.

Headspace and Timing
Soldiers use the above term to describe the adjustment that they must make on the .50 cal machine gun to account for wear of the firing mechanism. If it is not constantly checked, the rounds will jam as the ammo belt goes through the feed tray. It is also used to describe when a soldier makes a bonehead move. Well, I had a headspace and timing issue the other day. Paul and I both have lately been suffering from insomnia, probably due to many things, but the mice using our rooms as an autobahn does not help (more on that later). It grew bad enough for me to visit the doc at the aid station. He gave me some low strength sleep meds, and I felt satisfied that the issue was solved. Unfortunately, for the next two days, I still had trouble sleeping. I got so fed up that I was going to go back to the doc to try something else. I complained about it to Paul (who just rolled his eyes), but when I went to my shelf where I keep my meds I made an interesting discovery: Tylenol and the sleep meds look remarkably similar. I had placed the two pill-filled, Ziploc bags next to one another. Thus, I have made the medical discovery that regular Tylenol in no way helps put one to sleep. After my extended rant to Paul, I sheepishly told him what had happened. I could read what he wanted but was too nice to say in the imaginary cartoon bubble above his head. I had had what soldiers would call a headspace and timing problem.

Jihad Declared Against the Rodents
Mice have infiltrated Patrol Base Paliwoda, specifically the chapel complex. Since you have been so generous with your boxes, they figured that they needed their cut as well. My main issue is not so much that they are vermin that spread disease, but that they are so bold and brazen. My wife had sent me a bag of pistachios, which I love, that I had sitting next to my computer. I was working on something, munching away, when I set the bag down in close proximity. I worked for about ten more minutes when I heard a rustling in the bag. Apparently Iraqi mice also love pistachios. The little rat was practically on his back, rubbing his belly, munching away. Fretting about collateral damage, I did not try to pound the bag since it was so close to the number one, chaplain combat multiplier—the coffee maker. For the next several days the mice invited their buddies to hang out in our room, scuttling about at all hours of the night, driving us crazy to the point that Paul, my chaplain assistant, was chasing them around with a knife. The last straw was when, suffering from the aforementioned insomnia, I was working on my sermon and one of the mice practically came up to me to ask if he could help. I wondered what the feral cats were doing that live outside the chapel, but they are too busy getting fat eating the tuna and other kibble that our soldiers feed them. We were able to bum a mousetrap from our S2. It is at this point, acting as the high priest of Dunlopistan (our commander is LTC Dunlop), that I issued a fatwa against the infidel mice. My dark acolyte, Paul, immediately went to work waging our jihad against the vermin. We had eliminated one just an hour after we set the trap (the trick being to bait it with peanut butter and not cheese). Archangel Household 6 (my wife’s call sign) should be sending us some traps from the mother ship (code for Wal-Mart/Sam’s/Target Boutique). The mice better enjoy their time, because they are going down.

Thank You for the Boxes
Let me share with you how much it means to our soldiers when you send a box with a note in it. We have some new members on our MiTT team (which I think stands for Military Training Team). They help to train our Iraqi Army counterparts and act as liaisons between them and us. One of these new soldiers is an E-7 (Sergeant First Class, i.e. an higher ranking NCO). He is an older guy who has been very helpful. He was able to get a bed for Paul, who had been sleeping on a cot. (Sleeping on a cot, you say, well I must be a mean chaplain. Except I offered Paul a bed, and in keeping with his monastic character, he said he preferred a cot. I responded by saying that it would make me look like a jerk with him sleeping in a cot and me on a bed. To which the Dark Acolyte responded with the challenge that it was really all about me then. At this point I gave up, succumbed to his jedi mind-trick, and went about my business, knowing that, if he could, everything that he owned would be OD [olive drab] green). Anyway, I gave this NCO a box and five letters for a soldier from folks back at home. The next day he came by the chapel to ask if I could decipher an email address. I did, and, thinking that he was only going to respond to one of the cards, asked him how he liked the box, to which I received this response. He said that he was writing everyone back because this was the first time he ever received a box from someone. I knew he had been in Bosnia, and I shared my surprise that this was the first box. He added that not only did he not receive any boxes in Bosnia, but he did not get a box the entire year he was in VIETNAM!!! He then added that all he ever got was people throwing trash on him when he deplaned in the States coming home from his Vietnam tour. I could not say much after that. A box may be a small thing, and it is a hassle to put it together and stand in line to mail it. However, never underestimate how the Holy Spirit can take anything, any small seed we sow, and make it a huge tree. On behalf of that vet, I thank you for making his day.

Medical Supplies
Our engineer company commander and some of our civil affairs folks have asked me to ask you for any excess medical supplies you might have. We have several health clinics in the area, and, due to some bureaucratic inefficiencies, they have had a hard time getting even basic stuff. We would like to get something to pass out to them. What I had in mind was just the necessities: bandages, band-aides, gauze, gloves, masks, etc. Obviously we could not receive controlled substances, but even basic, over the counter meds like aspirin, Tylenol, vitamins, pepto, etc. would be good. Before anyone purchases anything, I know some hospitals and doctor’s offices can only keep things for a certain length of time. I do not know what they do with the stuff when it gets old. I also think that there are trial sizes of things that folks might be able to get. Anyway, it is another request, and you have already been so generous. If you feel moved to get some medical items, we could definitely use them.

Signing Off
I must be going to dinner. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Life here is good as we "Live the Legend" (The First Cavalry Division’s motto). We have been very blessed, and we are thankful for your prayers. Take care.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 005--25 NOV 2006

2006-12-01T14:21:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 25NOV06 PB PALIWODA

Dear Friends,

Much has happened since my last entry, so much in fact that I do not know how to put it all together. In order to make it simple for everyone, I will try to list things, in no particular order, in bullet format.

Thanksgiving
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving at Patrol Base (PB) Paliwoda. It was great for two reasons: (1) our cooks and not contractors made turkey, ribs, steak, ham, greens, green beans, shrimp cocktail, fried shrimp, pies, ice cream, mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, yams, stuffing, gravy, bread, and other things I cannot remember (2) we spent it with our other family, our Army family. I never get too down when I spend an important holiday away from home. I have spent so many away from my family that I have lost count, but no one should feel sorry for me. I get my motivation from watching how other soldiers come together to help one another out. There is a long-standing tradition that the officers and senior enlisted serve the troops on special days. Myself, the commander (LTC Kevin Dunlop aka “The Long Man”), and the S3 (MAJ James Throckmorton) served. I had the stuffing, mashed potatoes, and gravy, which few soldiers were taking. I assured them that they contained zero calories and carbs, and then I shamed their sense of patriotism for not having stuffing. As always, they found it rather easy to blow off the chaplain. I had fun, got a few laughs, and gained more esteem for our cooks. The other nice thing about Thanksgiving is that everyone was an American for a day. We invited our Iraqi Army counterparts, our interpreters, and our local shop owner to join us. They loved the food, although they were hesitant at first. At least I was able to get them to eat the stuffing.

Christmas Trees
I am tracking that three full-size Christmas trees are on the way for our soldiers. If anyone would like to speak for any more, we could use four more full-size trees with the lights and decorations. We have a Special Forces detachment that lives on our base. They are out of Florida, and I told them that I would try to get them a tree. We have a Civil Affairs detachment that lives near us, a military training team out of Arkansas that works with the Iraqi Army, and our First Sergeant would like a tree to put outside in the common areas. I know it is asking for a great deal, but if someone feels motivated it would be greatly appreciated.

NYFD
Our Civil Affairs detachment is out of NYC. CPT Anthony Coppola is in charge. He is a great guy and a Fordham grad. He also gets the sympathy vote for being one month away from ever being recalled again when Uncle Sugar called him up, putting his life and wedding on hold. He is obnoxious, hilarious, professional, and a great guy to have around. He told me that DeWitt Clinton High School (where my Dad went) is right across from Fordham. (Dad, is that correct?) The team’s most fascinating member is SGT Cummins, a 43 year old Irishman who came to NYC when he was 22. SGT Cummins has been a member of the NYFD for eleven years, and he was there when the Towers went down. He lost 17 guys from his firehouse, and the only reason he did not perish was that he stopped at the firehouse before heading downtown. He wanted to be in Iraq to help the people, which says a great deal about him and the community that produced him. I sat for four hours, drinking tea, listening to his stories. He is like Forrest Gump--he has met everyone and done everything.

IEDed
I would define the trifecta of combat experience over here like this: receiving direct fire (i.e. gunfire), indirect fire (mortars), and an Improvised Explosive Device. During my last tour, fortunately, I neither encountered an IED attack nor received direct fire, and, while I was not the most traveled guy in the battalion, I did get out quite a bit. I did witness the impact of an incoming mortar attack. The closest blast was 250 meters away, thus, with the effective blast radius of a mortar usually being fifty meters, I was not in any great danger. Paul and I get out a great deal because we have soldiers in three different locations. We try to make visits every week. During our last trip down to LSA Anaconda, a terrorist detonated an IED between the vehicle in front of us and our vehicle. Again, we were blessed, because no one was hurt and no vehicle incurred damage. We responded according to our training, and the combat patrol leadership did a good job of doing the right things. The entire thing was rather surreal. The bomb (probably a mortar shell) left a five foot crater in the road. My prayer is that I do not complete the trifecta during this tour.

Boxes and More Boxes
Thank you, thank you, and thank you to all who have been sending us stuff. We have been able to get it distributed to our soldiers. I am taking pictures, but you should see the faces of our guys when I come around. Pretty soon they are going to start calling me Santa. I always stress that the stuff is not because of me but because of you. What really touches them is that they have not been forgotten, no matter what they read or hear in the news.

Chaplain Kamal
Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet my counterpart in the Iraqi Army, CH Kamal. He is the only chaplain in the Iraqi Army. We sat down to chai tea (which I could drink forever) and discussed things that we could do together in our area. He is a Shia, and we talked about that as well. While some in the media may paint a picture of the Shia and Sunni at each other’s throats, the truth is somewhat more complex. CH Kamal said that the two groups have lived peacefully side by side for decades. They have intermarried and work in the same places. Some even worship in the same mosques together. This internecine warfare is really a glorified land and power grab that has little to do with religion (see Northern Ireland). The outside insurgents want to stir up trouble between the communities. Our job is to prevent that from happening while showing the Iraqis how they can protect themselves. I look forward to more chats with him and the possibility of he and I doing some local service projects together.

Lunch with the "Long Man"
Our battalion commander is 6’4” tall. When he stands next to the Iraqis, he looks like a giant, and, because of this, they have begun to refer to him as “The Long Man.” Two weeks ago I volunteered Paul and me for a combat patrol into the city of Balad, a primarily Shia city very friendly to us. When we arrived, Warhorse 6 (WH6 is the radio call sign for our commander) drafted me to be his “aide” so I could jump in with him on the lunch. We were at the radio station where he delivered his weekly address. I had taken off my cross, trying to look captain-ish, but WH6 kept referring to me as “chaplain,” blowing my cover. After the address and the obligatory meet and greet with the local city council, we sat down for a huge, 10 dish, home-made Iraqi meal. I have mentioned in previous letters about how hospitable the Iraqis can be. I also mentioned the customs of eating out of a communal dish, washing your hands after you eat, and breaking apart your neighbor’s food and handing it to them. Well, since I was still recovering from the food poisoning I contracted the last time I ate (it was the fresh vegetables washed in Iraqi water), I tried to slip away, but the Long Man snagged me. We sat down, and I tried to remember the lag time between eating and the gastrointestinal nightmare that inevitably follows, hoping I would get back in time to take some Imodium (by the way, whoever invented the stuff should get the Noble Prize). The problem with me is that I love Middle Eastern food, and these dished were prepared by the councilmen’s wives. They did something unusual in that they gave us spoons. As I was sitting there eating away, contented by my lot in life, the Long Man leaned over and gave me the instructions that would make this meal an even more interesting, dynamic experience. For you see, I am very left handed when it comes to eating, and I eat left handed, but in Arab culture the left hand is the unclean hand (I leave it to your imagination in the land of no toilet paper how that appendage received its designation). If you eat communally, the left hand is a no-no. So in one simple movement of the spoon from my left hand to my right, I went from a dexterous, suave, “European” style foodie to my two year old son. As I attempted to use my right hand, I found myself dribbling rice all over the place. The only solution I could come up with was to lift the spoon, hold it steady, and then move my whole head towards the spoon to take a bite. While our hosts were gracious, I am sure they thought, in the words of my Command Sergeant Major, that I “had done lost my mind.” After the meal, we adjourned for chai tea, which I drank while ignoring the rumblings in my stomach, and I watched WH6 “dance like a butterfly and sting like a bee” while he spoke with the council. After a few hours, we returned to base (and in time for Mr. IM), and I watched Paul and he watched me, expecting me to disintegrate into a whimpering pile of jelly, wanting my blankie and my mommie. I must say that I enjoyed the afternoon, and I am very fortunate to have a commander who includes me in his activities and, more importantly, supports my ministry.

Signing Off
Well, I have spent too much time already writing this. I should be working on my sermon. You are too gracious for reading all my blab and rant. Please keep our soldiers and the Iraqi people in your prayers. They are doing great things. And we thank you for your support.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 008--21 NOV 2006

2006-11-25T03:08:00.000+08:00

“Joseph said to them, ‘Do not be afraid, for am I in the place of God? 20 But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people alive. Now therefore, do not be afraid; I will provide for you and your little ones.’ And he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.”
Genesis 50:19-21

Joseph wrote these words in response to his older brothers who were concerned for their safety and the safety of their children. They had reason to be afraid. Joseph had been rather bold as a youth, even to the point of sharing with his brothers the dreams he had about his family. In these dreams, it was apparent that Joseph one day would be the most powerful and influential of them all. Well, as you can imagine, this did not sit too well with his ten older siblings. One day, after traveling a great distance, Joseph met them in the fields where they were tending to their father Jacob’s flocks. Evil got the better of the older brothers, and after deciding against murdering Joseph, they instead sold him into slavery.

Thus began an interesting chain of events for the brash young man. Once he his father’s favorite, he now found himself traveling in a caravan on his way to the slave markets in Egypt. Sold to an important member of the king’s, or Pharaoh’s, staff, Joseph grew in stature until his boss’s wife made a pass at him that he refused. The spurned woman turned on Joseph and accused him of attacking her. Betrayed once again, Joseph found himself thrown in prison, probably thankful for his life, and hanging out with Pharaoh’s chief baker and butler, who were in trouble with the king. One thing led to another, and because of Joseph’s ability to interpret dreams, he found himself placed before Pharaoh to explain the king’s dreams. Giving all the credit to God, Joseph correctly interpreted the dreams; and, impressed by the youth’s connection with God, Pharaoh made him his second in command, placing him in charge of the collection of surplus crops in order to prepare for the coming famine, the famine Joseph correctly predicted from the dreams.

Meanwhile, Joseph’s very guilty brothers had returned to their father. They lied to him and told him that a wild animal attacked his son. Heartbroken and inconsolable, their father was never the same. When famine gripped the land, they traveled to Egypt, for they heard that the wise Pharaoh had stored food to sell. When they met Joseph again, they did not recognize their brother, but he recognized them. Now was an interesting time in the history of Israel, in the history of the world. Would Joseph seek revenge, or would he seek mercy?

As we read from the above passage, after testing his brothers, Joseph granted mercy and did not seek vengeance. Vengeance, like all lies, entices those who seek her with the promise of satisfaction and justice. Lies are just the truth slightly twisted, and this lie is no different. Retribution is a self-breeding vice, a journey down a path that never ends. As soldiers, we have seen the effects of vengeance and its wicked offspring of mistrust, hatred, and bitterness. As soldiers, we are facing the giant task of teaching in both word and deed that the way things in Iraq have been done in the past is not the way it has to be.

One of the most important qualities of our nation’s soldiers, your family members, is that they day after day still bring a sense of hope to their vocation: hope for themselves and the Iraqi people. To be sure, we have cynics in our ranks, but, for the most part, the vast majority of us hopes and secretly prays that our attempt to sow peace will take root and grow.

I spoke with soldiers at Patrol Base (PB) O’Ryan, and they shared with me how impressed they were with their Iraqi Army counterparts. They told me of the Iraqis' desire to learn and to execute their mission to do the dangerous and important work to keep their country safe. Our soldiers had seen their Iraqi neighbors weep for joy when they heard that Saddam was convicted of his genocidal war crimes. The tears were not for vengeance, but shed in hopes that, in the words of one of the Iraqi soldiers, “my children will one day play on the streets of my hometown, play without fear, just as I did thirty years ago as a young boy.”

We have heard many voices openly questioning our resolve and our need to stay in Iraq. Our military families, with the numerous deployments to our war zones, have paid a high price for the service their family members render. With all the negative things we hear, it would be easy to lose hope not only for the future but to become jaded about what we have already done.

I have heard many times and have come to believe that the way we see the world is only a reflection of our own values. If we are constantly plotting on how to get ahead and scheming against others, then we will see the world as an untrustworthy, unhappy place. I asked some of our soldiers how they see the world around them, here, in Iraq. Do we see it through the eyes of those who have called our sacrifice in vain, or do we see it through the eyes of Joseph, a man who despite all the evil that had been done to him, despite the numerous reasons he had to doubt and disbelieve, still saw God’s hand and mercy working in and through the very people who had betrayed him?

Permit me to share with you a true story about another man who had every reason to seek vengeance and to grow weary and cynical about the world around him. As a boy of 7 years, his family was forced out of their home, and he went to work. When he was 9, his mother died. He lost his job as a store clerk when he was 20. He wanted to go to law school, but he didn't have the education. At age 23 he went into debt to be a partner in a small store. Three years later the business partner died, and the resulting debt took years to repay.

When he was 28, after courting a girl for four years, he asked her to marry him, and she turned him down. On his third try he was elected to Congress, at age 37, but then failed to be re-elected. His son died at 4 years of age. When this man was 45, he ran for the Senate and lost. At age 47 he ran for the vice-presidency and lost. But at age 51 he was elected president of the United States.

The man was Abraham Lincoln, a man who learned to face discouragement and move beyond it. Did you know that it was Abraham Lincoln who, in the midst of the Civil War, in 1863, established the annual celebration of Thanksgiving? Lincoln had learned how important it is to stop and thank God in the midst of great difficulties.

What do we have to be thankful for on this day?

I will close with this thought. I asked our soldiers, I ask myself every day, do we look for God in this place? Well, I would like to turn this question around. How does God see us, this world, Ft. Hood, or Iraq?

Perhaps we can find the answer in the first Sunday after Thanksgiving. It begins the Christian season of Advent, meaning arrival. God saw the world and came as a child, a child without power, importance, or wealth. As a child He, too, would flee to Egypt with those in power already beginning to seek His life. God then, and now, did not and has not lost hope for this world, even though we at times might. He still sees those war-torn areas, where there is every reason to despair, and He still comes.

Because of faith, we still have reason to hope. Because of His promises, we do not have to despair. And even in this place, with towns like Balad, Ad Dujayl, Baghdad, and Mosul, we can still see that, while some might have given up hope for the future, He still is coming, working, seeking to sow peace.

Our prayers, thoughts, and dreams are with and go with you.

Gratia et Veritas,
Chaplain Kevin Wainwright

DISPATCH 007--15 NOV 2006

2006-11-16T11:46:00.000+08:00

Hello from Iraq,

The missions continue at PB Paliwoda, PB O’Ryan, FOB Brasfield-Mora, and LSA Anaconda. Your soldiers keep performing the everyday, common things that should make you proud of their service. As a certified news junkie, I have been keeping up with the results of last week’s elections and subsequent predictions about what the future military mission will look like in Iraq.

First, I think we should acknowledge something that is all too easy to take for granted: we live in a free country with a free press and a democratic system of government. Our elections, at all levels, with very little or no exceptions, are free of fraud and manipulation. Our political parties may argue, and candidates will oftentimes sling mud at each other, but for the most part our disagreements pale in comparison to how the rest of the world operates. It is not uncommon in other parts of the world, including here in Iraq, for political opponents to physically attack and sometimes kill one another. We are blessed to live in the only country, the only democracy in the entire history of the world, where the military has never staged a coup’d’etat or taken over the government. No matter who is in office, our military and her leaders will adhere to a foundational tenant of our Constitution--the military answers to the civilian leadership and not the other way around. We take these truths for granted because they operate in the background of many people’s lives, like they should. C. S. Lewis stated that the only reason government exists is to ensure that a man can sit beside his fireplace with a good book and not have to fear the lawlessness and chaos that comes with anarchy and war.

The second thing I would like to do is to send a belated Veterans' Day thank you to those family members, loved ones, and friends that give their veterans the support that we need to be able to focus on our mission. We often celebrate the man or woman in uniform, but he or she can only stand tall by resting on the foundation of the sacrifices that you have made for us. Our military families should all feel a sense of pride for the service that they have rendered to our republic. We could not keep ourselves together here without you being there, back there, for us.

Lastly, I want to share some eye-witness observations of what many in the media are labeling an all out civil war in Iraq between the Shia and the Sunni. We have both groups in our area of operations. While the two are both Muslim, the overly-simplified explanation of their differences is that the Shia believe that the true succession of leadership of the Islamic community (or umma) goes through Ali and then Hussein, both direct blood descendents of Muhammad. The Sunni believe that an elected caliph from Damascus was the rightful heir to this leadership position. Over the course of centuries, both factions have developed their own customs and traditions.

I have watched as our commander, LTC Dunlop, discussed some of the tensions with local city council members, and all these leaders emphatically shared how both groups have lived beside one another, have intermarried, and have worked together for centuries. I have spoken with my counterpart, a Shia chaplain in the Iraqi Army, and he has corroborated all that the leaders have said. LTC Dunlop has surmised that the conflict has its roots in outside influences and the struggle for economic and political power. Our challenge is to work with the Iraqi leadership from both communities to ensure that these outside terrorists do not cause feelings of distrust and vengeance. While things might be dire in other parts of the country, our soldiers have done a great job of deescalating the conflict between these groups while taking the battle to the enemy.

Our leadership is asking our soldiers to crush the enemy while constructing a nation. Many have said that this cannot be done or that it is asking too much of our young men and women in uniform. Here, on the ground, our guys and gals have been up to this complicated and demanding task. No matter what you might see or hear, there is still reason for hope and optimism about the future of those communities that we protect. Our soldiers’ actions also give me reason to believe that, by modeling their behavior and professionalism, the Iraqi forces we are training and working alongside of will be able to operate on their own.

We continue to ask you for your prayers, support, love, and loyalty. I would echo what I said in previous letters that I would encourage you to forward any questions about anything to me. I will try to answer them if I can or get you the answer. We miss and love you all very much.

Gratia et Veritas,
Chaplain Kevin Wainwright